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I just wanted to say that I identify with much of your post. Yes it's hard to find a quality partner, yes people stay in relationships, drag them out, string others along, and yes, they often leave only to date someone beneath your quality.
This is a blessing...If your former boyfriends complimented you, saw your great qualities, and dumped you for lesser women anyway, it's because they saw they saw they couldn't play on your level. Many times strong and independent women are very attractive to men, but men who are not comfortable with this ultimately will seek someone they can control (look at all the examples of dysfunctional relationship qualities you site that your former boyfriends have resorted to). If you are not a controlling woman and have a good balance of softness and spunk, then more than likely you are weeding out guys who would ultimately be your downfall.
I like to think of it this way: I'd rather be in a good relationship than a bad relationship, but I'd rather be in no relationship at all than a bad one.
Hang in there. There's nothing wrong with solo trips, cruises, heck I do it all the time. I don't wait around for people to ask me to do things. I buy a plane ticket and do them on my own. Yes, there is a certain peace in not dealing with someone else's drama and yes, there is a certain peace in being with someone who compliments you. I hate to get all Dr. Phil on ya, but I do believe in his quote that "at any one time you are either contributing to or contaminating a relationship." You don't need the contaminating part.
I've traveled a great deal by myself and have met some of the most wonderful people...and in my travels, I've learned to love my own company, actually, creave the serenity and peace. No one needs the contaminating part...it's debilitating, stagnates one's growth...and seperates you from your real purpose...to live and enjoy life.
I think people who are single get the time to really know themselves, their likes and dislikes, wants and needs, and will be better in future relationships. Many people who jump from relationship to relationship never get to know themselves and end up adapting to each person they are in a relationship with.
I am single, sometimes i like it, other times i don't. All in all, I think that I am better off right now without but do have dreams in the future of one day meeting my future husband.
I also think that the grass is always greener on the other side. Those who are married, miss their free time, the single life, and being able to do what they want when they want. Those who are single want coompanionship, want someone to share their life and feelings with. Just enjoy the journey of life. That way you appreciate all stages of relationships, from like to love, from acquaintance to significant other.
I love being single now that I perceive the world differently. From my experiences 6 out of 10 people in the world are toxic. So I see it positively that I'm missing out on all the trouble and misery that a toxic person will put me through, while everybody else is too naive to know any better.
If I had it my way I'd be in a healthy relationship with a good guy but that isn't realistic at all because too many people are toxic, dysfunctional, stupid, or don't know what they want...it's dumb but so true. Don't get me started on gay people, most of the ones I've met are emotionally stunted and behave like spoiled and catty brats with no goals.
So I'm happy being single and alone, doing what I want, when I want, and not having to put up with losers or weirdos.
Quote:
Originally Posted by BlueLuce
I think people who are single get the time to really know themselves, their likes and dislikes, wants and needs, and will be better in future relationships. Many people who jump from relationship to relationship never get to know themselves and end up adapting to each person they are in a relationship with.
I am single, sometimes i like it, other times i don't. All in all, I think that I am better off right now without but do have dreams in the future of one day meeting my future husband.
I also think that the grass is always greener on the other side. Those who are married, miss their free time, the single life, and being able to do what they want when they want. Those who are single want coompanionship, want someone to share their life and feelings with. Just enjoy the journey of life. That way you appreciate all stages of relationships, from like to love, from acquaintance to significant other.
I'm single and hate it. I'm 23 and have never had a boyfriend. I feel so defective and abnormal. Sometimes I feel so depressed about this I just want to kill myself. I'm not very attractive and I'm black, but I'm very nice and kind. I'm not eye candy but I do have a good heart.
It has nothing to do with you. I'm a very attractive guy and have a kind heart; however, if you read my post I mentioned that about 6 out of 10 people are toxic. Most people are just too selfish and uncaring to be in relationships or even date. It just is a fact of life. Don't feel bad.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lifeisbutadream
I'm single and hate it. I'm 23 and have never had a boyfriend. I feel so defective and abnormal. Sometimes I feel so depressed about this I just want to kill myself. I'm not very attractive and I'm black, but I'm very nice and kind. I'm not eye candy but I do have a good heart.
I'm single and hate it. I'm 23 and have never had a boyfriend. I feel so defective and abnormal. Sometimes I feel so depressed about this I just want to kill myself. I'm not very attractive and I'm black, but I'm very nice and kind. I'm not eye candy but I do have a good heart.
Hang in there, things have a way of working themselves out in life. You'll meet someone because there is someone for everyone. Honestly I'm a lot older than you and I know this to be true.
Keep doing things to move yourself forward in life, school, volunteer anything that prevents you from stagnating.
artsyguy you are so right! I'm a gay man and in my mid 30's now. Been single for almost 2 years now after being in a few long-term relationships since I was 21. I really enjoy being single but at times would like to have the companionship again that being in a relationship provides. However most of the guys I have been meeting are not interested in a long-term relationship, or as you said are "toxic" or just have too many issues. I have never been one to settle, so I am trying to be OK with the fact that I may be single for a very long time. I am very fortunate to have a few very close friends who are always there for me and vice versa, so that in itself is a blessing.
Frootloop6-Your post speaks volumes. I have a cousin who is 42 and never been married. At this age, it's like, (and excuse me for quoting grim stats) I wonder if she will ever get married at all? Now she's been engaged twice, one of those times a wedding date was set for August 1995, but she broke it off. I wonder if she looks back on those days and wished she had taken the plunge? I guess I would have. I have always believed that if you get married and it doesn't work out, it's prefereable to never getting married at all. Don't ask me where I got that idea from; I don't know. I guess its the idea that the person who has been married before has at least "been taken off the shelf". You might find that to be erroneous and that's fine if you do. All I can say is my cousin probably wishes she'd gotten married back in 1995. Anyway, there's a real good book out called "You Can't Hurry Love" It's kind of old-copyright 1990-something. It's about real life stories of people that got married after the age of 40 and it;s very inspiring. So there's hope for everybody. See if you can find it on amazon. Good luck to you.
I'm single right now after getting out of a relationship of 2 and a half years that lasted for most of my high school life. I hate being single, and I prefer having a female companion. I was never a partier and usually stray away from girls that like one night stands. I can honestly say I am happier in a relationship.
I love being single now that I perceive the world differently. From my experiences 6 out of 10 people in the world are toxic. So I see it positively that I'm missing out on all the trouble and misery that a toxic person will put me through, while everybody else is too naive to know any better.
If I had it my way I'd be in a healthy relationship with a good guy but that isn't realistic at all because too many people are toxic, dysfunctional, stupid, or don't know what they want...it's dumb but so true. Don't get me started on gay people, most of the ones I've met are emotionally stunted and behave like spoiled and catty brats with no goals.
So I'm happy being single and alone, doing what I want, when I want, and not having to put up with losers or weirdos.
Being single is a great experience. I do want to have a man, but I don't need to have him around me all the time. I am very indpendent an enjoy my time alone. I read and write also and I need time to do this without answering to some whiny man who wants to be with me 24/7. I take myself out on dates if I want and I can use my own money, I eat and sleep when I want too and I am free.!
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