Adult son and controlling girlfriend - what is there to do? (women, single)
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Are they holding the boy hostage? Is this a case of domestic violence? If not then it's not the gf that's the problem it's your son lady.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cha cha 200
I am going through the same thing. The mother actually found my son and introduced my son to her daughter. The situation is not as bad as yours but I am very concerned. They are acting like parents to him. I just wanted my son to be more independent. I am more worried for him instead of me because he is not being the independent man I envisioned he would be. He is relying on them for support and it doesn't seem healthy.
The girlfriend is older than my son and an only child. He is only 18 and already they are making major life decisions together.
It's a terrible, terrible shock when your beautiful children suddenly turn into grown ups.
Sometimes, they turn into grown ups you may not necessarily like, or who may not necessarily like you.
Usually you don't have to look very far for the arsehole gene, in my kid's case it's dear old dad. They are just like him.
Maybe yours is like an in law or someone way back in the family tree who wanted nothing to do with their own parents. Who knows?
Thing is, he'll be fine. If there's one thing young men are expert at, it's getting looked after.
If you love him let him go and all that crap.
Sometimes particularly in the teenage'/young adult years the kids these days are getting so damn uppity. Like you didn't buy me a jeep, you're a crap parent.
Puleaseeee. Enjoy the peace and quiet and leave him to run his own life.
Don't pay for a thing either, he cant have it both ways.
I've read a lot of posts on this forum, and after some thought I decided to post my problem.
My son has been with the same girl for six years (he's in his 20s). When they were first together, I thought she was great. She's quite smart, seems friendly enough, and is about to start her Master's degree.
The problem is, after they'd been together for about a year, she and her mother became insanely possessive of my son. For example, when they were still 17, they'd be at my house, and her mother would come and pick them up and take them to their house without letting me know. Their excuse would be that they just felt like going over there, but honestly, I felt that something fishy was going on there. I felt like they were sneaking around behind my back. This would happen ALL THE TIME. Why should they want to be over at her house all time and never at my son's home??
The girlfriend also got increasingly rude toward me. She didn't want me to have any time alone with my son. She was ALWAYS over. She would show up when I told her that my son was doing homework and couldn't leave, and she'd meet him outside and they'd go for a "walk" (gone for hours and hours).
Then, suddenly, on his 18th birthday, he COMPLETELY cut contact with me and my husband. Since then (five years ago), the only contact he has had with us is to demand that we give him money from an inheritance account that my mother left him for college. Yes, this is his money, but this is literally the only contact he has had with us. He lives right now with his girlfriend and her parents. We have shown up at their house several times and demanded to have contact with our son because we are just so worried about him. The girlfriend or her parents will answer the door and tell us that he isn't home, which we know is a lie.
Also, the girlfriend is convinced that we abused our son. She has called us child abusers several times. I don't know what lies my son told them, but we were very strict parents who always deeply loved our wonderful son. His wicked girlfriend's words hurt us so much because we care about our son so much. How dare she accuse us of anything.
We are just terrified of what will happen to our son. He is so deeply entrenched in this relationship. He believes everything they say and has abandoned the foundation of morals and ethics that we always made sure to enforce. I just don't know what to do.
Sorry this is so long and rambling, I'm just really upset. I don't know if I'm asking for advice or just venting.
Trapped and NO ONE to help us!
I am assuming this is where I reply-No reply button? Look... I am replying to your message because I have a circumstance similar. My child is older. There are girls out there who use everything to get a guy-everything! My son is in relationship with one woman, a married woman. SHE IS A CULT! She is very controlling to the point that she is doing it now just for kicks. She has toyed with his life with drugs and alcohol and by the Grace of God we have picked him up close to death five times this year. If we say anything to her we can lose what contact we have with our son. He finally made it to treatment and it took energy and hard work. BUT! Even now while he is in treatment she is lying and deceiving him into thinking that they actually have a relationship. She is playing with his life. There is NO justice. No one can help. My prayers to God have saved him for two years. My health is failing now. This one woman cult is evil , conniving, using sexual experiences, drugs, her husbands money, alcohol, to harm my son. It is against the law for me to harm her-and I have to pray for forgiveness for the loathing and hate I have for her. My son is blinded and I ask for prayers. Get your son! Get him while there is still time! His girlfriend is in a cult family. She has learned to control and manipulate your son to the point that she truend him against his own parents. This one woman cult has done the same thing to us! Have someone go in and get your son. Sedate him and immediately put him into a deprogramming setting--- long term. If you cannot--- let's you and I start our own deprogramming program against people who brain wash and take our children away. THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT! THI IS NOT YOUR HUSBANDS FAULT! I can tell you are good loving, caring strict parents who want everything for your son. You are in my prayers and so is your son... that he will wake up and see what this girl is doing.... as well as the desperate family.
I am assuming this is where I reply-No reply button? Look... I am replying to your message because I have a circumstance similar. My child is older. There are girls out there who use everything to get a guy-everything! My son is in relationship with one woman, a married woman. SHE IS A CULT! She is very controlling to the point that she is doing it now just for kicks. She has toyed with his life with drugs and alcohol and by the Grace of God we have picked him up close to death five times this year. If we say anything to her we can lose what contact we have with our son. He finally made it to treatment and it took energy and hard work. BUT! Even now while he is in treatment she is lying and deceiving him into thinking that they actually have a relationship. She is playing with his life. There is NO justice. No one can help. My prayers to God have saved him for two years. My health is failing now. This one woman cult is evil , conniving, using sexual experiences, drugs, her husbands money, alcohol, to harm my son. It is against the law for me to harm her-and I have to pray for forgiveness for the loathing and hate I have for her. My son is blinded and I ask for prayers. Get your son! Get him while there is still time! His girlfriend is in a cult family. She has learned to control and manipulate your son to the point that she turned him against his own parents. This one woman cult has done the same thing to us! Have someone go in and get your son. Sedate him and immediately put him into a deprogramming setting--- long term. If you cannot--- let's you and I start our own deprogramming program against people who brain wash and take our children away. THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT! THIS IS NOT YOUR HUSBANDS FAULT! I can tell you are good loving, caring strict parents who want everything for your son. You are in my prayers and so is your son... that he will wake up and see what this girl is doing.... as well as the desperate family.
I am assuming this is where I reply-No reply button? Look... I am replying to your message because I have a circumstance similar. My child is older. There are girls out there who use everything to get a guy-everything! My son is in relationship with one woman, a married woman. SHE IS A CULT! She is very controlling to the point that she is doing it now just for kicks. She has toyed with his life with drugs and alcohol and by the Grace of God we have picked him up close to death five times this year. If we say anything to her we can lose what contact we have with our son. He finally made it to treatment and it took energy and hard work. BUT! Even now while he is in treatment she is lying and deceiving him into thinking that they actually have a relationship. She is playing with his life. There is NO justice. No one can help. My prayers to God have saved him for two years. My health is failing now. This one woman cult is evil , conniving, using sexual experiences, drugs, her husbands money, alcohol, to harm my son. It is against the law for me to harm her-and I have to pray for forgiveness for the loathing and hate I have for her. My son is blinded and I ask for prayers. Get your son! Get him while there is still time! His girlfriend is in a cult family. She has learned to control and manipulate your son to the point that she turned him against his own parents. This one woman cult has done the same thing to us! Have someone go in and get your son. Sedate him and immediately put him into a deprogramming setting--- long term. If you cannot--- let's you and I start our own deprogramming program against people who brain wash and take our children away. THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT! THIS IS NOT YOUR HUSBANDS FAULT! I can tell you are good loving, caring strict parents who want everything for your son. You are in my prayers and so is your son... that he will wake up and see what this girl is doing.... as well as the desperate family.
So sorry to hear this... I know it is heartbreaking... my prayers are with you. I know so many people that have went through this. Girls seem to be so jealous of anyone including the boys family.
I've read a lot of posts on this forum, and after some thought I decided to post my problem.
My son has been with the same girl for six years (he's in his 20s). When they were first together, I thought she was great. She's quite smart, seems friendly enough, and is about to start her Master's degree.
The problem is, after they'd been together for about a year, she and her mother became insanely possessive of my son. For example, when they were still 17, they'd be at my house, and her mother would come and pick them up and take them to their house without letting me know. Their excuse would be that they just felt like going over there, but honestly, I felt that something fishy was going on there. I felt like they were sneaking around behind my back. This would happen ALL THE TIME. Why should they want to be over at her house all time and never at my son's home??
The girlfriend also got increasingly rude toward me. She didn't want me to have any time alone with my son. She was ALWAYS over. She would show up when I told her that my son was doing homework and couldn't leave, and she'd meet him outside and they'd go for a "walk" (gone for hours and hours).
Then, suddenly, on his 18th birthday, he COMPLETELY cut contact with me and my husband. Since then (five years ago), the only contact he has had with us is to demand that we give him money from an inheritance account that my mother left him for college. Yes, this is his money, but this is literally the only contact he has had with us. He lives right now with his girlfriend and her parents. We have shown up at their house several times and demanded to have contact with our son because we are just so worried about him. The girlfriend or her parents will answer the door and tell us that he isn't home, which we know is a lie.
Also, the girlfriend is convinced that we abused our son. She has called us child abusers several times. I don't know what lies my son told them, but we were very strict parents who always deeply loved our wonderful son. His wicked girlfriend's words hurt us so much because we care about our son so much. How dare she accuse us of anything.
We are just terrified of what will happen to our son. He is so deeply entrenched in this relationship. He believes everything they say and has abandoned the foundation of morals and ethics that we always made sure to enforce. I just don't know what to do.
Sorry this is so long and rambling, I'm just really upset. I don't know if I'm asking for advice or just venting. [/quote]
I've read a lot of posts on this forum, and after some thought I decided to post my problem.
My son has been with the same girl for six years (he's in his 20s). When they were first together, I thought she was great. She's quite smart, seems friendly enough, and is about to start her Master's degree.
The problem is, after they'd been together for about a year, she and her mother became insanely possessive of my son. For example, when they were still 17, they'd be at my house, and her mother would come and pick them up and take them to their house without letting me know. Their excuse would be that they just felt like going over there, but honestly, I felt that something fishy was going on there. I felt like they were sneaking around behind my back. This would happen ALL THE TIME. Why should they want to be over at her house all time and never at my son's home??
The girlfriend also got increasingly rude toward me. She didn't want me to have any time alone with my son. She was ALWAYS over. She would show up when I told her that my son was doing homework and couldn't leave, and she'd meet him outside and they'd go for a "walk" (gone for hours and hours).
Then, suddenly, on his 18th birthday, he COMPLETELY cut contact with me and my husband. Since then (five years ago), the only contact he has had with us is to demand that we give him money from an inheritance account that my mother left him for college. Yes, this is his money, but this is literally the only contact he has had with us. He lives right now with his girlfriend and her parents. We have shown up at their house several times and demanded to have contact with our son because we are just so worried about him. The girlfriend or her parents will answer the door and tell us that he isn't home, which we know is a lie.
Also, the girlfriend is convinced that we abused our son. She has called us child abusers several times. I don't know what lies my son told them, but we were very strict parents who always deeply loved our wonderful son. His wicked girlfriend's words hurt us so much because we care about our son so much. How dare she accuse us of anything.
We are just terrified of what will happen to our son. He is so deeply entrenched in this relationship. He believes everything they say and has abandoned the foundation of morals and ethics that we always made sure to enforce. I just don't know what to do.
Sorry this is so long and rambling, I'm just really upset. I don't know if I'm asking for advice or just venting.
Your sons a adult if he's foolish enough to stay committed in a relationship with a possessive woman its on him.
Adult son and controlling girlfriend - what is there to do? (boyfriend, girl)
I feel for you. This is terrible that her parents are also controling your son. If they were respectable people they would have made your son realize how nice his parents and if they were strict it wasnt to abuse you. They were being protective. No parenting is perfect and no one has the right to judge on anyone parenting. Everybody has different ways to bring thier kids up. Its their kid. Yes if the kid was physically abused on a daily basis that is a different scenario. so as far as 18 year old making right choices is wrong. He will refelct later in his years that he missed out on his parents. He may not express it.
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So sorry
