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I'm noticing that you are readily replying to those who have suggestions regarding insurance matters, but less (not) bothering to reply to those including myself making suggestions as to how to change your approach as a parent.
At least she's no longer ranting about adoption. That's a start, right?
Imagine that. I asked about how to proceed financially so those are the posts I'm answering. Go figure. I have no intention of changing my course as a parent at this time because I believe it is the right one. I didn't ask for advice on how to handle this. Just on what's out there for help financially so they can get on their feet. So yes, those are the posts I'll answer. I'm not interested in the others. I believe it is time for tough love and that is not open for debate. She needs to grow up before this baby is born. Period. I would have much preferred she had taken 4 or 5 more years to grow up before becoming a parent but she didn't. It's crunch time.
Wow Ivory. No one was being hostile toward you. I think the insights I and others have provided as to your method/understanding of what "tough love" entails and why your version of it might not have been/continue to be effective are pretty valuable, and could really make things better for you, your daughter, and your grandchild.
They were offered with a loving (and experienced) spirit of sisterhood, and without judgment.
If you had read my posts, you would know that I agree with your general course, just not with your current demeanor or the destructive messages you are definitely sending your daughter, though I don't think you mean to.
At this point, if you read what has been offered by me and others and toss it all without consideration, I don't think you actually understand what "tough love" means. You have the tough part, and seem to think it equals punishment and "I told you so," which is not actually what it should mean. It's the love you struggle with expressing in a way that is supportive rather than enabling. Learning the difference could help YOU reach YOUR goals for your daughter and would definitely help her.
I was hoping to have been helpful, as there is a whole lot at stake and I do know whereof I speak.
Ivory... Obamacare only requires the insuarance companies to allow coverage until age 26. There is no mandate as to the parents actually doing so. Yes legally you can drop your child. One thing you may really want to check into is the fact that many insurance companies do not cover dependent maternity benefits. If your insurance company is like 85-90% of them, they will deny any maternity claims related to your daughter. You may want to call your provider and find out immediately. If not, most will consider pregnancy of a dependent as a qualifying event and allow you to make the changes necessary to drop her from coverage.
If your provider will cover maternity benefits for your daughter, she will receive better treatment and better access to doctors off of your coverage than she would on medicaid.
Either way, the baby will be eligible for medicaid so that will not be a worry.
I don't think I can drop her without her having her own insurance which she doesn't have. I think if she walks into the welfare office with a BCBS card, they are not going to put her on Medicaid but she'd have to be on Medicaid for me to drop her from my insurance. I think we're chasing our tail here but I agree she'll likely get better care from my insurance. As I said in another post my insurance rocks. My job may not pay much but I have great insurance. Her care will be 100% covered. It's the baby that won't be covered. The last thing they need is a couple of thousand dollar bill from the hospital because the baby's care after birth wasn't covered. That has to be sorted out before the baby is born.
At least she's no longer ranting about adoption. That's a start, right?
No ranting. I just think it's the best option for the baby and the baby is the one who counts most here. It would be nice if they'd do the right thing but right now they're not open to it. Perhaps they'll change their mind as they see the kind of life they are condemning this child to. They may yet figure out that what is best for their child is to let someone else raise it. No one wins if they keep the baby but this is a choice they will make on their own. I can only recommend that they put their baby first. They have to choose whether to put themselves of the baby first. Though they don't realize that putting the baby first is putting themselves first. It would mean a chance to grow up before becoming parents and a chance that life will be better. It's going to pretty much suck as things are and it sucks most for the baby. An uneducated teen mother is not the best start in life.
It is an unfortunate situation indeed.
Last edited by Ivorytickler; 06-23-2014 at 12:21 PM..
You probably can. She's pregnant now not to mention low income. That changes her situation AND she would very likely qualify for medicaid if nothing else. Pregnant women pretty much get that automatically.
Just investigate, because the state rules vary... but in general low income pregnant women have very few barriers to getting covered as a rule. It is in the state's interest to make sure someone somewhere carries her. You just have to find out how to not make it YOU.
She might have to have her own apartment first or officially be designated as "homeless" in some state agency, plus you probably can't claim her in your taxes... but she can get covered. How old is she anyway? How long ago did she drop out of college?
She will not be able to drop her simply because she's pregnant and low income.
If she marries the boyfriend, Ivory can drop her from her insurance. Then she can get on Medicaid.
If she doesn't marry, Ivory can drop her at the next open enrollment period. Nobody is required to keep an adult child on their insurance for eternity.
I don't think I can drop her without her having her own insurance which she doesn't have. I think if she walks into the welfare office with a BCBS card, they are not going to put her on Medicaid but she'd have to be on Medicaid for me to drop her from my insurance. I think we're chasing our tail here but I agree she'll likely get better care from my insurance. As I said in another post my insurance rocks. My job may not pay much but I have great insurance. Her care will be 100% covered. It's the baby that won't be covered.
Ivory I know you don't think you can, but your thought is incorrect. you can drop her anytime you want, just because you want to. I am sorry, but just because you don't believe one way or the other does not change the fact you are incorrect. Go read the law, or consult an attorney and they will tell you the same thing. Also you may have great insurance, but that still does not mean they cover dependent maternity benefits.
Honestly, you can either listen to those who are telling you the truth or you can believe something you made up in your own mind when it comes to the law. Just know people are only trying to show concern for the baby that is your grandchild
I don't think I can drop her without her having her own insurance which she doesn't have. I think if she walks into the welfare office with a BCBS card, they are not going to put her on Medicaid but she'd have to be on Medicaid for me to drop her from my insurance. I think we're chasing our tail here but I agree she'll likely get better care from my insurance. As I said in another post my insurance rocks. My job may not pay much but I have great insurance. Her care will be 100% covered. It's the baby that won't be covered. The last thing they need is a couple of thousand dollar bill from the hospital because the baby's care after birth wasn't covered. That has to be sorted out before the baby is born.
Quit thinking and call your HR department. You are wrong about thinking you can't drop her without her having her own insurance. You can drop her at the next open enrollment period, and she can apply for her own insurance at that time.
Her care will be 100% covered on Medicaid too. And she won't have copays or they will be less. If you're willing to continue paying her copays, that's fine. Definitely research it. It might not be best to drop her, but it might. If she misses out on services and housing because she's on your insurance, that would be a very valid reason to drop her when you can.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler
No ranting. I just think it's the best option for the baby and the baby is the one who counts most here. It would be nice if they'd do the right thing but right now they're not open to it. Perhaps they'll change their mind as they see the kind of life they are condemning this child to.
Since they don't want to do it, there's not reason to focus on it. It's better to focus on finding her help so she can get on her feet.
The problem is I don't believe I can drop her from my insurance. I believe that once obummercare took effect, I had no choice but to cover her until she's 26. I know I can't drop her without her having her own insurance so I think we're locked out of these programs. It's worth looking into but I'm thinking she's only going to be able to get Medicaid for the baby. However, some of these programs may be fine with her using BCBS. My insurance rocks. I don't remember the last time I had a bill besides a $20 co pay. They even covered dd's counseling. She could do 26 sessions a year and they paid all but $20. I'm thinking that she will not qualify for Medicaid because she's on my insurance and I don't think I can drop her. Obammacare may have burned us here. However, she is covered and is gettingprenatal care. What won't be covered will be the baby's care after it is born. I can't cover the baby.
I'm confused. If you have such great insurance AND you do not have to pay anything extra because you already have a family plan since you have another daughter how did Obamacare "burn" you?
It seems like your daughter's current insurance may or may not be better than Medicaid. But, you won't know for sure until your daughter, or you, make a few phone calls.
If DD#1 has great insurance already what is the problem? Were you wanting to drop her before? Or, do you want to drop her to punish her because she got pregnant?
Or, maybe, you just want to complain. Sheesh.
BTW, if she and her BF decide to get married you may not have to complain about being "forced" (IMO, I think that you probably are wrong on that point) to have her on your insurance policy any more.
If she marries the boyfriend, Ivory can drop her from her insurance. Then she can get on Medicaid.
If she doesn't marry, Ivory can drop her at the next open enrollment period. Nobody is required to keep an adult child on their insurance for eternity.
YES, being pregnant and low income CAN GET HER COVERED, which is what I was saying. LOL
I said in the last paragraph that she'd probably have to do some things to be able to drop her. There's a procedure to be followed for sure.
Why do you argue with me every time this comes up? Even though we are saying the same thing? Am I being confusing? My apologies, but you are kind of freaking me out here. LOL
No ranting. I just think it's the best option for the baby and the baby is the one who counts most here. It would be nice if they'd do the right thing but right now they're not open to it. Perhaps they'll change their mind as they see the kind of life they are condemning this child to. They may yet figure out that what is best for their child is to let someone else raise it.
If the baby is the one that counts the most here then I wonder why you are letting the baby's pregnant mother live in a car... but nevermind, if that's the approach you are sticking with then take those lists of helpful places that Hopes posted, dial the numbers on the phone and then hand the phone to your daughter and make sure she calls them if you worry that she will not do it of her own accord. Same with the welfare office, take her there and wait outside until she has got all the information and filled out all the forms she needs to. Some people need a push to get in the right direction and also the confidence of making those phone calls themselves, dealing with that office themselves etc. can give them the confidence and motivation to grow up and take care of their own issues.
But I really hope that if the situation ends up that the baby will be homeless that you change your mind on supporting her.
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I have no intention of changing my course as a parent at this time because I believe it is the right one. I didn't ask for advice on how to handle this. Just on what's out there for help financially so they can get on their feet. So yes, those are the posts I'll answer. I'm not interested in the others. I believe it is time for tough love and that is not open for debate. She needs to grow up before this baby is born. Period. I would have much preferred she had taken 4 or 5 more years to grow up before becoming a parent but she didn't. It's crunch time.
