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Wild Flower, I've had so many similar experiences with Meetup. Glad to know it isn't just me! I've done (even hosted) Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners with niche groups I've had stuff in common with (baby boomers and vegans). I thought people would be on their best behavior, so happy and thankful that they had some other people to be with it, but that wasn't the case. It seemed like people were there grudgingly because they had nowhere else to go. And even when people came on their own home and didn't know anyone else, there seemed to be such disinterest in getting to know anyone else and making a new friend, even if only for that night. I'm with you---I'd rather be home alone. I never feel lonely then, but the loneliness when you are surrounded by others who make no effort to interact with you is definitely not fun. I can't believe when I ask questions about others to get to know them and then they don't even bother to ask the same or a different question of me! I've felt like if I disappeared, like if I snuck out and went home, no one would even notice or wonder where I was!
They wern't grumpy or disappointed to be there. The Thanksgiving dinner has been happening for eight years. They knew each other well. I did share about how I found them and my interest (well past interest) in storytelling because someone did ask why I moved to TN. So they did ask that and one lady said (as I was leaving, telling them I wasn't feeling well) she knew it was hard for me to come. BUT overall it was not fun. At least I tried!
I am invited at friends homes for TG but probably will be alone on Christmas. No biggie. I have electricity, food, and a warm bed, that's all I need for Netflix and chill.
I don't have to spend $$$$ on gifts, I can avoid overcrowded stores and roads, and no one complains I got the wrong gift and I don't have to be happy about receiving an ugly gift myself. And best of all - I don't stand in the kitchen for hours to cook!! I go to my friends house on Thursday and bring beer and wine and can eat until I burst.
All these family drama stories here on CD …. don't apply to me. Totally relaxed and stress free.
Life is good. I have a family who loves me and we just spent all Thanksgiving at the lake house. Bonfire; talking, football (yuk); games; meals; meals.... meals...
But it wasn't always like that. I was alone when I was 18, with no place to go. It stayed like that until I was 26.
Those were tough years. I sympathize with anyone who has to do that. But people like that are hard to find. They hide, you know. At least when they are young.
I am so, very, very thankful for the family I have. The prospect of inflating a tire for a step daughter is enough to make me feel important.
Celebrated this previous Saturday with my kids ( adults as they like to be referred too).
As life enjoys sending me into "that wasn't in my plans", I shall pack up an overnight bag...travel to My aunts home, and sit with her in support. He husband has been home now under hospice care for a week....He has been a man of honor so I wish to honor him by being there for this perhaps final holiday for him. Oddly I give thanks for getting to know him and apppreciate all he has done to take care of my Aunt. It wont be the turkey...or any formalities. Just us....sharing the day. In this case...I simply cannot let my aunt be alone during this trying time.....
And I'd bet this time you share with your aunt and uncle will be more precious to you all than you could ever imagine. My best wishes to all of you.
Not quite totally alone, but no crowd here at all either.
I'm an only child. For the holidays all of my adult life, it's been just my parents, me, & I always had/have a SO. Nowadays, dad's been passed away 4 yrs ago now.
My mom still lives alone in her 2-story home that my parents shared & I've been in my apt for the last 7 yrs. Fiance' & I would have had her over today, but I've been sick all last week & didn't want to get her sick so she's coming over Sat. We don't care about having to see each other ON the actual holiday. We talk 1-2 times daily anyway w/o fail.
Your story sounds a bit like my last Thanksgiving with my mother, last year. We've generally had Thanksgiving and Christmas at our house, with my husband, daughter ( sometimes with another family member or invited guest, but not always), and my mother, who lived in an Assisted Facility about 15 miles away. Well, mom died in September of this year, and Thanksgiving this year was a bittersweet event for us as we missed her sharing the holiday with us.
I thought back to the last Thanksgiving she had spent with us, and realized it wasn't last year either. We had made the plans as usual, but we all got sick with a bronchitis type respiratory crud, passed it among myself, husband and daughter and they were both still miserable ( and contagious) on Thanksgiving Day. My mother was 92 yrs old, frail and prone to pneumonia, she'd been in the hospital twice earlier in the year with pneumonia, followed by flu and it took her a while to bounce back- I'm not sure she ever did, completely. The last thing I wanted to do was to expose her to the crud we had, she didn't want to either and understood it was probably better we just skip her visit.
I didn't even cook all the food we had gotten, but basically just what we felt like eating ( turkey breast, mashed taters and gravy, veggie garnish, green bean casserole and of course dessert), and we picked at that. But I felt so bad leaving mom out that I figured I was past the contagious stage, so wouldn't give her the crud if I visited her and was careful. So I packed her a doggie bag from our Thanksgiving dinner, took it to her and visited her for a while. She'd already had Thanksgiving dinner at her ALF but this was leftovers for the next day, and we had a good visit.
I went to a Thanksgiving dinner with a Meetup Group. I had heard about the group from one of the members who noticed I didn't have any place to go. (But she was not at the dinner.) I walked into the kitchen and they greeted me but nobody asked who I was (questions about me, I told them my name of course) or how I found them. The eight women knew each other well and they talked among themselves and I had little to add to their conversations. Finally the woman across from me, the host, talked about her retirement. I was able to ask her how long she been at the job and other questions. That seemed to help. But in all honesty, it was not a fun dinner for me. I kept asking myself why am I here?
When I was finally able to go home, I was soooo glad to be home alone. It is not fun to be with a group that you don't enjoy. I'd much rather be alone.
Alone in a crowded room is way worse than being home alone, been there, done that.
This is the reason why I won't take part in any holiday gathering unless I am invited and know at the very least the person who invited me real well.
Oh my gosh, I just talked with a friend of mine who is newly married in her 50s. (She and her husband never married until a few years ago and they are both childless in their 50s.) Anyway, they recently bought a biggish house and so they were pegged to be hosts for various family and friends for Thanksgiving. They had ten - TEN - house guests and FOURTEEN people for Thanksgiving. She was wretched the entire time. It was a miserable experience. I told her that several years ago I also had the Thanksgiving From Hell and at that point I realized I would rather be alone, eating a frozen dinner, and watching a game or the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, or God only knows what else, than be with a group of ungrateful, dysfunctional people, trying to create some sort of non existent vision of a Utopian Norman Rockwell holiday.
She totally agreed and we're going to commiserate on this over a bottle of wine in a few days.
Oh my gosh, I just talked with a friend of mine who is newly married in her 50s. (She and her husband never married until a few years ago and they are both childless in their 50s.) Anyway, they recently bought a biggish house and so they were pegged to be hosts for various family and friends for Thanksgiving. They had ten - TEN - house guests and FOURTEEN people for Thanksgiving. She was wretched the entire time. It was a miserable experience. I told her that several years ago I also had the Thanksgiving From Hell and at that point I realized I would rather be alone, eating a frozen dinner, and watching a game or the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, or God only knows what else, than be with a group of ungrateful, dysfunctional people, trying to create some sort of non existent vision of a Utopian Norman Rockwell holiday.
She totally agreed and we're going to commiserate on this over a bottle of wine in a few days.
Sometimes less is a whole lot more.
Amen, Kathryn!
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