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I went to a Thanksgiving dinner with a Meetup Group. I had heard about the group from one of the members who noticed I didn't have any place to go. (But she was not at the dinner.) I walked into the kitchen and they greeted me but nobody asked who I was (questions about me, I told them my name of course) or how I found them. The eight women knew each other well and they talked among themselves and I had little to add to their conversations. Finally the woman across from me, the host, talked about her retirement. I was able to ask her how long she been at the job and other questions. That seemed to help. But in all honesty, it was not a fun dinner for me. I kept asking myself why am I here?
When I was finally able to go home, I was soooo glad to be home alone. It is not fun to be with a group that you don't enjoy. I'd much rather be alone.
Wild Flower, I've had so many similar experiences with Meetup. Glad to know it isn't just me! I've done (even hosted) Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners with niche groups I've had stuff in common with (baby boomers and vegans). I thought people would be on their best behavior, so happy and thankful that they had some other people to be with it, but that wasn't the case. It seemed like people were there grudgingly because they had nowhere else to go. And even when people came on their own home and didn't know anyone else, there seemed to be such disinterest in getting to know anyone else and making a new friend, even if only for that night. I'm with you---I'd rather be home alone. I never feel lonely then, but the loneliness when you are surrounded by others who make no effort to interact with you is definitely not fun. I can't believe when I ask questions about others to get to know them and then they don't even bother to ask the same or a different question of me! I've felt like if I disappeared, like if I snuck out and went home, no one would even notice or wonder where I was!
Wild Flower, I've had so many similar experiences with Meetup. Glad to know it isn't just me! I've done (even hosted) Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners with niche groups I've had stuff in common with (baby boomers and vegans). I thought people would be on their best behavior, so happy and thankful that they had some other people to be with it, but that wasn't the case. It seemed like people were there grudgingly because they had nowhere else to go. And even when people came on their own home and didn't know anyone else, there seemed to be such disinterest in getting to know anyone else and making a new friend, even if only for that night. I'm with you---I'd rather be home alone. I never feel lonely then, but the loneliness when you are surrounded by others who make no effort to interact with you is definitely not fun. I can't believe when I ask questions about others to get to know them and then they don't even bother to ask the same or a different question of me! I've felt like if I disappeared, like if I snuck out and went home, no one would even notice or wonder where I was!
I've had similar experiences with Meetups as well, which is why I don't go to many. Very few people make any effort to get to know someone new, and I'm naturally a bit shy around people I don't know, so its hard for me to initiate random conversations. Yeah, it's not fun for me either.
I've had similar experiences with Meetups as well, which is why I don't go to many. Very few people make any effort to get to know someone new, and I'm naturally a bit shy around people I don't know, so its hard for me to initiate random conversations. Yeah, it's not fun for me either.
Meetups are great if you have realistic expectations. They're basically a way for people who share the same interests to find one another and get together to pursue those activities (such as hiking, to use an example). They're not meant to be a dating service, lonely hearts club, or even a means of making close friends. It can happen, of course, and does, but things don't usually get that intimate. The hobby is the main focus and, for that use, they function quite well in my experience.
I went to a Thanksgiving dinner with a Meetup Group. I had heard about the group from one of the members who noticed I didn't have any place to go. (But she was not at the dinner.) I walked into the kitchen and they greeted me but nobody asked who I was (questions about me, I told them my name of course) or how I found them. The eight women knew each other well and they talked among themselves and I had little to add to their conversations. Finally the woman across from me, the host, talked about her retirement. I was able to ask her how long she been at the job and other questions. That seemed to help. But in all honesty, it was not a fun dinner for me. I kept asking myself why am I here?
When I was finally able to go home, I was soooo glad to be home alone. It is not fun to be with a group that you don't enjoy. I'd much rather be alone.
Awwee, I am sorry. This sucks. I am often the new one in the group/at such events and people are usually always friendly, asking questions, etc.
You may have just gotten one bad apple group. Meetups are usually welcoming new people. Don't give up.
Meetups are great if you have realistic expectations. They're basically a way for people who share the same interests to find one another and get together to pursue those activities (such as hiking, to use an example). They're not meant to be a dating service, lonely hearts club, or even a means of making close friends. It can happen, of course, and does, but things don't usually get that intimate. The hobby is the main focus and, for that use, they function quite well in my experience.
For me it is usually a hit or miss - either people are friendly, or they are not welcoming. What happens often times to me is that I attended a meetup and the women are ignoring me, because they think I am competition. A guy will talk to me and either it is the hideous guy no one likes (for a reason) or it is a normal guy and there is already someone in the group interested in him and I feel their hostility. The women in the groups don't want more women who may steal on of their guys. So I end up chatting with the odd dude and then never return.
Meetups are great if you have realistic expectations. They're basically a way for people who share the same interests to find one another and get together to pursue those activities (such as hiking, to use an example). They're not meant to be a dating service, lonely hearts club, or even a means of making close friends. It can happen, of course, and does, but things don't usually get that intimate. The hobby is the main focus and, for that use, they function quite well in my experience.
OK, maybe thats true, but the one I go to mostly is a "social" one. No hobby involved.
For me it is usually a hit or miss - either people are friendly, or they are not welcoming. What happens often times to me is that I attended a meetup and the women are ignoring me, because they think I am competition. A guy will talk to me and either it is the hideous guy no one likes (for a reason) or it is a normal guy and there is already someone in the group interested in him and I feel their hostility. The women in the groups don't want more women who may steal on of their guys. So I end up chatting with the odd dude and then never return.
I could totally see that happening. A lot (not all) of these people are socially awkward or even introverts like me forcing themselves to get out. Sometimes it makes for a boring event or feeling left out. I can also see women fighting over the few single men there who may be attractive. I rarely see women I find attractive, and when I do, there's 3 guys talking to them.
Life is good. I have a family who loves me and we just spent all Thanksgiving at the lake house. Bonfire; talking, football (yuk); games; meals; meals.... meals...
But it wasn't always like that. I was alone when I was 18, with no place to go. It stayed like that until I was 26.
Those were tough years. I sympathize with anyone who has to do that. But people like that are hard to find. They hide, you know. At least when they are young.
I am so, very, very thankful for the family I have. The prospect of inflating a tire for a step daughter is enough to make me feel important.
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