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Don't care. I'd say if you are dating a younger woman or vice versa you may be more self conscious about it and notice those that make scowls but that doesn't prove "all" women notice or care. Or maybe some people like the idea of trying to make others jealous or showing off ,which is why they can't grasp that many people just don't care ��
Yes, my husband has witnessed many, many of these older women's scowls when we're out and about (I've seen some of them but I typically don't look at other people when we're out). I don't claim to know what they're unapproving of (we have a very large age gap between us, however it appears to be even greater because of the way we look--I looking quite younger than my age and he older. So it may appear to some to be nearing a 40 year difference than the 24 years it is).
Anyway, it could be a number of things. They may think I'm using him for money or that he left his older wife for me. If we could have a sign around us that reads something like, "We met while messaging on an non-dating Internet forum, first marriage for both of us, and I make at times like 10x as much as he does in a year. We are [38] and [62]," I'm sure not that many people would give us hard looks (except to read the sign). But then, there are stereotypes for a reason, so I just figure when people look at us in a mean way they're imagining the negative possibilities.
If you actually look around, many people's natural resting facial expression is a frown, scowl, usually known as RBF - resting b*tch face.
If you go out and aren't noticing the people around you, I'll bet you're not the only one. Most people are caught up in their own thoughts so I think it's safe to say all these scowling people you see aren't even thinking of you at all.
Yes, my husband has witnessed many, many of these older women's scowls when we're out and about (I've seen some of them but I typically don't look at other people when we're out). I don't claim to know what they're unapproving of (we have a very large age gap between us, however it appears to be even greater because of the way we look--I looking quite younger than my age and he older. So it may appear to some to be nearing a 40 year difference than the 24 years it is).
Anyway, it could be a number of things. They may think I'm using him for money or that he left his older wife for me. If we could have a sign around us that reads something like, "We met while messaging on an non-dating Internet forum, first marriage for both of us, and I make at times like 10x as much as he does in a year. We are [38] and [62]," I'm sure not that many people would give us hard looks (except to read the sign). But then, there are stereotypes for a reason, so I just figure when people look at us in a mean way they're imagining the negative possibilities.
So the husband is noticing it significantly and the wife doesn't but that's probably on her. They ARE all scowling, they must be.
And on the heels of this, long explanations as to why it "is" happening...although the poster herself hasn't actually seen it. She is just believing somebody who says he does.
Just like this thread.
I don't begrudge your thoughts though, Bas, I believe they are coming from a place of loving your husband and therefore backing his perceptions. I think that is beautiful, actually. But in a way this post illustrates exactly the phenomenon we are seeing on this thread.
Again, not knocking this poster's relationship which sounds very loving and supportive.
Another thing about "glares" assuming they are happening at some point. Could people be looking more intensely because they are wondering whether it is a romantic relationship or a parent/child? And there is just that split second of confusion? And women who are taught to be more social culturally will probably overall do this more than men. We may be about to smile, nod hello or whatever but our natural inclination to figure out structure will stop us short so then we just walk on by. I get this with my intellectually delayed son a lot, actually. I see people's faces freeze for a second when he starts taking because he speaks like a very young child and that stops people short for just a moment. They aren't judging, it was just unexpected.
I ask this because just the other day I was standing in line with a father and teen or early 20s daughter, she went to grab something I think? Anyway, I am comfortable with chatting with people I am stuck next to and I was JUST about to say "Your daughter is just lovely" as she was leaving, when I caught more of a "look" between them and he kind of squeezed her on the hip. I stopped myself short because suddenly I realized she might not be his daughter, LOL. So then rather than put my foot in my mouth I just kind of made myself busy rifling around in my purse. I didn't want to embarrass anybody and the moment for "hey, hasn't the weather been neutral lately?" SoCal small talk had kinda passed.
I hadn't thought about it at all afterward, just one of thse thoings, but reading this thread now I wonder, if the guy caught any of my embarrassment, he was thinking "Oh why do we always get these looks..."
Maybe he even posted here on CD! "OMG this woman at Stater Brothers pinched her lips together and LOOKED AWAY from is, couldn't get much more judgmental than that!" LOL!
As you know from my topic I am dating a younger woman, and got a lot of negative reactions, I have also gotten some in real life, though I have noticed a pattern with it being women around my age group; 40 and up mostly. I can only guess it's the same for on here. Does it really bother you? Surely there are plenty men in your age group so why the negativity?
My wife of almost 40 yrs. was 18 when I met her. She had dated my best friend, who was 36. Told me herself she hated the idea of dating younger men. I didn't know she was 18, she carried herself as a much more mature woman. So I lied, and told her I was 36 too. I was really 25. When it became time to tell her parents my 'age' she became concerned about their feelings over it, so I told her the truth. There is only 7 yrs. between us.
*And for those wondering, I did not 'steal' my best friend's girl. She had dated him a year prior, and they remained friends. I met her at that time, and Francesco was just fine with us dating.
I don't think age matters, I think it is the soul that lives inside that picks the person they want to be with. Some people have old souls. I actually thought my wife was much older, not by looks, but by carriage of herself.
To those men who are just seeking sex, that's an entirely different subject. I've had many male friends who cheated on their wives and were only looking for the next conquest. That goes back to my earlier remark...the soul of the person. Some guys just want sex, and a young body. Those are shallow people anyway. Girls, keep looking.
Last edited by TerraDown; 01-27-2018 at 11:00 AM..
My wife of almost 40 yrs. was 18 when I met her. She had dated my best friend, who was 36. Told me herself she hated the idea of dating younger men. I didn't know she was 18, she carried herself as a much more mature woman. So I lied, and told her I was 36 too. I was really 25. When it became time to tell her parents my 'age' she became concerned about their feelings over it, so I told her the truth. There is only 7 yrs. between us.
*And for those wondering, I did not 'steal' my best friend's girl. She had dated him a year prior, and they remained friends. I met her at that time, and Francesco was just fine with us dating.
Okay, but I doubt the parents would have been disapproving due to the mother's jealousy though, right?
That's what the OP is postulating, that women don't like such relationships and this is due to jealousy.
Your story isn't about that.
Now as to her hating dating younger men at only 18, well of course. What 18-year-old girl wants to go out with a 14-year-old boy?? Or 13 or something?
My husband is four years younger than I am. I GUARANTEE you that had we met when I was 18 I would not have been crushing that. Oh...bleh.
Okay, but I doubt the parents would have been disapproving due to the mother's jealousy though, right?
That's what the OP is postulating, that women don't like such relationships and this is due to jealousy.
Your story isn't about that.
Now as to her hating dating younger men at only 18, well of course. What 18-year-old girl wants to go out with a 14-year-old boy?? Or 13 or something?
My husband is four years younger than I am. I GUARANTEE you that had we met when I was 18 I would not have been crushing that. Oh...bleh.
Yes, I will agree. But 18 + 18 = 36. (and she was 17 when dating him, so technically 19 yr. difference) She was dating Franco, who was twice her age. Quite a spread there,
which made me 'up my own age' when the time came.
You got me on the jealousy thing. I was just trying to talk about how relationships might be different than they appear on the surface. And many men are horn dogs. I know, many of them are friends of mine. They can't help it, it's just they way their brains are wired I guess.
Last edited by TerraDown; 01-27-2018 at 11:36 AM..
As you know from my topic I am dating a younger woman, and got a lot of negative reactions, I have also gotten some in real life, though I have noticed a pattern with it being women around my age group; 40 and up mostly. I can only guess it's the same for on here. Does it really bother you? Surely there are plenty men in your age group so why the negativity?
I don't think it's a "jealousy" thing. I just know I wouldn't want my daughter dating a man whose my age or older....guess I'm just weird like that!
As you know from my topic I am dating a younger woman, and got a lot of negative reactions, I have also gotten some in real life, though I have noticed a pattern with it being women around my age group; 40 and up mostly. I can only guess it's the same for on here. Does it really bother you? Surely there are plenty men in your age group so why the negativity?
Don't mistake pity or disdain for envy. Showing up with a much younger significant other, especially when it's not real or the third one this year....starts to get the same respect one would get if they just started showing up to social gatherings with a call girl.
You're invited to a social function by the host, so there's a modicum of politeness needed, but if you've fooled an otherwise good host, expect true friends to come to the host's aide in making you feel unwelcome. Nobody wants to invest the time and energy in building a relationship with some sad pathetic arrangement. It's an unwelcome distraction.
You want that lady to be respected, you put a ring on it and work hard so others can see merits behind the relationship other than your ego toy. Your old enough to be in a stable relationship by now....go get one.
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"OMG this woman at Stater Brothers pinched her lips together and LOOKED AWAY from is, couldn't get much more judgmental than that!" LOL!
