My daughter hates me after an affair and divorce her father (get married, learning)
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It doesn't matter. The OP wasn't asking for her actions to be examined,although she was open about some regrets, she was asking how to deal with her daughter. After all, this is the parenting forum.
And how can you help her deal with her daughter without knowing and examining her actions?
And how can you help her deal with her daughter without knowing and examining her actions?
Perhaps you should tell us how it would be helpful? The OP has owned her part by admitting to having an affair. Mea culpa acknowledged.
The daughter isn't interested in her mother's point of view, or the sacrifices said mother made to keep the family together while they grew up. No amount of chastisement here as to the cause will change that. Only time, and experiencing her father's unwillingness to do what he can within his disability will. Some kids have to learn the hard way, and that's fine. They do learn in the end, hopefully.
But you sit on the single side of the aisle. If you've never married, you can't say you would never have cheated, or that you could handle 16 years of duty without love. It's easy to pass judgment, much harder to stick to a marriage vow when your spouse checks out.
Omg, seriously. Listen. It may get HARD, but the vows say FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE. Stick it out because you vowed to. I cannot believe this culture anymore. Remember the reasons you married in the first place and work your ass off to stay in it.
Perhaps you should tell us how it would be helpful? The OP has owned her part by admitting to having an affair. Mea culpa acknowledged.
The daughter isn't interested in her mother's point of view, or the sacrifices said mother made to keep the family together while they grew up. No amount of chastisement here as to the cause will change that. Only time, and experiencing her father's unwillingness to do what he can within his disability will. Some kids have to learn the hard way, and that's fine. They do learn in the end, hopefully.
I agree with you on this for the most part. The issue I do see is that because of the cheating and the house situation, from the daughters perspective she feels like she has lost trust and confidence in her mother. This could be because of the many reasons people have outlined in this thread and it could also be from reasons not outlined here. Either way, the OP needs to try and work with her daughter to regain the trust that was lost. This is a two way street between both mother and daughter. The key item in this process is patience. There is no magical fix for this.
Omg, seriously. Listen. It may get HARD, but the vows say FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE. Stick it out because you vowed to. I cannot believe this culture anymore. Remember the reasons you married in the first place and work your ass off to stay in it.
OMG, why are certain posters adamant that it's all on the OP? BOTH were wrong.
And as Mattie said, she asked about her relationship with her daughter not for opinions on her behavior, which she already owned. Why the need to continue with the scarlet letter treatment?
The daughter will get over it (or not) in her own time.
Location: Finally the house is done and we are in Port St. Lucie!
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Also, please remember that the daughter had no problem letting her mom (the one that did wrong) babysit her child... until the time that daughter was able to move into her dad's house. After the move, now she is vocal?!?
Omg, seriously. Listen. It may get HARD, but the vows say FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE. Stick it out because you vowed to. I cannot believe this culture anymore. Remember the reasons you married in the first place and work your ass off to stay in it.
I married to be one half of a partnership, in all things going forward. Jobs, house, kids, etc. One person can't, and shouldn't be expected to, handle both halves, as long as the other half is able. He was. He didn't. Marriage over.
I married to be one half of a partnership, in all things going forward. Jobs, house, kids, etc. One person can't, and shouldn't be expected to, handle both halves, as long as the other half is able. He was. He didn't. Marriage over.
Omg, seriously. Listen. It may get HARD, but the vows say FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE. Stick it out because you vowed to. I cannot believe this culture anymore. Remember the reasons you married in the first place and work your ass off to stay in it.
In that case, the husband should have stuck it out also.
There won't be much you can do. She sounds like one of my daughters; always looking to blame someone else for the bad choices she made. I have three grown daughters and the other two do not have that mindset. I don't know why the middle one won't take responsibility. They were all raised the same way.
I guess you should have divorced your husband first, before getting involved, but that's life. It happens.
I'm glad you are happy now and are loved. Sounds like your daughter and your ex deserve each other.
Wow
How can you can make such a judgment from a one sided story, that sounds more like excuse making and rationalization, than genuine remorse for mistakes made?
We obviously know little to nothing about this situation other than part of a biased version. What bad choices did the daughter & ex husband make to get you to say the daughter and ex deserve each other?
BTW - I'd add that while there seems to be a gender role reversal as to whom stayed home and who did the work outside of the home, that is still no excuse for an affair. Men who are out and about in the workforce have no excuse to cheat on a stay at home wife/mom. So neither does the OP have reason to deride the husband, especially because he became disabled.
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