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It worked for me. And when I was in grade school the teachers each had their own paddles. It kept pretty much all the kids in line. Nobody wanted to go to the head of the class and grab their ankles. It was sort of humiliating. Not to mention it hurt a little.
It worked for me. And when I was in grade school the teachers each had their own paddles. It kept pretty much all the kids in line. Nobody wanted to go to the head of the class and grab their ankles. It was sort of humiliating. Not to mention it hurt a little.
Rance got a paddling in school?? Nooo, I don't believe it!!
My parents only used spanking when we were putting ourselves in a dangerous situation- such as playing around the stove, running after balls in the street, jumping down the stairs (not necessarily *dangerous* but my mom broke her 2 of her toes and an ankle jumping down the stairs as kid- how, I have NO idea- and so that was the ULTIMATE no no), etc.
And guess what? My brother and I are not serial killers. We are polite. We say please and thank you, hold doors open for people, and are good people. We don't drink, we vote in every election down to practically the dog catcher, we respect those who deserve to be respected (we were taught that respect is earned, not freely given which IMO is much better than just "respect authority), we've never have even the slightest bit of trouble with the law
Your parents let you know that if you were doing something out of line a spanking was not "out of the question". You behaved and did not put yourself in a dangerous situation because there was a "consequence for your actions". The whole point. My issue is not to spank a child for every single thing. A level headed parent utilizes spankings when necessary and nine times out of ten, necessary won't equate to regularly. If as a parent you have to consistently spank your child then there is something else obviously going on that is causing the child to misbehave, but that's another story altogether.
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Originally Posted by charolastra00
On the other hand, my best friend growing up was spanked regularly and was in rehab before her sophomore year in high school.
I'm sure that there were other issues contributing to drug problem.
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Originally Posted by charolastra00
Spanking does not equal good parenting.
Spanking also does not equal bad parenting or child abuse.
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Originally Posted by charolastra00
Most of the kids I know who were spanked have been in trouble with drugs, alcohol, teen pregnancy, or just the law in general. I don't really think it has anything to do with spanking- but I don't think spanking is effective if it's used on any kind of regular basis.
As stated above, if you have to spank regularly, then something else is going on, IMO. Also, I wouldn't go so far as to agree that spanking caused them to become wayward youth - there's another underlying problem that has probably never been addressed.
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Originally Posted by charolastra00
That backfired with many of my friends growing up and because my mother respected me growing up, I had no need to ever hide anything from her about any aspect of my life.
Your mother respected you growing up What does hiding something from your parent(s) have to do with spanking, I'm a bit confused.
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Originally Posted by charolastra00
Still, I don't agree with it being banned.
We can agree here.
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Originally Posted by charolastra00
Just if you resort to smacking your kids in public, understand that you're just showing the world that you cannot control your kids in a positive way and you are going to get dirty looks and comments because smacking your kid almost ALWAYS leads to screaming (both the parent and the kid) and a general scene.
Smacking is not the same as spanking. I do not understand why you all keep trying to over-exaggerate. I suppose it's necessary to help draw validity to your argument.
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Originally Posted by charolastra00
Just because you're not bothered with the fact that your kid is screaming and crying and being a holy terror because you can't control him doesn't mean the rest of us are alright with it. I've had too many meals ruined by parents who spanked their kids and then proceeded to yell at them when they cried.
I've had too many meals and family outings ruined by unruly children whose parents had absolutely no control and failed to disclipline them in any way whatsoever. They don't even know how to utilize "THE LOOK" to put a halt to the bad behaviour.
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Originally Posted by Mooseketeer
I agree a bit of discipline does not hurt anyone and in fact is a positive step for kids growing up as responsible adults.
It seems parents nowadays are unable to say "NO" to their children. The result is ill behaved rude children who will in turn become ill behaved rude adults and breed accordingly...
I wish parents would take responsibilty for their offspring and actually teach their children manners and a modicum of civility towards others.
Like all civilised human beings I am firmly opposed to any form of child abuse, beating , mental and physical bullying, exploitation etc.. but to equate a slight ( and very occasional) smack on the fleshiest part of the anatomy or the back of the leg on rare occasions is utterly ludicrous.
Children need boundaries and sometimes a mild spank is the shock needed for some children. I would say it does not work for all kids though but still is hardly a crime worth punishing with some legal repercussions.
Parents must be allowed some form of personal choice as to what is acceptable as long as it is reasonable.
I cannot abide children who are allowed to run riot, eat only what they want, are rude to their parents, elders and even contemporaries.
Yes children deserve a childhood and there is nothing wrong with joyous playful little ones. However this does not mean that kids have the right to rule over the world, and behave like hooligans.
I am a firm believer in treating kids like adults most of the time as I feel they respond far better and behave more maturely, but occasionally a firmer hand is required.
To criminalise parents for a slight tap on the bum is idiotic and legally dangerous. We would be putting the power in kids hands and as we know a spurned child can do a lot of damage. I can see legions of innocent parents being branded as virtual monsters because the latest disney toy or electronic gadget had been refused or too slowing in coming...
Spanking is hardly the same as being belted.
The only time I was ever spanked was by my grand-mother at the age of 3 after I ran across a very busy road with my toy pram. She has spent ages telling me to be careful and I just ran across.
Her spanking was a release for her ( not necessarily a bad thing IMO) and also a lesson not to ignore her regarding safety again. It worked. I never did it again.
I was "lucky" because my Dad ( strictest Dad ever) never , ever had to spank me, he had "the Look" which would have frozen the most hardened of hearts. To be honest many times I wished he had spanked me instead as "the Look" was far worse...
To legislate against spanking is to me, opting for the soft option when we should be legislating against emotional and psychological abuse which is far more damaging than a small tap on the butt. Kids grow up emotionally damaged because of parents who don't spend time with them, don't play with them, don't teach and educate them properly,make them feel like lesser humans and simply make them feel as they hadn't wanted them in the first place. To me that is true abuse.
Great post and great points. I wholeheartedly agree
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Originally Posted by GregW
I was spanked a lot by my stepfather for all manner of real or imagined offences. When I got to 14 years old and 165 lbs. of well-muscled meanness I made an oak quarterstaff and threatened to rearrange his body if he ever tried to hit me again. Fortunately for him, and me, he ran away from a well-disserved beating. Unfortunately he then took up beating my mother so we left a financially comfortable life for one of real poverty. I should have instructed him to not do that but my mother never displayed the bruises.
The problem with using violence on children is they grow up and can be more than willing to return the favor. Or just go on to use violence to ‘discipline’ their children. Then there is no end to the tragedy.
GregW this was child abuse and torture, no doubt about it. Unfortunately, this is not what I nor any other posters here advocate. Your stepfather obviously had a lot of other issues going on that had nothing at all to do with you, but unfortunately he chose you as his outlet, which is plain wrong
For crying out loud people! Listen, it never hurt me or my sister and I'm pretty sure it never hurt most of the rest of us who ever got a swat on the but! I think that I grew up to be a pretty good person and I'm sure that the rest of you did too. My parents taught me manners, they taught me how to be respectful and they taught me to be truthful. That, is what's truly important. They taught me to hold doors for people, They taught me to say please and thank you and to never talk back to your parents. They taught me that something that is not mine, does not belong to me! To respect people, their privacy and to never lie. We all do our best to raise our kids to be good people. Some of us have different ways of getting that message across. When my father spanked me (One time for when I speared a chicken and another for when I pushed my sister down the stairs and a third that I can't even remember), I got three cracks across my ass! Three! Not five, or eight, or ten and not with a belt, or a board, or any other household object, but with his bare hand! We should not be bickering amongst ourselves. It's not about who's kid did what and who's kid didn't, It's about what the hell our government is thinking! They ought not have the right to intervene in any private affairs! We lose to many of our rights as a people because we sit by and do nothing. It's about time we started spanking our lawmakers!
Well, I never voted in the poll because I didn't feel one way or the other before I started reading the responses.
I used to think spanking was okay...
But after doing some research, I don't know that I feel that way anymore.
Does spanking really produce better kids -- or is it more of an outlet for the parents frustrations?
I am HIGHLY critical of putting soap in children's mouths because soap was never made to be ingested. I think that is child abuse and I have to wonder where someone who would put soap in a child's mouth would stop. Would they put cigarettes out on a child's arm if the child touched a cigarette? Would they rub a child's bedsheet in their face if the child urinated on it? If a child pooped in bed, would they make them eat it? Where does the abuse end? To me, any of these scenarios are HIGHLY abusive.
With regards to spanking, a quick swat on the butt never hurt anyone -- but I don't know if that is enough to make most kids fear "the quick swat on the butt." A LOT of parents go far beyond that to make their message heard.
"Spanking" means something different to a lot of people. For some people, it is only using your hand. For others, it means pulling out the "props" (Paddles, belts, hangers, whatever). I don't think it would hurt parental rights if spanking was defined by law.
As far as babies go -- babies can DIE from being shaken! What sane parent would spank a baby?!!
putting soap in a child's mouth, compared to putting a cigerette out on a child's arm for gods sake, will you listen to yourself for one moment? ...are you really compating the two as equal issues?
Or beating your child until he is dead, and spanking your child, are you actually comparing the two?
and yes, babies can die from being shaken...and no body here is talking about spanking a baby??????? Where are you getting these comparisons to spanking...
if your for or against spanking....please keep your comparasins within a realistic realm of comparrison....please?
I just cannot believe the extremes people will go to plead their points....which are for the most part, ridiculous...these cases are isolated cases of extreme abuse....not the ordinary spanking...and we parents do not, I repeat, do not take our frustrations out on helpless little kids....does it happen, yes, but when it does, it is called abuse and the athorites then take over...and if this is the mind set...make spanking illegal and you stop the abuse...you'd better take another look at reality....
I cannot believe the mind set and the extremes that are identified with spanking here...
this is not only a manipulative defense but a very limited way to problem solve...
amazing the lengths people will go to and say to prove their points and find quick fixes for a problem....spanking a child, is not abuse...it does not leave the child with severe mental trama...it does not leave bruses, or harm a child for life....it does not prove in the least that a child is loved more or less....even abusive parents...if you work as a social worker, actually love their children...they just do not know how to parent...and that is, my friends, lack of education...
yes, it embarrasses the ego, but it also lets the child know, they were wrong...
IN some cases some of us are lucky and we don't need to spank, in other cases, our kids need a little more encouragement on the consequence side, but in no way are there any parents here who have abused their child in any way by spanking them.
People have to get a grip with reality here...and stop trying to control others...what we all have to do, is worry about making ourselves better people and dealing with issues, the best way we know how, within our own families and not depend on the government or other people to do our JOBS for us...
It is our job to raise our children...we grow and learn with our children and we also evolve, even though we're parents....
when you try and control others, to the extreme b/c others are going to the other end of the spectrum and abusing children, do you honestly think this is a solution to control their behavior....their behavior was probably passed down to them by their parents, and their parents before them...so, I suggest a longer term solution which take generations...but it is a start...concentrate on your own families....and do it the best way that you know how....lets try and convince society through formal education...that is the only way you change things, and if your kid is bad and being destructive of another person's personal space, lets be more concerned and show your children how to respect that. There is a time and place for everything and when your in public and in doors, that is a time to use your inside voice, remember, the person sitting next to you may not be feeling well, may have a headache or dealing with an extremely upsetting personal issue at the time...it's not just about you and your kids having a great time...it's about knowing when it's ok and when it's not and teaching your kids that...and stop depending on the government to do everything for you, or to do YOUR JOB.
If you know a kid is being abused, then it is up to YOU to do something about it and let the laws define what abuse is and is not. There is nothing wrong with spanking a kid in public...turning them around and giving them a wack on the behind...for throwing sand at another kid, or throwing sticks, or doing something that could harm themselves or others....sometimes kids are to immature to understand words and what they mean, and the more you explain to them, b/c they're attention span is limited you confuse them even more...a quick swat on the behind lets them know, that they did something wrong, and they won't do it again. Just like the ol finger over the candle flame when you were a kid, you get burnt once, you won't be to quick to do it again...
But that is my way of dealing with it....and my opinion, doesn't make me a bad human being or an abusive parent....and that is what everyone here has to understand....
what works for you, might not necessarily work for me, depending on the individuality of the person you are dealing with...some parents never spank and end up with really great kids...others spank and end up with really great kids...and visa versa...you cannot predict...plain and simple, we were all very lucky and we all did something right.
Greg W. what happened to you, is very sad, it is abuse, and yes torture and bad parenting in the highest violation of a child and the law....but, cannot be compared to, when a parent spanks, there is a big big difference...and I'd be willing to suggest, that your father and/or mother was treated the same way when they were children, and their grand parents and so on...and I'd strongly suggest you realize this was wrong and break the cycle...
but, it is not anywhere near what a spanking is....there is a great wide difference....
Raised three kids, all now adults. Never spanked at all, and they all have turned out to be great folks.
Never believed it was needed if credibility was established at an early age. Unlike many fellows in my generation, I didn't take the approach that I was my kids buddy, I was always an authority figure along with being there to assist them. My wife never spanked the kids either.
And no, I didn't do other terms of physical punishment either. Never needed to at all. But I don't think this is a government issue.
Should the government get involved in this to...this is insane and has now become a political issue???????
This amazes me...we were spanked as children and we're fine, we were not beat, but we knew there was a consequence for our actions...
I heard a man on the news comment, that spanking was an uneducated way to discipline...amazing...
I think not spanking is not only an uneducated way of discipline, but a parent who is avoiding discipline.
I am 59 years old and see way to many children today who do not fear a consequence for their actions...a couple down the street, raise they're 3 grand children...the parents were killed...two turned out fine...one, is in and out of prision, has already had 4 unwanted children...and has been in drug rehab uncountable times.
While pregnant with my son, I read a book which said, if you don't have control of your child by the time they are five, you never will. I spanked my son, 3 times in his life and I was spanked...and I'm glad my parents were strict and spanked me. Otherwise, I would have been a hand full.
Chrildren today, have no sense of discipline in public, they run around, yell and scream and have not an ounce of respect for the personal property and space of others b/c parents do not know how to parent.
You've got more kids on drugs and taking guns to school, b/c parents do not know how to parent. I was raised in a small town, all our families hunted...I would have never thought to even pick up a gun????? Let alone if I would have, I wouldn't have sat for a week...and I'm exhagerating, but, for God's sake what is wrong with people?????The irony in all of this is...fine, there are really disturbed people out there who want to make it against the law to spank children....yet...they refuse to do anything about all the sexual preditors that are out there? Makes no sense, and I find this the perfect example of our mentality today...we are not getting any smarter, matter of fact, we have regressed when it comes to common sense of parenting. Thanks
Spanking a kid does not teach a kid to behave. It teaches them to fear.
There are plenty of effective ways to teach a child discipline without instilling fear.
tell you what...we were going thru the grocery store, and my son, always acted out in the cart...he was a toddler....I told him, if he didn't stop, he was going to get a spanking...he didn't stop, and I said, what did I tell you...gianing his eye contact so he knew I meant business, and we kept going and he did it again...so the third time, I took him out of the cart, and spanked him on the butt once...and sat him back in the cart...yes, he cried, but I simply ignored him and he got over it. I had a parent come up to me and say, way to go....
So... That is not proof that spanking works. My kid has the same reaction by me telling her that she has to go to bed. All without spanking or hitting.
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Yanno, my biggest question is this....how did this get so far? I mean government passing a law to make it illegal?
I don't think it's the business of the gov't to tell parents what to do, but I still vehemently disagree with your ideology about hitting kids.
Hitting kids teaches kids that when you are frustrated, it's ok to hit. And then suddenly, when they are older, more mature and wiser, they are suddenly now supposed to use their other wits, to solve problems, not their hands. How do you teach those skills if you don't use them?
I learned that debating about this issue on this forum is a little useless. The majority is very mainstream in the parenting ideas. But I do like a lot of moms here anyway.
I'm just glad I found someone who thinks like me.
We are raising our kid with as much "positive discipline" as we can muster. And we did the whole attachment parenting thing when she was a baby.
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Rance got a paddling in school?? 
. If as a parent you have to consistently spank your child then there is something else obviously going on that is causing the child to misbehave, but that's another story altogether. 
Also, I wouldn't go so far as to agree that spanking caused them to become wayward youth - there's another underlying problem that has probably never been addressed.
What does hiding something from your parent(s) have to do with spanking, I'm a bit confused.
