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Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wanderlust76
Occupation and degree is 2 of the main things women look at on OLD profiles, they have done surveys on all of this you realize. It stands to reason in certain areas people with a certain job and/or degree may do better based on just that alone.
I don't know about other sites anymore, but on OK Cupid there isn't any place to put either your degree, where you went to school, or what you do for a living.
Unless you address it in your narrative, and lots of people don't, they wouldn't know without asking.
I don't know about other sites anymore, but on OK Cupid there isn't any place to put either your degree, where you went to school, or what you do for a living.
Unless you address it in your narrative, and lots of people don't, they wouldn't know without asking.
One of the most prevalent phenomenons of this and every other dating related discussion board I have ever seen is the desire to have ANY reason for failure that points ANYWHERE but where it could do the most good. The lowest common denominator in any personal failure is the person who is failing. This fact MUST be discounted at all cost lest the fragile ego be damaged. Which is too bad because accepting this fact can lead to mental activities to change it whether it be redefining what success looks like, other personal improvements of character or whatever.
[ETA: I have never seen occupation or degree as a choice presented on an OLD site either.]
Last edited by somebodynew; 01-10-2017 at 10:33 AM..
One of the most prevalent phenomenons of this and every other dating related discussion board I have ever seen is the desire to have ANY reason for failure that points ANYWHERE but where it could do the most good. The lowest common denominator in any personal failure is the person who is failing. This fact MUST be discounted at all cost lest the fragile ego be damaged. Which is too bad because accepting this fact can lead to mental activities to change it whether it be redefining what success looks like, other personal improvements of character or whatever.
This is absolutely true for men who struggle socially. This truth is hard to see at times, though, because men who appear to be the most "successful" in dating and mating see women precisely as "a device to get". So it's complicated.
This wasn't my experience when interacting with and dating men in the mid-late 30s+ age group. I went out with very few men in my age group due to lack of compatibility in many areas -- this being one of them, their attitude toward dating and relationship dynamics. The majority were inexperienced, had no true concept of relationship compatibility, and viewed women as mere subjects they were entitled to or owed simply for existing, having a job and not being a "felon."
The older types were more mature, wiser, had a better understanding of relationship dynamics (in that they've had long term relationships and experience with what works/what doesn't -- trial and error, so to speak), etc. It was a very different experience all-around.
Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew
I am probably way older than most of the folks on this board. I have dated many men. Depending on what you mean by "successful", I have not known one man among my BF's (certainly not my husband), brothers, brothers-in-law, friends and colleagues who treated women as anything other than people that managed to have successful relationships.
Yep. The men I dated more seriously, or had true interest treated women as people, not objects or things to acquire to "get" a girlfriend or wife. Practically all of these men were older, more mature or had experience with long term relationships or marriage.
Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742
Yeah, that's not what I see. Quite the opposite. The ones that seem most successful treat women like regular people, closer to friends than assets.
+1.
Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew
This disconnect seems apparent for young people. "Successful" looks like having lots of sex. Young people are stupid (really inexperienced) and bravado can be mistaken by girls for confidence. So early on it looks like "players" are more "successful". Read: they get laid. Just like most "players" grow up and realize that that is not much fun and is eventually empty and meaningless, girls grow up and realize what confidence really looks like. When the desire to have a relationship happens, either players or people who came to idolize players either grow up themselves or get stuck in youthful stupidity.
I am probably way older than most of the folks on this board. I have dated many men. Depending on what you mean by "successful", I have not known one man among my BF's (certainly not my husband), brothers, brothers-in-law, friends and colleagues who treated women as anything other than people that managed to have successful relationships.
That's why I put successful in quotes and qualified it with "appears". Men who treat women as devices to get tend to get noticed, and not just by the women they pursue, while men like those you know don't draw so much attention. To a young man who is a bit awkward or for whatever reason hasn't been able to form a romantic connection, the sort of folk lore around charming, manipulative men is alluring. I don't for a second believe that surface charm and deceit lead to a good relationship, but those traits do lead somewhere, and in the absence of equally compelling narratives about men who treat women well I think it's understandable that men look at something that's right before their eyes and which seems to work in a twisted sort of way. It's not the right thing to do, and when they attempt it (the inexperienced for a reason men) it tends to fall quite flat, but that just gives them one more reason to lose hope. And so it goes.
That's why I put successful in quotes and qualified it with "appears". Men who treat women as devices to get tend to get noticed, and not just by the women they pursue, while men like those you know don't draw so much attention. To a young man who is a bit awkward or for whatever reason hasn't been able to form a romantic connection, the sort of folk lore around charming, manipulative men is alluring. I don't for a second believe that surface charm and deceit lead to a good relationship, but those traits do lead somewhere, and in the absence of equally compelling narratives
Where are these people getting their "narratives"?? That is what I never understood. Do we have a whole generation and more of men, or really people since dating woes are not limited to men, who have no role models of healthy relationships?
Another thing to consider about the maturing process is to abandon narratives from our youth that do not work for us, whether they came from our parents, our schooling or our religion. When we can examine the world and ourselves and write our own narrative, we co-develop character, self esteem and success in all our ventures.
Woa. I did not get the memo on what degree is trendy these days. I must be missing out. Can someone please tell me the trending degree so I may date properly? I am in the North East of the US btw. Thanks.
STEM degrees are trendy and [evil] wimminz think it's so hot. Hypergamy!!!!
Actually, the vast majority of the men I dated seriously had a STEM or education background. Two of the men I dated with a STEM background do not possess a degree in said background. They are self-taught. The other was/is an educator and self-taught programmer and software developer. He was unemployed living off savings and trying to get a tech/educational apps business started.
In my experience, the traits, qualities, interests, etc., I looked for were often found in men who were either involved in STEM or education/academia.
What was I thinking marrying a man who dropped out of his engineering program to later get an AA in liberal arts and take up training and teaching a martial arts as his profession!?
I didn't realize that memo was some sort of dictate for us money-hungry women folk.
Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742
I have never, ever been asked pre date, or in a first date, what degree I have that I can recall. They may ask what I do, but not what my degree is.
I thought discussing educational backgrounds and interests was really interesting and it gave me some sense of compatibility in this area. There are those "liberal arts and social sciences are useless degrees" folks that I wanted to avoid. I definitely screen possible matches by talking about education and other important interests, also because I have an interest in these fields or areas of study. My husband and I still have regular talks about STEM-related things. They're common interests.
I don't recall ever asking what a date did for work since it was either listed in their profile or brought up in conversation.
Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew
Far be it from me to argue with men who are not getting dates what we women who do go on dates prefer!
STEM degrees are trendy and [evil] wimminz think it's so hot. Hypergamy!!!!
LOL!
Quote:
Actually, the vast majority of the men I dated seriously had a STEM or education background. Two of the men I dated with a STEM background do not possess a degree in said background. They are self-taught. The other was/is an educator and self-taught programmer and software developer. He was unemployed living off savings and trying to get a tech/educational apps business started.
I am a STEM professional myself though do not have that educational background. As such I have a lot in common with technical people. Still my most recent dates include (but are not limited to) an ob/gyn, a sculptor, a carpenter, a teacher. Go figure.
Quote:
In my experience, the traits, qualities, interests, etc., I looked for were often found in men who were either involved in STEM or education/academia.
What was I thinking marrying a man who dropped out of his engineering program to later get an AA in liberal arts and take up training and teaching a martial arts as his profession!?
I didn't realize that memo was some sort of dictate for us money-hungry women folk.
I know. My bank account hurts so badly when there is not some man making deposits. Not.
Quote:
I thought discussing educational backgrounds and interests was really interesting and it gave me some sense of compatibility in this area. There are those "liberal arts and social sciences are useless degrees" folks that I wanted to avoid.
That's funny. I have a useless liberal arts degree. I love conversations about CURRENT interests more than degrees (unless the degree is a current interest!) since for many my age degrees were obtained a long time ago and bear little resemblance to the interests of today.
Quote:
I definitely screen possible matches by talking about education and other important interests, also because I have an interest in these fields or areas of study.
I would rather hear about what they think of things than what they studied. You can get a good insight into whether or not the person is educated and intelligent without a transcript, in my view. Besides that conversation is more fun.
STEM degrees are trendy and [evil] wimminz think it's so hot. Hypergamy!!!!
Actually, the vast majority of the men I dated seriously had a STEM or education background. Two of the men I dated with a STEM background do not possess a degree in said background. They are self-taught. The other was/is an educator and self-taught programmer and software developer. He was unemployed living off savings and trying to get a tech/educational apps business started.
In my experience, the traits, qualities, interests, etc., I looked for were often found in men who were either involved in STEM or education/academia.
What was I thinking marrying a man who dropped out of his engineering program to later get an AA in liberal arts and take up training and teaching a martial arts as his profession!?
I didn't realize that memo was some sort of dictate for us money-hungry women folk.
I thought discussing educational backgrounds and interests was really interesting and it gave me some sense of compatibility in this area. There are those "liberal arts and social sciences are useless degrees" folks that I wanted to avoid. I definitely screen possible matches by talking about education and other important interests, also because I have an interest in these fields or areas of study. My husband and I still have regular talks about STEM-related things. They're common interests.
I don't recall ever asking what a date did for work since it was either listed in their profile or brought up in conversation.
*snort*
I'm pretty sure you're one of the exact people I'm talking about so it's nice to know when I hit a nerve . If I remember right I got into this with you on one of the degree threads and you go absolutely bonkers over the degree subject. Yes women on OLD can be extremely shallow when it comes to occupation and degree level / degree type. It's just another thing men need to know in that women they meet in RL will be much more normal on average. We're talking about OLD which is different.
I am technically in STEM too but I don't want a woman choosing me based on that just because of some stupid stereotype or hipster, or yuppie trend.
Blah blah blah men in STEM are this and that, and usually yadda yadda yadda.
That seriously makes me want to throw up every time I hear it.
Last edited by wanderlust76; 01-10-2017 at 01:52 PM..
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