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Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Khoshgel
The whole ''women are extremely selective and picky'' is just an excuse many men will use to tell themselves that it's a waste of time to work on themselves, if they are overweight/obese, because they want to protect their egos.
We are selective & picky & so are men. We all should be.......but you are making it all about looks & there's a lot more than just looks to being picky in online dating. It's not just working on your body....it's working on your *SELF* IMO.
Ita it's an excuse tho.....when people feel rejected, they like to blame online dating or the opposite sex. The women say all men online are psychopaths or they just want one thing....& that's totally silly. The men say we are all conceited & only want money or looks.....& that's silly too. IMO.......it's a way to hide their own feelings of insecurity & rejection so they make it totally about the other person or gender....or online dating.... instead of themselves. It's super weird to see........BUT it happens LOTS..............
O.P.......IMO your online dating success only depends on Y O U.
Women start being considered to betall when they're 5'9''+
There are more Countries in the world than just the 3 we find presently in the North American Continent.
there are even Californian men living in Europe as we speak, being born and raised in the United States of America doesn't mean you have to spend your entire life there
Nope, you're wrong. Average woman height is way lower. Like 5'4", 5'5
I think you're well intentioned and your advice is generally good, but some of your perceptions may be off. I don't know of any place where men are typically 6 ft tall and 10% body fat. About 1 % of men have a body fat that low. Maybe fewer. I also don't know of a place where average women are 3-8 inches taller than average women, and while half a foot taller than average, around 30 lbs lighter than average. So average means something, and something different from what you seem to think it means.
There's a Country in Europe called the Netherlands.
The average height for men who are in their 30s is 6 feet tall.
Average height for women is 5'7''.
You see a lot of younger men in The Netherlands in their late teens who are 6'2'' and above, and there's plenty of women that height as well, or close to it.
Officially, the average height for Spanish women, Italian women, Portuguese women etc is 5'4'' but in the cities, where there's an abundance of physically attractive women and the average woman is hot, because that's where the jobs are at, the majority of the women are 5'7'' to 5'9'' barefoot.
My last girlfriend was 6'6'' barefoot. And she had no problem dating me, a guy who is only 6 feet tall. And she approached me first. Most women don't care about a man's height to begin with. As long as he's not like 5 feet tall.
The average man in Germany(another European Country, it was the main instigator of World War I and World War II) is 5'11''. Denmark, about 5'11'' to 6 feet tall for the younger generation.
Quote:
I don't know of any place where men are typically 6 ft tall and 10% body fat. About 1 % of men have a body fat that low.
Take a trip to Europe. Visit Barcelona. Lisbon. Germany. Brussels. Rome. Paris. Berlin. Lots of other places. Most of the men walking around are around 10% body fat at the height and they've never seen the outside of a gym, let alone the inside of a gym.
They don't work manual jobs and they don't have a home gym.
And yes, overweightness and obesity does exist in mainland Europe, but not nearly as much as we have in the states, Canada, and Mexico.
For example, the obesity % in Belgium is at 20%.
Belgium has nearly 12 million citizens. That still leaves many millions of healthy, aesthetically attractive people for you to meet and date.
How do these men and women achieve a body weight and body fat % that gets them to be considered physically attractive to a vast majority of men and women?
How am I 180lbs at 10% body fat without doing any physical exercise other than talking a 10 minute walk around the block every 3 days? And lately I haven't been able to, for the past 3 months and I'm still the same body weight and body fat percentage?
I don't eat fast food. That means no Pizza. No hotdogs. No burgers. No doritos. No candy. No soda. No macarroni and cheese. No peanut butter. No icecreams. No chocolate.
I eat salads. Fruit. Vegetables. Rice. Sphagetti. Lots of olive oil. Mashed potatoes. Tuna. Chicken. Salmon. Brocolli. Lots of homemade soup.
That's it. It's extremely easy for a man to be physically attractive to a majority of physically attractive young women. You can't change your height sure, but I met plenty of Spanish men(average height in Spain is 5'7'' for men) who dated conventionally attractive German women who were tall themselves, had one-night stands with these guys yayadayada.
The only man who is physically unattractive is physically unattractive because he wants to be.
I have never met a man in Europe who was sexually frustrated. I have never met a man who believed women are so picky that you need to be a 25 year old 6'6'' Brad Pitt just to get any attention from any woman, but I have met many men in America who were very sexually frustrated.
And why?
Because attractive women - which is the only kind of women guys want as there's plenty of overweight/obese women who'd date them - don't have high standards in men. But they have SOME standards, and the number 1 expectation they have in men is that the are healthy and take care of themselves.
And does the average man in Canada, Mexico, and the United States take care of himself?
Quote:
Nope, you're wrong. Average woman height is way lower. Like 5'4", 5'5
I can't make this any more clear. I'm a man born and raised in the state of California. I moved out of the States at the age of 18 and I spent the next decade and more living in South America, Africa, Europe, Australia, and in the Middle-East.
Considering the fact that I've lived in more Countries than there are states, and I've met many, many different cultures, I'd say that I am more qualified when it comes to making comments about male and female beauty, height, and the standards attractive women have in men.
Which frankly, are pretty low and it was one of the things that amazed me the most when I landed in South America and Europe for the very first time, and even back home in Santa Monica beach which is loaded with super hot women - the standards hot women had for men were very low.
But I get it, it's easier to complain about women and their ''impossibly high standards just for one date'' than it is to buckle up, head to the gym if the guy's obese/overweight, and make something out of himself that hot women want to date.
Life is short. You guys don't want to be 40 and to be miserable because the opportunity to sleep with an attractive 20 year old woman is no longer there. So work on yourself, and things will become better for you. Your tinder matches will go from 0 to 1 a week, to a 100 a month, and more.
I can't make this any more clear. I'm a man born and raised in the state of California. I moved out of the States at the age of 18 and I spent the next decade and more living in South America, Africa, Europe, Australia, and in the Middle-East.
Considering the fact that I've lived in more Countries than there are states, and I've met many, many different cultures, I'd say that I am more qualified when it comes to making comments about male and female beauty, height, and the standards attractive women have in men.
LOL you're qualified to share your opinion, just like the rest of us.
Life is short. You guys don't want to be 40 and to be miserable because the opportunity to sleep with an attractive 20 year old woman is no longer there. So work on yourself, and things will become better for you. Your tinder matches will go from 0 to 1 a week, to a 100 a month, and more.
Why would anyone want 100 tinder matches per month?
Yes, most women are extremely selective, as often they have a lot to offer.......the may reason is that MOST men do nothing to look ATTRACTIVE, and first impressions, in a photograph or in person are extremely important. It deciphers whether he is going to get a date or not.
Take for example the new trend with haircuts, tattoos, and hair on the face: I love a man with a nice haircut, even a ponytail, I dislike with intensity Tattoos, and love a nice-short beard with a mustache or without it. I love a man to be 5"8 or over, in shape, and I do not mean MUSCLES, only a well- define body via exercise. I love the AROMA of a man that has chosen it well.....not bathe in it.....I love sweaters on a man, and if he uses a shirt, I like it tucked in........
Truthfully, most men need to examine their looks, and do something about how they look, first, if they want women to date them. Take for example: Vice-President Mike Pence......an older man that any woman, even a 21 year-old, will date. In shape, clean looks, sophisticate, poised, and very desirable.......to most women.......
It does not take too much for any man to be in-shape, and clean-cut........any woman will respond to this two issues......
Well said. I've always thought this was a given. I've always cared about my looks and made an effort. But even with all that, it's not a given that women will be interested (or maybe they will be, but not overtly give an indication). Mike Pence, huh? Who'd have thought? But you're right now that I think about it. He does keep himself in shape it appears.
Well said. I've always thought this was a given. I've always cared about my looks and made an effort. But even with all that, it's not a given that women will be interested (or maybe they will be, but not overtly give an indication). Mike Pence, huh? Who'd have thought? But you're right now that I think about it. He does keep himself in shape it appears.
LOL! Well to each their own I guess. I'm not a woman, so didn't make a lot of sense to me either. I would have thought she would name an older actor or something.
LOL! Well to each their own I guess. I'm not a woman, so didn't make a lot of sense to me either. I would have thought she would name an older actor or something.
And NO to Mike Pence for the same reason that it would be YES to those two. Character, and how it comes across in the way they express themselves.
Mike Pence creeps me the heck out. *shudder* He should be playing villain roles in movies. And not "I secretly have a crush on Snape" type villains either. The kind that make your skin crawl.
Sam Elliot and Jeff Goldblum are both such delightful characters. You just know that spending time around them would be marvelous.
Quote:
Originally Posted by homina12
I don't think your choices contributed anything to his impulse to stalk you. That's on him.
I agree with this, and moongirl, I wasn't really talking about stalkers and creeps, more the tons and TONS of guys I've met, that there wasn't anything wrong with them, they just weren't my type.
I mean, let's assume for one second that for guys, looks are all-important. (I know but just to simplify the point, bear with.) Just because a woman is not your type, and you just don't feel attraction for her, does that mean you've decided she's ugly, disgusting, and unworthy of love? Have you judged her as an inferior form of life? Do you want to see her in pain so you can laugh at her? Do you in fact have any impulse to cruelty toward her for failing to spark your desire...or do you simply...not want to date her?
As a woman, I feel like I've been hearing non-stop how mean and cruel and awful women are, when we deny any man whatever he wants. I mean it started shaping my thinking in high school, overhearing on the bus what the boys would say about the girls who "teased" them, turned them down, and so on. Ultimately, they got an answer, a NO answer, that they didn't want to hear, and they were salty about it.
They felt hurt and rejected, which is understandable. And they simultaneously aimed judgment at themselves and at women. I've felt that impulse after being rejected...the main difference being that I got over it, and moved on, and just kept trying... But another huge difference being that it never took me all that long to find others who were into me. I can easily imagine going through life facing a lot more rejection than I ever have, and how that might shape a human being's thinking.
I understand that with guys...normal guys, again, not talking about psychos and stalkers...that hurts. Makes you feel like you're unworthy, unlovable, that you've been judged and found lacking. That maybe you'll never find what you're looking for. Maybe it is easier to bear, if one assuages one's ego by saying it's not their fault they didn't win the genetic lottery, or that women just have unrealistic expectations. Unfortunately, that attitude creates a vicious circle that makes the person in question even MORE undesirable. No one wants to sit there listening to non-stop bitterness and despondency.
It sucks.
And I have genuine sympathy for hurting people who hurt.
Of course it isn't any woman's obligation to hand over her life, love, sex, whatever, to save a guy from this. But that does not change the fact that some people are suffering and it sucks. I don't like to see another human being in pain, I just don't. And a lot of the men I've had to find a way to say no to...really were good, decent, perfectly lovable human beings. The best I could hope for, and it did happen many of those times, was that they would meet another woman who actually was a great match for them, and find their happily ever after.
It has been very rare for a guy to aim abuse, stalking, or really bad behavior at me after a rejection. So I don't really carry much fear about that. My fiance tells me he was braced to hear me say, "You're a great guy and one day you are going to find the woman of your dreams, you deserve all the happiness in the world, but it's just not working out, can we just be friends?" LOL instead I was like, "Hey. You wanna have sex, or...what?" But he'd heard the first thing over and over. It had come to sound trite and insincere to him. Again...I just don't know how to give someone a result they don't want, in a kind enough way that it won't hurt them. I wish I did.
Funny little side note, one of the women that he got that line from ages ago, he DID end up being "just friends" with for many years. They went to conventions together, she visited his family with him...they just weren't romantic partners. She had relationships (including a marriage) come and go over the years. When we got together, my fiance was excited to tell his friend, he thought we would get along great, looked forward to introducing us. I was totally down, she sounded cool. But after he talked to her about me a bit, he got an angry email one day from her, terminating their friendship. She actually believed that he would always be out there, single, waiting for her to be able to be with him, and that they had a future together as a couple! She just assumed that he'd never find anyone else, and one day he'd realize it and ask her to be with him. Freaking...wow, unbelievable.
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Ita it's an excuse tho.....when people feel rejected, they like to blame online dating or the opposite sex. The women say all men online are psychopaths or they just want one thing....& that's totally silly. The men say we are all conceited & only want money or looks.....& that's silly too. IMO.......it's a way to hide their own feelings of insecurity & rejection so they make it totally about the other person or gender....or online dating.... instead of themselves. It's super weird to see........BUT it happens LOTS..............
