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My husband retired 10 years ago, and almost immediatly, seemed to retire from life, too. Like some others have said, he just sits and does very little, and it gets worse every year. Everyone does have the right to make choices about their own life, however, when you are married, you also need to consider what your choices will do to your spouse. I retired last year, and my husband would love it if I just sat around all day doing nothing like him, but I won't do that. I watched both of my parents loose themselves to dementia, and I'm now seeing the same symptoms in my husband. I truly believe the old saying, use it or loose it, pertains to our senior years. If you just sit around not doing anything, you will loose it. You'll loose your capacity to communicate, to think, to take care of problems, not to mention just taking care of daily things we all do like personal hygiene, cleaning the house, cooking meals, grocery shopping, yard work, paying bills, taking care of our pets, automobiles, all of it. My husband would like me to sit around doing nothing with him, but who would take care of all these things that need to be done on a daily basis? Sitting around doing nothing is the worse thing my husband ever did to his life, and to my life, to OUR life together. He can barely walk now, he is showing signs of dementia and I no longer recognize the love of my life. Keep busy people. Use it or loose it.
I sit around a do nothing when my anxiety is bad, money is tight or feel despondent. I think it stems from the realization that I am 47 and no longer "young"... perhaps he is a little depressed.
Just make sure he has options, maybe insist on going out to breakfast once in awhile or have him over when other people are there for social interactions. I think that's really important for everyone and I go out of my way to make sure I do some of that but honestly I could be your father. I'm somewhat of a loner/introvert and spend quality time in my own head and am rarely bored. I read a lot, not just novels but things online, forums like this where I can discover something I know nothing about and then I can spend months reading all about it. I have projects around the house, I even write a little. Sometimes I even binge watch TV or movies.
To be fair I have a job that's heavy on the customer service so I'm not actually sitting doing nothing, and I have elderly parents I do things for and an adult child living at home who's a constant source of amusement. But when I'm home alone the "sitting doing nothing" is fun and interesting for me. A few weeks ago I went 3 days without even leaving the house because I decided to reorganize and clear out the closets.
You've described my in-laws. They never leave the house and, when we go to visit, they don't understand why anyone else would either. They live in the exurbs, watch FoxNews continuously, and basically crap on everyone else who thinks differently than they do. And, while they're now in their late 70s, they've always been this way. It's absolute torture. My father-in-law is a joyless grump, my mother-in-law is always passing judgment on someone in a kind of passive aggressive way, and there are twenty-five or so crammed into their house. I would rather thrust an ice pick through my temple than spend a long holiday weekend with them, chiefly because they are so unpleasant and never want to go anywhere.
You might consider that this is the first signs of depression or dementia. My dad was this way about 5 years before we started seeing dementia symptoms. Some of it was that he was losing his speaking ability and forgetting recent things.
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Originally Posted by MinivanDriver
You've described my in-laws. They never leave the house and, when we go to visit, they don't understand why anyone else would either. They live in the exurbs, watch FoxNews continuously, and basically crap on everyone else who thinks differently than they do. And, while they're now in their late 70s, they've always been this way. It's absolute torture. My father-in-law is a joyless grump, my mother-in-law is always passing judgment on someone in a kind of passive aggressive way, and there are twenty-five or so crammed into their house. I would rather thrust an ice pick through my temple than spend a long holiday weekend with them, chiefly because they are so unpleasant and never want to go anywhere.
You've described my in-laws. They never leave the house and, when we go to visit, they don't understand why anyone else would either. They live in the exurbs, watch FoxNews continuously, and basically crap on everyone else who thinks differently than they do.
That's pretty much my MIL. She always says she is so lonely, but when she is around all she does is talk smack about everyone. She says she doesn't like old people because I they do is complain about aches and pains...... I guess that cuts into HER time complaining about aches and pains.
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Thanking my lucky stars, I am still very active at 76 and in good health. Have a couple age related problems that I follow my Drs advice and take very few meds. I have sympathy for the ones who are devastated with health issues that prohibits them from "getting around" or from totally being involved in life.
OTOH hubby is a "lazyboy potato". Lays reclined watching tv and his smart phone all day, between naps. He mostly just gets up for meals and bathroom. He has grown old and feeble on purpose since he retired instead of taking up a hobby, watching his food intake, and not being involved in our very large close knit family that he mostly ignores when they come.
Some people are like that just by personality not age. My dad is 76 and fair to say he’s more active than ever. He can’t golf because of his bad back or ski but hasn’t for decades, since I was a kid, but he’s doing the biggest deals of his life and his career is still in an upward trajectory instead of retired, but he enjoys himself and in the last 5 years alone has traveled to Egypt, South Africa, Dubai, Thailand, China, Russia, he has a house in Mexico, in the last few months alone he’s been to Oklahoma, California, Texas, and Louisiana most for business. He sits on the board of several large charities and hospitals. He has social engagements most nights and keeps busier than I’ve ever been and I’m 40 years younger! He’s a machine. But he works out every day and stays mentally sharp. How you chose to live impacts how old you seem because you can still have a really full, active, successful life in your 70s and 80s if you do your best to maintain your health and stay engaged with life.
I think retirement cripples a lot of people because their brain just stops working as much as it used to and they fade into feebleness. If I don’t do anything mentally taxing for a few weeks even I notice I’m not as sharp as usual.
Some people are like that just by personality not age. My dad is 76 and fair to say he’s more active than ever. He can’t golf because of his bad back or ski but hasn’t for decades, since I was a kid, but he’s doing the biggest deals of his life and his career is still in an upward trajectory instead of retired, but he enjoys himself and in the last 5 years alone has traveled to Egypt, South Africa, Dubai, Thailand, China, Russia, he has a house in Mexico, in the last few months alone he’s been to Oklahoma, California, Texas, and Louisiana most for business. He sits on the board of several large charities and hospitals. He has social engagements most nights and keeps busier than I’ve ever been and I’m 40 years younger! He’s a machine. But he works out every day and stays mentally sharp. How you chose to live impacts how old you seem because you can still have a really full, active, successful life in your 70s and 80s if you do your best to maintain your health and stay engaged with life.
I think retirement cripples a lot of people because their brain just stops working as much as it used to and they fade into feebleness. If I don’t do anything mentally taxing for a few weeks even I notice I’m not as sharp as usual.
I really don't think a life like your Dad's is available for the vast majority of people and not for the average person at age 76. Your Dad is an exception. It is interesting to read about, but I don't think putting it out as an example to follow is realistic, not in the least. Not that many people are going to have the opportunities your Dad has, the type of job he has, the ability to have a career on an upward trajectory at 76.
Saying 'do your best to maintain your health' is good for all ages - but it doesn't always work out that one's health will be great or amenable to the activity you list above in one's 60's, 70', 80's, if lucky enough to get to 80's. One can follow lots of healthy habits and still be struck with some conditions.
As an aside, it's good to be worldly and well-traveled, but I wouldn't want to go to Egypt, South Africa, Dubai, Thailand, China, Russia, like your Dad has done in the past 5 years - none of those interest me as places to visit, and I'm a fairly well-traveled person. I'm interested in Europe and have been to Europe multiple times. And the only state you mention out of Oklahoma, Texas, Louisiana, and California which interests me is California.... wouldn't care to go to the others you list - I've been to New Orleans and Texas.
I get the part about being engaged in life and I strongly agree. Being engaged can take various forms though.
You don't even say what business your Dad is in. The oil industry/business?
I also wouldn't say, as you have, that "retirement cripples a lot of people", as far as dwindling brain activity. I don't think there is a great number who fall into that category.
Last edited by matisse12; 12-19-2018 at 02:24 AM..
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