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I know a man that was offered 50/50 custody or the mother gets full custody and he had every reason under the sun as to why he couldn't take his son part time, let alone full time. So he had no problem then giving her full custody....Men love to carry on about 'visitation' and 'not getting full custody' as if overall, they are really into getting those things in the first place & just dying because they don't get it. LOL. Who do they think they are fooling with that? Sure, they really want full custody of the child, yea right.
I asked for and got sole physical custody of my children when I divorced my first wife.
I know offhand of three Dads who have gone out of their way to live near and visit their children and are attentive and present for them as much as possible, and adore their children.
I also know of fathers who are beaten down and give up because the scorched-earth policies of their ex are such that they feel there is no point; they will always be demonized to their children, even if they walk on water. They have become The Enemy.
What a lot of women don't understand about men is that they are capable of rising to the occasion but they need a respectful partner to facilitate that. One of the reasons I admire my wife is that she shared custody 50/50 with a man she asked for a divorce from, even though it was far less comfortable for her as a mother. And that man has been a good father to those kids, has consistently stepped up to the plate and supported them. She feels, and I agree, that guys often get the very short end of the stick in divorce. She was determined to act honorably and not use her children as pawns in some sort of psychological warfare. This is one of the ways in which she showed herself to me to be a person of great quality.
Those stories sometimes make me lose hope. Though I'm not interested in kids, I still one day want a true, sincere proposal...not one where I had to nag to get it (childfree marriage is what I'm looking for). I don't like begging to get something but I wouldn't like waiting endless years either.
i think the best move for either men or women is to simply spend your time and effort learning what the opposite sex likes, instead of worrying whether or not they'll meet your standards.
i'm of the opinion that men want to get married to someone they can get along with, mainly. i also don't think it's common for men to want to be married, but not have children. I could be wrong but that seems like a female preference.
What expectations are you talking about on the woman's side that have increased? That if she is realistic she'll work full time, and take care of household duties and child raising with little help from her husband? What are the modest wishes of men are you talking about? Are you married? Do you spend time with average married folk or are you parroting the manosphere?
I sound like a fool (and I am, obviously). Here it goes. The last ltr I had the woman was obsessed with 50:50 and she didn't work (as much as I did and then she didn't work at all). My former wife was a full time student (I paid for) and she was too a 50:50 girl. So I put my usual 70+ hrs per week, get home, give her money & groceries, there is no food for me obviously, I do cook my food, do my laundry and take care of other things (women used to do). What do I get? She literally follows me, neat-picking, repeating that she's not my maid, it's 50:50 world, and I should clean the mess. Then I need to leave asap, she finds some plate (Not washed to her high standards) and she insists that I wash the plate before I leave. I'm boiling and I have no time to blow up and I tell her to put it in my bag. Then her mother stepped in (a great champion of woman' rights herself) and told her not to be ridiculous and washed the plate. The 50:50? girl didn't think twice about making me mad right before I leave for work that kept her fed and housed, I could have gotten in a ditch or something, that possibility was not a part of 50:50 equation. Again, I don't speak highly of myself, if women like my last girlfriend manage to find men (any men), (some) men must be truly pathetic.
So what simple things men want? First and foremost, a woman who cares about her men more than about 50:50 or whatever arbitrary recipe of "happiness" and fulfillment she picked in woman' magazine. It's hard to describe verbally the concept of "care" but we all know what it is and we sense acutely whether or not somebody cares about us. My mother' generation was the last generation of women (I believe) that understood that there are greater things to guide one' actions than sensation of "love" burning in different places. Most of older women (now in their 70s and 80s) understood that loyalty, duty and simple human decency should override that whimsical feeling each and every time, if you are married or not. I don't believe that modern women on the path of self-fulfillment, self-assertion and self-discovery understand or accept those ethical constraints. So how simple are those simple wishes?
And there you have it by the men in the past few posts who told you just a taste of the so many horror stories I've heard from men over the years.
Of course this doesn't mean all women, but the other percentage of women that already have contempt for men (and believe me this exists) use them and spit them out which makes it bad for the smaller percentage of good women looking for a man to which these otherwise potential available men see and hear what's happened to other men who got involved with a woman (most of them not deservedly so) that have been put through the meat grinder by the law.
So when a good available man (doesn't mean he's wealthy in $$ or in other material assets) knows all of this what reason does this man want to "take a chance" which many women say? Men already see that their word on the most part means "squat".
maybe it's off topic, but i think you'll find that the definitions of these words -- particularly 'addiction' and 'abuse' -- can and will be stretched to accomodate pre-determined choices.
in other words: "he yelled at me one time 9 years ago, that's verbal abuse and that gives me a clear conscience to divorce him."
That's not abuse. It's called typical spouse argument. Abuse is a whole different level and it's when you have to walk on eggshells, fear his reactions if you do or say something, he limits your contact with family members or friends, etc.
If a woman indeed filed for divorce just for getting yelled once in a argument years ago, I would think it's a drama queen.
Please, there is no more vindictive creature than a woman who thinks she doesn't get her share of as seen on Oprah family/relationship paradise. A few women (I know of, it's not "internet") literally had no brakes, they know that law is always on their side, some of them would throw any object with all what they've got (it's just matter of luck it wouldn't inflict serious injury), some would kick, scream and fight (much stronger males), a foolish man who just held her hands (to save his face) for her to calm down was reported as a violent domestic abuser and locked up. I would presume some do kill their men. As laws goes, as soon as a female starts to act up, scream, throw things (to worm up herself for more physical action) a man should just leave (and call some witness for that). Laws are so absurd and skewed towards "weak & vulnerable" females, it encourages the most nasty of them to drag their mates through legal (and very expensive) hell.
If men would only report every single act of domestic violence (the same way women report) I have a hunch that female violence would outnumber male violence 2 to 1.
Look at the death rates, broken bones, beating into unconsciousness, brutal rape, etc. Compare murder-suicides, including those involving children. Yes, female-on-male violence is underreported, but so is male-on-female. If you combine all forms of assault (verbal, emotional, minor injury, property damage), I believe the stats are about equal, but I don't think anyone can seriously posit that women are as likely inflict serious injury and death as men are.
Look at the death rates, broken bones, beating into unconsciousness, brutal rape, etc. Compare murder-suicides, including those involving children. Yes, female-on-male violence is underreported, but so is male-on-female. If you combine all forms of assault (verbal, emotional, minor injury, property damage), I believe the stats are about equal, but I don't think anyone can seriously posit that women are as likely inflict serious injury and death as men are.
Women's abuse is usually more subtle and slow. Sometimes over the course of many years. I do consider a woman wrapping a vulnerable man around her finger and getting him to do her will as abuse. I've seen this happen a lot. Of course I consider it abuse when it goes the other direction as well.
While reading all the horror stories I am wondering how many married a woman because she was hot or because they assumed she would be a housewife. I've seen this pattern time and again. Meanwhile quality women remain single, ones who believe in equality and don't judge by looks.
I asked for and got sole physical custody of my children when I divorced my first wife.
I know offhand of three Dads who have gone out of their way to live near and visit their children and are attentive and present for them as much as possible, and adore their children.
I also know of fathers who are beaten down and give up because the scorched-earth policies of their ex are such that they feel there is no point; they will always be demonized to their children, even if they walk on water. They have become The Enemy.
What a lot of women don't understand about men is that they are capable of rising to the occasion but they need a respectful partner to facilitate that. One of the reasons I admire my wife is that she shared custody 50/50 with a man she asked for a divorce from, even though it was far less comfortable for her as a mother. And that man has been a good father to those kids, has consistently stepped up to the plate and supported them. She feels, and I agree, that guys often get the very short end of the stick in divorce. She was determined to act honorably and not use her children as pawns in some sort of psychological warfare. This is one of the ways in which she showed herself to me to be a person of great quality.
I'm not saying they aren't CAPABLE of taking care of the children full time. I was saying many of them (on here as well) go on and on about 'not getting full physical custody' and I don't beleive most of them want it anyways. IMO, it's just something they like to say.....When given the opportunity the few times I've seen, they rejected the notion and went for the mother taking care of the child like it usually goes in the first place.
If a woman tries to take control of a situation involving the children, I see men saying 'she uses them as pawns,' or something to that effect. Those aren't the same things. IMO, most women want an amicable situation with their children and the father but most of the time, they rarely get that. If you did with your wife okay then, but I don't think majority of men are cooperative in the situation. Instead they say the woman was doing XYZ to undermine him, etc. as a result of him not getting the full control he wants.
While reading all the horror stories I am wondering how many married a woman because she was hot or because they assumed she would be a housewife. I've seen this pattern time and again. Meanwhile quality women remain single, ones who believe in equality and don't judge by looks.
That's my impression. IMO, many of these women they choose probably had it all going on in the looks department but nothing else to show for it. Just because she looks really good or cooks well doesn't mean she will make a good and/or fair mother, but that seems to be the standard assumption by most of them. Carrying on about the utmost importance of a women's feet might be a reason why they end up getting the short end of the stick in other areas....
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