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I'm thinking they can afford an apartment too. If they get WIC and food stamps for food and there's help for insurance for the baby, they should be able to do it. I know there's help for day care.
I think that you are right. It won't be easy but they should be able to afford an apartment with two low wage jobs, especially if they get help from WIC and maybe food stamps. There are places that provide daycare for low income earners at a lower price. They'll make it if they put in the effort.
You are morally opposed to abortion, yet feel no compunction to make certain that baby is born healthy? You do have room for your daughter, the same room she previously occupied. She should not be living in a car, eating who knows what.
I know your daughter has been a screwup. If she has been reaching out to you (and otherwise how do you know about the pregnancy), it's time to open the door, give her a safe place to sleep and let her handle the rest of it.
I don't think I can with the changes in health care. My insurance company is required to keep her on until she's 26 because of obummercare. She costs me nothing to insure because I'd still have to be on the family plan with or without her. I'm hoping there's some kind of state plan for the baby.
They're not required to keep her, they are required to offer you the option to cover her. But you can take her off, she can get her own care.
I really think you need to look into this. Put your ideas about "Obummercare" to the side and investigate your options. She's the kind of person rules were changed to cover. Especially since she has a job.
I do agree it's time to lift her up, not tear her down. The baby needs you to. She needs to get into a place, and it needs to be someplace small and cheap and relatively safe where they can walk to a lot of amenities and/or work to save on gas.
They're not required to keep her, they are required to offer you the option to cover off. But you can take her off, she can get her own care.
She can't take her off until the next open enrollment period or until a qualifying event.
It might be best for her to remain on Ivory's policy even after the baby is born. It doesn't cost Ivory anything. But Medicaid will cost the daughter less in copays and it won't have deductibles so she might be better off going on Medicaid after the baby is born. It just depends on if the local hospitals and doctors accept Medicaid. They do in my city, but I understand it's different in other areas of the country.
The best advice you can give your daughter is to get away from you and your husband. Like it or not...that is YOUR grandchild that youre trying to get rid of. Ok, so the timing is bad, the boyfriend sucks, and your daughter isnt exactly motivated..Oh well. There's a baby coming into this world in January, Lord willing...why dont you get off your judgmental high horse and embrace her at this time in need. Im sure youve made mistakes in life too, nobodys perfect.
I wish I could talk to your daughter during this time because the last thing a pregnant teenager needs is a mom bashing her and giving ultimatums...get rid of that disgusting grandchild of mine that will be born out of wedlock or else. She needs to go to the equivalent of the Department of Children and Families in your state. She will qualify for Food Stamps, WIC (while pregnant and after the baby is born), Medicaid (get her off your insurance so you cant hold that over her head anymore), and possibly even TANF which is Cash Assistance...they can also provide her with referrals to other resources that offer maternity clothing, diapers, baby clothing, baby supplies, parenting classes, subsidized rental apartments/section 8, healthy start/healthy families....all kinds of help is out there if you actually have someone that is genuinely wanting to help you, help you and not just someone thats trying to throw it in your face that you messed up.
If my mother would have reacted as you did to my first pregnancy, I would have taken my loser boyfriend and baby and ran for the hills...My mother would have never seen me or the baby ever again...Is this really the outcome youd like?
She can't take her off until the next open enrollment period or until a qualifying event.
It might be best for her to remain on Ivory's policy even after the baby is born. It doesn't cost Ivory anything. But Medicaid will cost the daughter less in copays and it won't have deductibles so she might be better off going on Medicaid after the baby is born. It just depends on if the local hospitals and doctors accept Medicaid. They do in my city, but I understand it's different in other areas of the country.
I agree. They need to comparison shop at the options in their state. Check out the exchanges and see what's up. But keeping the daughter on her plan is totally an easy option.
They're not required to keep her, they are required to offer you the option to cover her. But you can take her off, she can get her own care.
I really think you need to look into this. Put your ideas about "Obummercare" to the side and investigate your options. She's the kind of person rules were changed to cover. Especially since she has a job.
I do agree it's time to lift her up, not tear her down. The baby needs you to. She needs to get into a place, and it needs to be someplace small and cheap and relatively safe where they can walk to a lot of amenities and/or work to save on gas.
I think if Ivory drops her from the insurance and then she applies for Medicaid, she will be denied.
Ivory, you need to take a deep breath and reevaluate the tone you present to your daughter. What's done is done. Please read your own posts and see what a negative feedback loop you are in with your daughter. I'm not saying she is blameless! She sounds like a real pain in the rear. You have been through a lot with her.
But you are where you are. Take a deep breath and change your approach with her. Even when acknowledging she got a job, you did so in a very negative way, with a facepalm to boot. It IS a step forward. In fact it's a big one! Celebrate it with her! Reward even the smallest steps forward. Indicate that you DO believe she can make good choices. (Maybe she can't. What do you have to lose, in that case, by pretending to believe she can? On the other hand, it might just make a difference to her to think that her mother believes she is competent.)
She is your adult daughter now. It's not about "tough love" or "making it easy/hard" for her. Tough love isn't about punishment. It's about helping your child gain strength by dealing with the consequences of their own actions.
Because she is a young adult and there's a lot she doesn't know, and a lot at stake with a baby on the way, your role as parent of an adult child is as advisor when asked, emotional support/cheerleader, and possibly some critical material support that doesn't weaken her own ability to provide for herself. As I mentioned before, that might be dinner invitations to your home (where you focus on her successes rather than shaking your head at her failures), books on pregnancy, emailed links to available apartments, an offer to accompany her. I think maybe providing a deposit if she comes up with first/last month's rent is not unreasonable at this point.
How about offering to go to garage sales with her once they have an apartment, so that she can furnish it? That would be some fun, inexpensive bonding time when you'd have lots of opportunities to teach her naturally about budgeting, wants vs. needs, purchasing quality items, etc. All skills she needs.
We all know this boyfriend is likely to be only temporarily in the picture. I wouldn't waste a lot of time on him, though he is the father of your grandchild and for that reason I'd cultivate a positive relationship. Supportive. Behave as though you believe in him too.
I'm not saying you should pretend this is all peachy. I'm saying, there's: "Look what you've done. Oh, I knew it...give this baby up; you can't handle it. I'm not doing this for you!! Now you're going to pay for your bad decisions and maybe THAT will teach you," which honestly Ivory is where you are.
Then there's, "Wow. This is a tough situation! It's a good thing you're young and smart. It won't be easy, but I know you can figure it out. I'm sure it's scary, but it's exciting too! We love you. Let me know how I can help you find a place to live and move forward with your new life. I'd love it if you would come over for dinner whenever you want so I can be sure you are eating right! Do you want to look in the paper for some apartments? I'll go look with you if you want. How much do you think you'll need for a deposit? How are you planning on getting that together, dear?"
Which one would have a better chance of success and paving a new road for your relationship? I am NOT a Pollyanna who believes that wishing makes it so. I'm just saying you have nothing to lose by taking a more positive tone, and besides that it is the right thing to do.
Last edited by Montanama; 06-23-2014 at 11:09 AM..
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She needs to go to the equivalent of the Department of Children and Families in your state. She will qualify for Food Stamps, WIC (while pregnant and after the baby is born), Medicaid (get her off your insurance so you cant hold that over her head anymore), and possibly even TANF which is Cash Assistance...they can also provide her with referrals to other resources that offer maternity clothing, diapers, baby clothing, baby supplies, parenting classes, subsidized rental apartments/section 8, healthy start/healthy families....all kinds of help is out there if you actually have someone that is genuinely wanting to help you, help you and not just someone thats trying to throw it in your face that you messed up.