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Old 05-15-2020, 12:05 PM
 
Location: Sierra Nevadas (California)
56,967 posts, read 4,179,510 times
Reputation: 18088

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I have no advice, but I agree with those who said putting a child in a bed, without blankets, on a cold night is ABUSE. If she stored her "art" in a child's room, then the blame is on her, for not taking precautions to put it someplace safe. Time for you to wake up.
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Old 05-16-2020, 06:32 PM
 
1,998 posts, read 578,465 times
Reputation: 1536
The wife should maybe leave for a bit. Sounds like she doesn’t want to be a mother right now. I get that working from home and raising a 6 yr old kid with ADD probably isn’t easy but throwing toys and being cruel isn’t the way to go here.

My kids were bratty all day today but we did our best to just get through the day and get them to bed. I blame my husband who let them stay up until 915 last night to watch a movie.
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Old 05-18-2020, 10:40 AM
 
Location: Midwest
4,822 posts, read 7,596,046 times
Reputation: 8779
Quote:
Originally Posted by eschaton View Post
Hello all,

So, like a lot of Americans, my wife and I are working from home right now, and the kids are in the house with us. My daughter - who is 10 - is fine during the day, doing most of her online schooling with little help, and just spending the rest of the day watching Neflix and watching TV.

My son who is six on the other hand is another matter. He is ADD and really unable to be left alone for any length of time, which we unfortunately have to do. I do online schooling with him, but that's only a few hours out of the day, and my wife and I are supposed to work from home from 9-5. My wife has a much more defined schedule than I do, and really does not want to be bothered with him during the work day at all. She'll spend a little bit of time going into the playroom to yell at him, and go right back to work. I am a bit more flexible, but I can't be constantly watching him at all times - it's just not feasible. Unfortunately his sister wants nothing to do with him.

Just today he was in the playroom and got into all of his sister's stuff - meaning he trashed her art supplies and unplugged all of the cables on her computer. Then he took out all of his puzzles and mixed up the pieces so that he had no idea what was what. He also tied several of his toys to the blind strings. My wife came into the room, threatened to take all the pieces away unless he fixed things, and left. Soon after he peed his pants (which still happens a few times a week, unfortunately). I went downstairs to get him a change of clothes, and discovered he ransacked his bedroom, including pulling all of his socks and underwear out of his drawers and throwing them around the room. At which point I totally lost it with him, screaming at him even though my wife was on a Zoom call right in the other room. He started crying, and I felt bad about myself.

Seriously though, I don't know how we're going to get through this. My son actually does have recognition that he shouldn't be left alone. Sometimes he tells me to please stay with him so he doesn't do "anything crazy." But we still need to work full-time jobs, and I would get basically zero work done during the work day if I always had to be in the same room with him, as he doesn't understand as it is that I can't sit there with him and watch Netflix shows/play with him. My wife believes we should just continue to throw his toys away until he learns not to trash things. I'm wondering if we should remove everything that might get him in trouble out of the playroom and lock him inside (letting him out for bathroom breaks of course). Again, the unfortunate thing is the real solution - constant supervision - just isn't feasible, so we're left at a loss.
I think your governor could benefit from babysitting your son for a week or two. Ask him if he's available, between issuing decrees.
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Old 05-18-2020, 07:12 PM
 
17,790 posts, read 21,889,124 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nobodysbusiness View Post
Being yelled at by a pissed off parent is a consequence of destroying someone's cherished item. He had no right to do that.
There was more than yelling going on and you know that since you read the OP's post. That was physical abuse, love how you left that part out.

If someone is stupid enough to leave their cherished item under the bed where the child could get at, well that's beyond dumb.

This woman is an abuser, and I get the feeling the OP is somewhat afraid of her. It's usually the husband in most cases, but it does happen where the wife is the abuser.

A few posters mentioned to OP getting the family out of there. Might be easier for her to go somewhere, a friend or family member. OP is the one who is parenting and she is like having a keg of dynamite in the house.
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Old 05-19-2020, 12:41 PM
 
33 posts, read 9,152 times
Reputation: 162
This pandemic is hard enough on children who don’t have add or other issues, imagine what it’s like on children who do. Op, you and your wife’s first job is to parent, he is a young child and regardless of your jobs he is not old enough to be on his own 8 plus hours, much less expecting him to sit still that long especially if he has add, not his fault. Yes, he should not have broken her art project, but throwing toys at him was far more worse. The child is crying for attention and boundaries that he has a right to.

You need to step in as a advocate for your son to get your wife on board to parent your kids.
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Old 05-20-2020, 09:16 PM
 
50 posts, read 26,735 times
Reputation: 130
If I was a six year old, I would want to feel loved, protected and cared for by my parents. If I spent my days feeling frustrated, lonely, scared, guilty, unhappy and anxious about when a parent was going to go into a rage at me or another family member, throw things at me, be cruel to me and devise ways to make me suffer, I think I would have problems wetting my clothes or acting out, too.

These children don’t have a stable home. From what the OP said, they have never had a stable home or an adult they can trust to love them and defend them (sadly, it sounds like they do need to be defended in their own home).

Yes, children take time and need attention and love if you want them to be happy children and happy adults. I don’t know if that is going to be possible in this household, because what they are learning about abusive relationships is the main thing they are learning about relationships.

Your child sounds very unhappy. Your ten year old is probably unhappy, too, living in that environment. Please take the advice others have given you about being more active with them and arranging your schedule to meet their needs. Protect them from your wife. If you don’t do it, no one else will.
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Old 05-21-2020, 01:30 AM
 
21 posts, read 4,395 times
Reputation: 71
Poor kid. I wonder why some people still have kids when they don’t/won’t/can’t give the kids what they need. I did not have kids and do not want to.
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Old 05-22-2020, 05:36 AM
 
6,727 posts, read 5,800,687 times
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Kids need to burn off energy (I'm minding my two grandsons during the pandemic...ages 6 and 3). They need exercise and to run around, and I make sure they get outside every afternoon for active play. Do you have a yard or access to a park? Can you not take your son for a long walk to tire him out? Sitting in front of a screen not moving isn't good for the ten-year-old either. Maybe a family walk every evening would benefit all of you and help destress your wife.
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Old 05-22-2020, 06:21 AM
 
33 posts, read 9,152 times
Reputation: 162
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrs. Skeffington View Post
Kids need to burn off energy (I'm minding my two grandsons during the pandemic...ages 6 and 3). They need exercise and to run around, and I make sure they get outside every afternoon for active play. Do you have a yard or access to a park? Can you not take your son for a long walk to tire him out? Sitting in front of a screen not moving isn't good for the ten-year-old either. Maybe a family walk every evening would benefit all of you and help destress your wife.
Agree one hundred percent
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Old 05-22-2020, 08:57 AM
 
6,727 posts, read 5,800,687 times
Reputation: 9461
Quote:
Originally Posted by hunterseat View Post
Are there any chemicals in his food that might be triggering some of this behavior? It would be worth a try. Try for about 4 or 5 days. It's simple and sometimes effective. Just focus on absolutely no artificial colors & flavors. I get flamed for suggesting this but I've had great results with my own child.

He recognizes his own crazy behavior. If the food you feed him contributes, he will gladly stay on the diet. I already know he's brilliant.
This. Try cutting out processed foods and, most of all SUGAR in all forms. My DD insists on avoiding sugar and processed foods in my grandsons' diet, and feeds them only organic. However, the hidden sugar in the honey and raisins they like on their oatmeal can send bouncing off the walls if they eat too much. Ditto the concetrated sugar in juice. The oldest has some attention deficit/concentration issues that are noticably excellerated by something as innocent as a juice box and Ritz crackers (the standard snack offered at his after school program). DD had to make sure to send his own snacks with him. If he were ever, God forbid, allowed to eat a Milky Way, I don't know how he'd react.
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