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Day after Thanksgiving, so I can review my day yesterday and the upcoming holiday weekend:
My parents are both deceased (Mom died a few months ago and Dad a few years ago). This really changed the family dynamics in our family.
I have five kids. Two had to work the day before and day after Thanksgiving and they live five hours away. They got together with friends. My husband and I are going to go down there (Austin) and see both of them in a couple of weeks.
My oldest son lives in Guam - more on his Thanksgiving "alone" in a minute.
My oldest daughter lives in Germany and she and her family (four grandkids) went to Prague for Thanksgiving weekend.
I have one estranged daughter - the collateral damage from my parents dying. She only lives two hours away but it may as well be two continents away.
My husband had to work out of state.
I wasn't alone for the meal - I went to go see my brother in law and sister in law in Fort Worth and that was actually pleasant. NO COOKING - we went out to eat. So it wasn't a traditional TGiving meal but it was nice. Then I drove home and spent the rest of the day alone - which was sort of nice but also sort of sad.
I wanted to watch the Saints game, and I found my dad's old Saints sweatshirt and put it on. For some reason I was really missing him yesterday - well, I know why - because he loved Thanksgiving and he loved the Saints and I could just hear him and my mom arguing about him coming over in the evening AGAIN to watch the Saints game. My parents were soooo dysfunctional! My mom wouldn't "allow" football in her house - the house my dad paid for with his business while my mom puttered around the house doing basically nothing all day for decades, while my dad enabled her mental health issues and shielded her as best he could from the ramifications of her untreated bipolar disorder. Lordy. Anyway, so I could just hear her saying "I don't want to stay for the game," and my dad saying, "Ok, I'll take you home - the game's at 7:30 anyway, and I want to watch it with my daughter" (who is also a rabid Saints fan, but I digress). And then my mom would say "But I don't want to be all by myself at home," even though she would GO TO FREAKING BED AT 6 PM OR EARLIER every single day! And my dad would have taken her home anyway and then driven back over here (not far) and we would have enjoyed the heck out of watching that game together! I was so glad the Saints won because my dad would have been so happy!
Anyway, with my husband gone and kids scattered, I sat in my quiet house with my two dogs, and no leftovers because I went out to eat, and I watched the game by myself, and then went to bed by myself - and guess what - it was all good. I honestly think I would have been fine spending the entire day by myself, but it was nice to see my brother in law and sister in law. They are "normal family" and they don't like family drama any more than I do!
Christmas will be just my husband and me, and our dogs, and I am stoked about it. NYE will be just me by myself and I do not care one iota about that - I haven't had the desire to go anywhere on NYE now for at least twenty years, maybe even more. My extent of celebrating is this - going to sleep on the sofa watching the events at Times Square and being glad I'm not there (or anywhere else), and then waking up as the New Year rolls in and I go into my garage and open the door and beep the car horn, and then I go stand on the porch and listen to other people doing similar things, and then I go inside and crawl in the bed.
OK so I have an adult son who lives in Guam. His wife is Korean and they don't really celebrate Thanksgiving on Guam even though it's a US territory. I mean, I guess a few people do but not many - and of course Koreans don't at all. In fact, his wife works every Thanksgiving so that the few Americans she works with can get off work that day.
Every day in Guam is the same - highs in the 80s, lows in the 60s or 70s. Sun and rain both happen nearly every day. So my adult son spent the day at the beach "babysitting" a couple of younger adult guys who were home on leave but since they are Guam natives, their families don't celebrate Thanksgiving either. But they had an excuse to come home and drink and then try to swim - so my son sent me videos of angry animals trying to watch over their young all day long. He also said "I'm not having any fun." To which I replied "Adulthood - go back, go back, it's a trap, it's a trap!"
Funny how you can not be alone and yet feel very alone. Or in my case with memories of my dad and I watching football games together - you can be alone and yet not feel alone at all.
It's raining today (Black Friday) and supposed to storm pretty severely and then turn colder tomorrow, and I have glorious plans for the entire weekend - which consist of this - binge watch shows and read. That's it. I already had a friend call me and ask if I wanted to go shopping with her and I said "Girl, honestly, you've got to be kidding. Shopping this weekend is the very last thing I want to do. I don't even want to get dressed! Cashmeousside Monday or so!"
Over the years, you've created this type of holiday thread and I've always enjoyed it. Over the past two decades, I've lived in various places across the country and often too far away from family to spend the Thanksgiving holiday with them.
Most years, I spent it with friends, in my new city/town, that invited me over. A couple of times, I opted to spend it alone. This year, I was close enough to drive to visit family. Even though it's a house-filled with people (family members), it's a time I'm very thankful for. I'm blessed to have loved ones that I actually look forward to spending it with.
Well, I am here the day after TG, with tears streaming down my face. Today is my daughters 46th BD, hoping she is still alive. She has been missing since 1989, she disappeared between TG and Xmas. Today is also the specific day of the week of her birth. Always hurts so much more.
My house used to be the one everyone wanted an invite to for TG. I now rent a room in someone else’s home. I am on the kidney diet so no traditional dinner for me, no glass of wine or fancy drink.
I have not celebrated Xmas since, traded it for Yule. TG found my late husband and myself hosting every “single” person we knew, in her honor. Xmas found us serving at The Lighthouse, how most local homeless shelter. We fulfilled wishes from the local wishing tree at the feed store. Part of me died with him in 2002. I lost everything then.
I’m sick, impoverished, heartsick and hanging on by my last toenail until the “holidays” are over.
That must have been difficult to share. I cannot imagine a missing child, and all these years.
How generous of you and your late husband to host all the single people you knew.
Now he is gone too, and I am so sorry about that. Holidays are the worst in those situations.
Virtual HUG.
Well, I am here the day after TG, with tears streaming down my face. Today is my daughters 46th BD, hoping she is still alive. She has been missing since 1989, she disappeared between TG and Xmas. Today is also the specific day of the week of her birth. Always hurts so much more.
My house used to be the one everyone wanted an invite to for TG. I now rent a room in someone else’s home. I am on the kidney diet so no traditional dinner for me, no glass of wine or fancy drink.
I have not celebrated Xmas since, traded it for Yule. TG found my late husband and myself hosting every “single” person we knew, in her honor. Xmas found us serving at The Lighthouse, how most local homeless shelter. We fulfilled wishes from the local wishing tree at the feed store. Part of me died with him in 2002. I lost everything then.
I’m sick, impoverished, heartsick and hanging on by my last toenail until the “holidays” are over.
Purplehaired,
Although no words can replace the loss you've experienced, please allow me to extend my condolence to you. It is extremely heartbreaking to read your post.
ive had many holidays when I was single...yet not alone...…
alone is what others perceive....single is what I was...….I have been more "alone" WITH someone
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Purplehaired
Well, I am here the day after TG, with tears streaming down my face. Today is my daughters 46th BD, hoping she is still alive. She has been missing since 1989, she disappeared between TG and Xmas. Today is also the specific day of the week of her birth. Always hurts so much more.
My house used to be the one everyone wanted an invite to for TG. I now rent a room in someone else’s home. I am on the kidney diet so no traditional dinner for me, no glass of wine or fancy drink.
I have not celebrated Xmas since, traded it for Yule. TG found my late husband and myself hosting every “single” person we knew, in her honor. Xmas found us serving at The Lighthouse, how most local homeless shelter. We fulfilled wishes from the local wishing tree at the feed store. Part of me died with him in 2002. I lost everything then.
I’m sick, impoverished, heartsick and hanging on by my last toenail until the “holidays” are over.
I'm so sorry for your pain, Purplehaired. I'm some how drawn to missing persons cases, and I'm sure you know you aren't alone.
When a son or daughter goes missing, the parent's life suddenly becomes bisected - into the "before she went missing" and the "after she went missing"?
Prayers for peace for you. Have you had support in searching for her?
I went to a Thanksgiving dinner with a Meetup Group. I had heard about the group from one of the members who noticed I didn't have any place to go. (But she was not at the dinner.) I walked into the kitchen and they greeted me but nobody asked who I was (questions about me, I told them my name of course) or how I found them. The eight women knew each other well and they talked among themselves and I had little to add to their conversations. Finally the woman across from me, the host, talked about her retirement. I was able to ask her how long she been at the job and other questions. That seemed to help. But in all honesty, it was not a fun dinner for me. I kept asking myself why am I here?
When I was finally able to go home, I was soooo glad to be home alone. It is not fun to be with a group that you don't enjoy. I'd much rather be alone.
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Very sorry to hear
