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I'll chance incurring the wrath of some here. We are not perfect parents. Far from it but I cannot count the number of times we have been complimented on the behavior of our children , especially in restaurants. And we never spanked them or laid a hand on them.
I owned a retail business and I was appalled at how children acted in my shop. And I wasn't afraid to ask parents to hold their hands or keep them from touching my merchandise if it was not meant for children. We taught our kids to hold their hands behind their backs the minute they entered a shop. if they wanted to touch something they asked and , if appropriate, I would hand it to them to look at. But I never gave them something from the shelf to play with during the shopping trip only to put it up at the end of the shopping trip saying "OK now time to leave that here". This is what I have seen almost every time i go to Target or Walmart.
I remember 2 different times when my 3 year old acted up in Cracker Barrel on a road trip. Both times she was in deep sleep when we stopped for a meal and we had to wake her up. It was like she was having an out of body experience as her eyes never really focused. And both times one parent took the food and the kid and went to the car so the rest of the family could enjoy the meal. Sometimes adults wait too late to feed young children and they get fussy and irritable. I understand this and just try to realize they are handling it the best they can. But if a kid is allowed to run free in a restaurant bothering me and my meal, I have
no reservation asking the parent to better manage their kid or the management to speak to the parents. Glares don't bother me in the least.
Regarding handicapped people in public whether adult or children: I try to think about how I would react if I was criticized for taking the person in public. I try to think that this mother may be out of the house for the first time in days or weeks and she needs that restaurant meal or the shopping trip just as much if not more than I need mine. I can't even imagine what it is like to not be able to calmly take your child in public without somebody glaring or making a comment. "There but for the grace of god..."
If you saw earlier in this thread, I leave my 3.5 year old at home because he would not behave in these situations (he has ASD).
But LPDAL is not a parent and seems to only post here to complain about how they feel their family member does not discipline their toddler enough according to his/her opinion, over things that most parents would agree is NOT a discipline issue. LPDAL says "why did you become a parent in the first place", well, I think a lot of "those" parents are former LPDALs who thought it was so damn easy and cave quickly when their theories are blown up in smoke
Yep, I do consider my cousin throwing handfuls of rice across a restaurant, being allowed to run around the restaurant and etc. to be a major discipline problem, but the doctor would probably diagnose him with ADHD or some other bull.
Oh and my whole family does comment on their parenting, so I'm not alone. If you don't want comments, control your kids. A toddler-run household is just setting yourself up for ridicule.
Maybe because, like you, they are overwhelmed because they had a half-baked notion of what they thought being a parent really was like. Those of you who have it all figured out are the type that burns out first.
I find most people have kids because their small head told them to/their wife forced them to. And Honey Momma thinks it's all fine to have cute little babies until they turn into toddlers and start kicking and screaming.
I find most people have kids because their small head told them to/their wife forced them to. And Honey Momma thinks it's all fine to have cute little babies until they turn into toddlers and start kicking and screaming.
Most people you know, to be clear. We're not all carbon copies of each other.
That requires effort, persistence and refusal to be the child's "friend."
Parenting is not friendship, and parents should not expect friendship from their kids. Parenting is teaching the children how to behave in the real world. Teaching must be an every day, every hour, every minute endeavor. Otherwise, you end up with the entitled generations we have now.
Pretty much. And it's really not that much trouble to teach a child how to behave in a nice restaurant without doing that IN a nice restaurant.
First teach them how to behave at meal time at home. Then, take them to McDonald's and require restaurant manners there (no matter WHAT the other kids there are doing - good time to show them that they're not lemmings and don't have to behave badly just because everyone else is). Then take them to a cafeteria or family restaurant and do the same. Then, when they've proven themselves, they can go to nicer places - it's something that they earn, not something that you do just because you can, and they value it more for that reason, in my experience, and turn into the kind of kids who CAN be trusted to go anywhere and behave appropriately.
I'm a never-married, childless, 40ish woman. Spend a lot of time around kids (godchildren, friends' kids). I get the problem is the parents, not the kids. But I still don't care to be subject to the behavior of kids whose parents don't recognize the kids have had enough and don't remove the family from the event/situation, even temporarily. Even if kids aren't out of control volume-wise, I've seen parents just let their kids wander wherever, without any regard for what's going on around them.
I attended a church wedding several years ago where a toddler was screaming bloody murder. It went on for something like 10-15 minutes. The parents would not take the kid outside into the lobby to attempt to calm him down. An usher or two tried to get the parents to leave the sanctuary. They would not. The minister was wearing a mike. You couldn't hear him. You couldn't hear the couple saying their vows. You couldn't hear the music. You couldn't hear anything but the screaming kid. Finally, the minister had to stop everything and request the parents leave, saying the wedding wouldn't continue until they did.
I've seen lower-grammar school aged kids allowed to run around restaurants, having collisions with wait staff and food being spilled. You can be sure if one of those kids was burned by hot food or coffee, the parents would have tried to sue the restaurant.
Pretty much. And it's really not that much trouble to teach a child how to behave in a nice restaurant without doing that IN a nice restaurant.
First teach them how to behave at meal time at home. Then, take them to McDonald's and require restaurant manners there (no matter WHAT the other kids there are doing - good time to show them that they're not lemmings and don't have to behave badly just because everyone else is). Then take them to a cafeteria or family restaurant and do the same. Then, when they've proven themselves, they can go to nicer places - it's something that they earn, not something that you do just because you can, and they value it more for that reason, in my experience, and turn into the kind of kids who CAN be trusted to go anywhere and behave appropriately.
ANd at each step of the game, be prepared to pack up and GO when the expectation is tested recognizing that the investment in education is more important than the price of the meal.
Or have some common sense and don't bring small toddlers out late at night, when they should be in bed.
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