My daughter hates me after an affair and divorce her father (raise, family)
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One of my daughters found out i was having an affair and told their father. He filed for a divorce. It was a horrible, nasty long drawn divorce.
I was so unhappy for so many years and wasn't planning on getting a divorce. I was planning on taking care of my ex the rest of my life even during the affair.
So, if I understand this correctly, you were going to stay married "to take care of your husband", yet have an affair until the day you died? I'm not saying your ex is husband of the year, but what you did is inexcusable. If you were truly unhappy with your ex, you BOTH should have gone to counseling or YOU should have filed for divorce. If your vows were traditional, you vowed to stay with him in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer. You broke those vows, not your ex and now you wonder why one of your children hates you? You are back at the ground level with your daughter and now you need to earn her trust just as any stranger would.
If your vows were traditional, you vowed to stay with him in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer. You broke those vows, not your ex and now you wonder why one of your children hates you? You are back at the ground level with your daughter and now you need to earn her trust just as any stranger would.
The ex also broke the vows by filing for divorce.
If anyone needs to earn trust, it is the daughter.
So, if I understand this correctly, you were going to stay married "to take care of your husband", yet have an affair until the day you died? I'm not saying your ex is husband of the year, but what you did is inexcusable. If you were truly unhappy with your ex, you BOTH should have gone to counseling or YOU should have filed for divorce. If your vows were traditional, you vowed to stay with him in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer. You broke those vows, not your ex and now you wonder why one of your children hates you? You are back at the ground level with your daughter and now you need to earn her trust just as any stranger would.
If the vows were traditional, the husband also vowed to love, honor and cherish....
If the vows were traditional, the husband also vowed to love, honor and cherish....
And nothing in the OPs post said that he didn't "love, honor and cherish" his wife. Yes, he became lazy and blamed everyone else for his problems, but that doesn't mean he didn't love his wife.
And nothing in the OPs post said that he didn't "love, honor and cherish" his wife. Yes, he became lazy and blamed everyone else for his problems, but that doesn't mean he didn't love his wife.
How did he demonstrate that he cherishes and honors her?
And nothing in the OPs post said that he didn't "love, honor and cherish" his wife. Yes, he became lazy and blamed everyone else for his problems, but that doesn't mean he didn't love his wife.
Not doing your share for years and years while your spouse carries the entire burden even though you are capable, is not loving, cherishing or honoring.
Last edited by maciesmom; 10-03-2016 at 01:04 PM..
How did he demonstrate that he cherishes and honors her?
Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom
Not doing your share for years and years while your spouse carries the entire burden even though you are capable, is not loving, cherishing or honoring.
Right now, all we have is one side to the story and she admitted to having an affair while married. She also admitted that she was going to keep on with her affair and stay married which in my opinion is worse than having the affair and filing for divorce. I'm just saying that without his side of the story, we don't know that he didn't love, honor, and cherish her. Could he have treated her better? Just from looking at her side of the story, yes he could have. Obviously, 1 of the 3 daughters thought he did an ok job of raising them. If she worked 2 jobs to make ends meet, that means he was a stay at home dad taking care of the children until they were old enough to move out. I'm judging her by what she has admitted to. I'm not going to judge him by something she said because she has already admitted to cheating and lying. To me, cheating on your spouse is the same as lying to your spouse about your relationship, so what else is she lying about?
Right now, all we have is one side to the story and she admitted to having an affair while married. She also admitted that she was going to keep on with her affair and stay married which in my opinion is worse than having the affair and filing for divorce. I'm just saying that without his side of the story, we don't know that he didn't love, honor, and cherish her. Could he have treated her better? Just from looking at her side of the story, yes he could have. Obviously, 1 of the 3 daughters thought he did an ok job of raising them. If she worked 2 jobs to make ends meet, that means he was a stay at home dad taking care of the children until they were old enough to move out. I'm judging her by what she has admitted to. I'm not going to judge him by something she said because she has already admitted to cheating and lying. To me, cheating on your spouse is the same as lying to your spouse about your relationship, so what else is she lying about?
I'm not condoning the cheating, but dad doesn't get off with a free pass here. According to her, he didn't do ANY housework for all those years. I think we can probably agree that a SAHP should be doing most of the house work. According to her, he pretended he couldn't do it for 16 years! That's 16 years worth of lying and watching your spouse do everything.
I'm not condoning the cheating, but dad doesn't get off with a free pass here. According to her, he didn't do ANY housework for all those years. I think we can probably agree that a SAHP should be doing most of the house work. According to her, he pretended he couldn't do it for 16 years! That's 16 years worth of lying and watching your spouse do everything.
I'm definitely not saying that the ex should get off with a free pass, I'm just saying I don't believe her side of it 100%. For instance, she said that he wouldn't even cut his own meat. It seems like with each of her posts, he becomes worse and worse. I'm waiting for the next post of her saying that he locked her in closets on her days off.
I'm definitely not saying that the ex should get off with a free pass, I'm just saying I don't believe her side of it 100%. For instance, she said that he wouldn't even cut his own meat. It seems like with each of her posts, he becomes worse and worse. I'm waiting for the next post of her saying that he locked her in closets on her days off.
It doesn't matter. The OP wasn't asking for her actions to be examined,although she was open about some regrets, she was asking how to deal with her daughter. After all, this is the parenting forum.
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