How long before she starts paying for dates? (Japanese, alcohol, experiences)
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I've been there, with the whole lavished with gifts thing and the wining and dining. My college sweetheart was loaded out the yin-yang, and I can't tell you the number of men I ran into back in the day who tossed out the whole, "I want to spoil you" thing. It wasn't owing to any great beauty on my part (I'm a 7 on a good day), or even youth, because it happened again after my divorce and I divorced in my late 30s, but more from living in an urban area where there are a lot of high-earners with nothing better to do with their money than spend it. Oh, and being thin, blonde, with a big chest tends to attract those types, too. And honestly? The paternalism behind it sucks
Like I said before. You have enjoyed men spending their paychecks on you, showering you with gifts, lavish lifestyle, wining/dining, buying you computers and tvs, romancing you, wooing you, etc. and you happily enjoy receiving it all and rarely ever buy a drink for him but when it comes to house chores “hell naw! I ain’t doing it all!” So you changed your views after a divorce? You said that you married a guy who you took care of, right? and now you are going for the total opposite when it comes to guys.
How about talking about it the same way women talk to their men about splitting house chores?
I could say the same about those who say the opposite. That is why I have to end the paragraph saying that it is not wrong/right or “Personally, I prefer…” just like all the women who prefer to just let the man take care of them. They have their preferences, you have yours, I have mine, and we all come here to share our views. Heck, I date American women too regardless.
So, what would make a woman feel less-of-a-woman if she let her man take care of something? Just curious.
How nice of you. This was more because you wanted to contribute to the relationship in another way, right? But how about something that has to do with being a woman. For example, if I see a woman/man that can barely carry something, I’ll quickly approach and take the other end of whatever that person is carrying or carry it all if I am capable. I would feel less of a man to see a woman with a heavy burden while I am walking by her side with my hands on my pocket. Not only that but the scene doesn’t look right (woman carrying something while the man is whistling with his hands inside his pockets). If you saw a scene like that, you would also feel something was not right. Would there be something comparable where a woman would look bad for letting a man do it when she was “the woman in the relationship”?
Exactly. Lots of women around here have expressed how wrong it is for them to do house chores while their guy doesn’t, yet, when it comes to dating, you won’t see them complaining that women rarely ever contribute to expenses, taking the initiative, romancing the guy, and so on.
Well, I do all the household chores such as laundry, cooking, cleaning, and I also take care of all of our finances. I'm better at it than he is. He does do all the handiwork - he's better at it than I am. However - I do far more around the house than he does. He's the main breadwinner - I'm the one that takes care of the baby for the most part. We don't usually fight about any of these things - except sometimes when he starts taking things for granted and won't even take his dishes to the sink. But then - he knows that I'm his wife and not the maid and he tries to at least take his dishes to the sink. But I fold his shirts the way he likes it, I try to cook the foods that he likes, I make him cookies that he likes, I buy him treats at the store, etc. I LIKE to take care of him. I don't like cleaning - I never have - but I do it because I'm better at it and I don't work as much as he does so I should do it. I love cooking - so I actually love cooking for him. This works for us. We are both happy and content. I don't need to make a list of how much each of us does to see if it balances out. Relationships aren't about making sure everything is completely equal - they are about making sure both people are completely happy.
I can't think of anything that would make me feel like less of a woman but I can think of things that make me feel like less of a mother - like when our son is crying and I get stressed out and my husband remains calm. Or if my husband calms down our son when I couldn't. Then I feel awful. Granted - usually our son only calms down for me - but the times when he doesn't - my heart breaks a little.
But here, you can have the last word because I need to get back to work. You know, to pay my rent, buy my food, and take care of myself?
Yup, a woman could do that for HERSELF but then again a man could take care of that for you.
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your cherry-picking is kind of sad and more than a bit ridiculous, even for you
Nope. I believe in things revolving around BOTH of us and I do agree with a common woman complain about men not doing house chores. Men expecting women to cook and clean up, I see it as comparable to women expecting men to open their wallets and take care of the romance. So no cherry-picking from me.
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If you don't want to pay for dates, don't. No one really cares except the women you date.
Depends where I am. If I am in the USA, I’ll pay for dates, that’s how it goes in the USA. When I date Asian girls, we both participate in all aspects of the date. I enjoy both but if I could pick, I would go for the latter. Like I keep saying, everybody does as they please and whatever works out with their partner. Women say they enjoy men doing it all for them, cool. Some of us enjoy having both, ourselves and the woman, do it all. And here we are voicing our opinions. Life goes on…
Yup, a woman could do that for HERSELF but then again a man could take care of that for you.
Nope. I believe in things revolving around BOTH of us and I do agree with a common woman complain about men not doing house chores. Men expecting women to cook and clean up, I see it as comparable to women expecting men to open their wallets and take care of the romance. So no cherry-picking from me.
Depends where I am. If I am in the USA, I’ll pay for dates, that’s how it goes in the USA. When I date Asian girls, we both participate in all aspects of the date. I enjoy both but if I could pick, I would go for the latter. Like I keep saying, everybody does as they please and whatever works out with their partner. Women say they enjoy men doing it all for them, cool. Some of us enjoy having both, ourselves and the woman, do it all. And here we are voicing our opinions. Life goes on…
The thing that annoys me is that it doesn't seem to matter to you if a woman comes on here and says that she likes to pay, initiate, etc. - you don't seem to accept it. You say you believe there are exceptions but you pretty much treat all the women on here like we are all gold diggers and it gets frustrating. And there is nothing that we can say to convince you otherwise. We tell you we've asked guys out before and it turns into 20 questions - and you are never satisfied. You say there are exceptions but I don't think that you believe that. I think you think all Western woman are one single gold digging entity. It's kind of frustrating.
Why do you date women in the USA? And where do you meet them, if I might ask?
We are both happy and content. I don't need to make a list of how much each of us does to see if it balances out. Relationships aren't about making sure everything is completely equal - they are about making sure both people are completely happy.
That’s right. Same reason why I keep saying it comes out natural and no need to even say “my turn…your turn”. Examples I have given many where nothing needs to be listed. They are just like that.
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I can't think of anything that would make me feel like less of a woman
That’s right. I am not sure if there is such a thing really comparable to a man feeling emasculated.
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but I can think of things that make me feel like less of a mother - like when our son is crying and I get stressed out and my husband remains calm. Or if my husband calms down our son when I couldn't. Then I feel awful.
Not a father but I can imagine it is somewhat comparable to when a relative’s child is crying and I stretch my arms to offer comfort but they run crying to my female relative instead of me while I stood there with my arms stretched hahaha! There’s something about the female charm I guess. Might be different when it comes to, say, going to the park where they rather go with uncle Onih to play cricket than with their auntie or something.
That’s right. I am not sure if there is such a thing really comparable to a man feeling emasculated.
I think that the way a woman feels like less of a woman probably has to do with other women as opposed to men. Like seeing someone who is more beautiful or feminine or someone who seems like a better wife or mother. I think that is probably the case - and not that there is nothing comparable but that it is just brought about by different circumstances.
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Not a father but I can imagine it is somewhat comparable to when a relative’s child is crying and I stretch my arms to offer comfort but they run crying to my female relative instead of me while I stood there with my arms stretched hahaha! There’s something about the female charm I guess. Might be different when it comes to, say, going to the park where they rather go with uncle Onih to play cricket than with their auntie or something.
Nope - not the same thing. Only a mother would understand what this feels like. I know what you are talking about because I've had my cousin's and friend's children turn to their parents instead of me for comfort and I feel a little bad. Being a mother and not being able to comfort your baby is one of the most helpless feelings in the entire world. I'm not saying this to be snotty or condescending or anything - but you really just can't understand this kind of feeling unless you are a mother.
The thing that annoys me is that it doesn't seem to matter to you if a woman comes on here and says that she likes to pay, initiate, etc. - you don't seem to accept it.
Really? I thought I have expressed how nice of them to do that.
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You say you believe there are exceptions but you pretty much treat all the women on here like we are all gold diggers and it gets frustrating.
Nope. Like I say, it doesn’t make it wrong/right, good/bad. Just a matter of preference. I try to remember saying that when these topics come out as I know there are sensitive people out there.
I repeat, women preferring to let men take care of the initiative, asking out, romancing, expenses, etc. is not right/wrong. I just happen to prefer these things to be mutual like the examples I have already shared from a simple date to vacations around the world.
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Why do you date women in the USA? And where do you meet them, if I might ask?
When I have been transferred to the USA or on vacation. Can be someone from the office, someone I have remained in contact since we met in college, someone I get introduced to, and so on. Just like anybody else I guess. These are all nice gals. Dating/going out is a bit different to what I am accustomed in Asia but nonetheless something we enjoy or we wouldn’t continue to go out when I visit.
Seriously besides my vagina paying for the date...If were dating, the guy should pick up the tab but I have no problem picking up the tab every once in a while. It's only fair besides the whole vagina thing. Now if we're living together, etc, then it comes out of the house account which we both put money into for situations like this, bills, purchases, etc. Then we both have our own account for things we want to purchase personally for ourselves.
Really? I thought I have expressed how nice of them to do that.
After your 20 questions - you act as if they are the only woman in America that has ever done that before and that you can't quite believe it! It's infuriating!
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When I have been transferred to the USA or on vacation. Can be someone from the office, someone I have remained in contact since we met in college, someone I get introduced to, and so on. Just like anybody else I guess. These are all nice gals. Dating/going out is a bit different to what I am accustomed in Asia but nonetheless something we enjoy or we wouldn’t continue to go out when I visit.
And not a single woman has ever picked up the check or offered to pay?
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So you changed your views after a divorce? You said that you married a guy who you took care of, right? and now you are going for the total opposite when it comes to guys.
