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The initial schedule had him waiting until the dogs were done eating to let them out. He wasn't eating his breakfast or showering or anything else during that time period, and some dogs take longer to eat than others. The feeding the dogs and letting them out could very well have taken 20 minutes the way it was originally arranged. It will be more efficient now that they have him taking a shower while the dogs eat and letting them out after his shower.
Well again, it's not that the chore is overly time consuming, it's that he wasn't managing his time well....the chore isn't the problem.
ETA why not feed the dogs outside? Set the dishes outside let them eat and potty while you are showering (or scooping litter). That's how we do it.
Well again, it's not that the chore is overly time consuming, it's that he wasn't managing his time well....the chore isn't the problem.
His parents' initial schedule wasn't managing his time well. The new schedule does because he's now scheduled to take a shower while the dogs eat.
Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom
ETA why not feed the dogs outside? Set the dishes outside let them eat and potty while you are showering (or scooping litter). That's how we do it.
That's a great idea. I think setting the dishes outside and scooping the litter while the dogs are eating and before showering makes the most sense. That way all of the dog and cat chores are being done simultaneously and he'll be clean when he sits down to eat breakfast.
The OP has said a solution has been found, so this post might seem redundant; but I'd like to add that we often don't think about how much pressure students of all ages face. Unless we're surgeons or air-traffic controllers, a mistake now and then has little impact and is often unnoticed by anyone else.
This boy is getting mixed messages: On one hand, he's considered incapable of setting his own alarm and getting himself up; yet on the other, he is to spend time during the process of beginning his school day doing household chores. Although they are few, they would prevent him from focusing on what is so important for the next six-or-so hours. Easy as they are, they still have to be done right.
The most important means of showing what he knows, lies with one performance -- a test. The result of just one test of so few during the year, has long-term implications when mistakes are made because of inattention, fatigue or any other deterrent at that particular time. How many make-ups are there, how many second chances?
I hope the chores will be rotated on a schedule and the loathsome one in the morning, is shared by everyone, not relegated solely to a "child" who isn't considered able to get himself up for the day he faces all by himself.
I keep thinking I'm missing something with people claiming this kid has oh-so-much to do in the morning. Seriously. Set down dog food bowls, open the door, clean the cat box and get yourself ready for school. Really? How hard can that be? I'll admit I'd wonder if he couldn't do the litter box another time...I mean, as long as it's cleaned daily does it really matter when? Why are people acting like the child is waxing the floors by hand every morning? I'm a tad flummoxed here....
Bah humbug! It's not that he doesn't have too much to do, it's that he needs more rest to be able complete the tasks that he does have. Fatigue can play a big role in motivation, even if it's just small tasks like these.
Bah humbug! It's not that he doesn't have too much to do, it's that he needs more rest to be able complete the tasks that he does have. Fatigue can play a big role in motivation, even if it's just small tasks like these.
He needs more rests to be have the energy to set down already filled bowls of dogfood, open the door and then get himself ready in the morning? The OP has not said that the child was fatigued and having trouble getting through the day in an alert fashion. My guess is that the boy, like some people just naturally are, is kind of a dilly-dallyer. He has more than enough time to do these few chores. He just is not very focused and easily distracted. It is most likely his nature. Problem is, life doesn't really work around that as you get to be an adult. Learning how to adjust those tendencies that can impede success is part of growing up and hence part of our job as parents......The earlier this boy can figure this out, the better things will be for him.
Unless we're surgeons or air-traffic controllers, a mistake now and then has little impact and is often unnoticed by anyone else.
If you're a pilot (or student pilot as I am), mistakes are a big deal, even if they are miniscule. Fly 10 degrees right of the heading you're supposed to be flying, you could fly into restricted airspace and be shot down. If I do not turn to the exact heading that ATC tells me, I will miss the runway completely. Fill up the tank with even one gallon less than the required amount and I run the risk of not making it to my destination. If I'm taking off from an improvised airfield, dropping the nose just a little bit will have me as part of the trees. Not following the approach plate for a mountain airport due to lack of sleep could easily cause a crash, as most mountain airports (excluding Denver and Salt Lake City) are one-way-in and one-way-out departures, with no chance for a go around if your landing isn't on the glideslope.
So one little mistake does matter, in my career.
His parents' initial schedulewasn't managing his time well. The new schedule does because he's now scheduled to take a shower while the dogs eat.
That's a great idea. I think setting the dishes outside and scooping the litter while the dogs are eating and before showering makes the most sense. That way all of the dog and cat chores are being done simultaneously and he'll be clean when he sits down to eat breakfast.
Perhaps...but why isn't a 13 yo allowed/responsible for figuring out his OWN schedule? I can see parents giving suggestions but I don't understand why the child/almost-teen isn't figuring this out on his own. That is an important skill to have - and it will become more important in the following years. I was interpreting the OP more loosely - more of a parent's thought process as to how it is a reasonable amount of time. If this kid really is expected to follow the exact routine outlined by his parents.... all I can think of is "micromanage much?"
Have you asked your son what he thinks needs to be done in the morning vs before bed?
He doesn't get a choice on taking care of the pets, but he does get a choice on taking care of himself. When does he prefer to shower? What order does it make sense for HIM? Make the conversation a problem-solving exercise for all of you, not just orders.
I can't function in the morning without a shower as soon as I crawl out of bed. Maybe he's that way. Or maybe he's one of those people who, when given extra time in the morning, procrastinate and don't get everything done. Maybe an extra 30 min of sleep and being in a hurry will be enough to get him to do everything on time.
If that doesn't work, then he needs to see that there are consequences - but I think they need to be immediate consequences. You don't have time for breakfast? Okay, here's a bagel that you can eat on the school bus. You don't have time to put on your shoes? Carry them out to the car and put them on while we are driving to school.
The third time my daughter had to go to the car half-dressed and with no breakfast, she started trying harder to get ready in the morning. Now I occasionally will surprise the kids with donuts if they are ready early. They never know if they'll get the reward, but they like the possibility.
This is a really good response. I have an adult son with DS and he is compulsively slow and another son who was nearly as bad. Now, for the chores, I always paid an allowance. I take it he had a choice and wanted the dog(s) and cat(s) since he does clean and care for them? I sort of feel that if one is cleaning up after the pets, they should have been one wanting them in the first place. Family pets. If my older son did not do his chores, he didn't get the allowance. The younger one, after marching him outside the door in his pajamas and barefoot got the message to get dressed before coming down. I told him, "Want to go to school in your pajamas? Fine with me!" Constant nagging becomes "white" noise.
Consequences can be a strong deterrent to misbehavior. However, consequences need to closely resemble the broken rule
Later on in your post you say "having worked with families".... I'm really not understanding why you don't understand (or at least your post does not indicate so) that consequences are not always negative.
Consequences are "whatever happens as a result" and frequently the consequences of a behavior are positive! In fact, if the consequences were not mostly positive, people would stop doing anything. They'd stand around like automatons waiting for an instruction of what TO do.
The best motivator I found was a positive consequence - a verbal "attaboy" or a reward.
BTW, to the poster who doesn't believe in rewarding accomplishment of a job well done unless it is extraordinary, you don't get a paycheck then? That is a reward. If you stopped getting your paycheck, wouldn't you stop doing your job?
This is still an impressionable teen we are discussing.
OP, I think the way you've handled it is great. First, it lets Mom off the hook of feeling like she has to be Simon LeGre and it allows your son to grow into the responsibility along with knowing that he has the support of his parents when something isn't working out for him. Attaboy!
The best motivator I found was a positive consequence - a verbal "attaboy" or a reward.
BTW, to the poster who doesn't believe in rewarding accomplishment of a job well done unless it is extraordinary, you don't get a paycheck then? That is a reward. If you stopped getting your paycheck, wouldn't you stop doing your job?
This is still an impressionable teen we are discussing.
I don't think that equating it to a paycheck is the same. You receive a paycheck because that is the agreement you have with your employer. It's not given to you at their discretion as a "reward" for coming in and doing what you are expected to do. A reward is more like a bonus than a paycheck. I do agree with verbal "attaboys" for getting the job done. Positive recognition is certainly a motivator for all of us. Save the reward for when a consistent change in behavior is attained though. "Son, you've really improved on your focus in the morning. We've had several months of no nagging and we appreciate it. <insert reward here>. Good job."
Last edited by maciesmom; 08-17-2013 at 11:35 AM..
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It's not that he doesn't have too much to do, it's that he needs more rest to be able complete the tasks that he does have. Fatigue can play a big role in motivation, even if it's just small tasks like these.
