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Single people: have any of you "given up on love"?
Insofar as traditional ideas of marriage, white picket fences, etc., I'd say "yes". That said, I'm sort of happily resigned to serial monogamy for a variety of reasons...
I went to my weekly rap group for men over 50 at a community center, and this topic came up. I thought it was interesting.
The question is: "Single people: have any of you given up on finding love or a committed relationship? Whether yes or no, please explain why."
I would love it if you would share your thoughts on this topic.
This was a great thread! It made me reconsider my take on the subject.
I guess when it comes down to it, dating and marriage is a microcosm of all societal interactions. Society is essentially about rejection.
Dating is about rejection just as gathering a platonic network/circle is essentially about rejection as well, though on a subtler basis. Truth be told, I have never been good at either, although some people consider me a good friend, I am not somebody that people gravitate towards.
To compensate, I detest the idea of rejecting decent people both as mates and friends.
I think everybody has a story to tell. Whether you want to listen to that person's story or not, depends on how many people with better stories you can get. Of course, in dating, looks is injected into this equation as well.
All in all, I think both platonic and romantic relationships are very competitive and hierarchical, particularly the latter. In contrast, I'm very laidback and sympathetic.
Although the thought of a large, dependable social network, and compatible mate appeal to me, the thought of playing the competitive game to get there does not.
I went to my weekly rap group for men over 50 at a community center, and this topic came up. I thought it was interesting.
The question is: "Single people: have any of you given up on finding love or a committed relationship? Whether yes or no, please explain why."
I would love it if you would share your thoughts on this topic.
Hi -- there. I found you.
Ok: I haven't given up on love: marriage or a committed relationship. I just don't think it's going to happen (again) before I die. And to be honest, I don't think the few relationships I've had before were 'love' (either on his part or my part). What I would like now is a best friend, to whom I am sexually attracted. A kind man who loves theatre, concerts, movies, music, good literature (Russian, English, Greek, South American, Mexican), the ocean, and all the sciences -- someone who gets blown away when it comes out in the news that there are hundreds of billions of planets and stars in our (puny little) galaxy, and that there are hundreds of billions of galaxies in our universe AND that there could very well be parallel universes.
And while I loved hockey and basketball, I need a man who doesn't sit in front of the TV 24/7 watching ESPN.
Now, on a slightly more serious note -- because I'm too old for you -- men who retire tend to become depressed and never snap out of it. I do understand that a man identifies with his career/job far more than a woman does -- but retirement is hard on almost everyone -- and you just can't lie down and die.
I look at men my age and older -- and they've already died. [Those ol' guys out on the golf course every day -- they've already died but they just don't know it yet. ]
I was thinking about this as I fell asleep last night. We just don't do relationship well in this country. (And I don't know about other countries, as far as relationships go.) I wonder if it would make a difference if, when we married someone, we knew it didn't mean "until death do us part"? Same with a committed relationship. I mean, what if we knew that we could leave or the other could leave whenever?
I think if we were going to have children, we might have to stipulate that the marriage last until the last child is off to college.
But I think slightly different or greatly different people fit us better at different times of our life. And when we live to be 80-90 now -- this "until death do us part" can be just too heavy a burden on both parties.
Secondly, I think women of all ages, in this country, are becoming more and more narcissistic as time goes by. Who would want to marry us? No man in his right mind. (The APA says that women over 50 is the fast growing group of narcissists in the country, and that narcissism, overall, is on the rise. I don't know how they know that -- but try having a conversation with an older woman -- or even a younger woman -- it's 'all about me'. I don't even like to converse with most of my peers. I tend to agree with The APA.)
And, thirdly, marriage and committed relationships are almost always difficult after the 'in love' wears off -- and it almost always does wear off. I think most of us just want to be 'in love' and not the 'in relationship' part.
What I would like now is a best friend, to whom I am sexually attracted. A kind man who loves theatre, concerts, movies, music, good literature (Russian, English, Greek, South American, Mexican), the ocean, and all the sciences -- someone who gets blown away when it comes out in the news that there are hundreds of billions of planets and stars in our (puny little) galaxy, and that there are hundreds of billions of galaxies in our universe AND that there could very well be parallel universes.
And while I loved hockey and basketball, I need a man who doesn't sit in front of the TV 24/7 watching ESPN.
If only we were born in the same decade ...
We still exist, I can vouch for that!
I know this thread is old, but I havent dated for 3 years now since I moved to Germany. The reason being is that the two real loves of my life that I saw a future with were lost due to my move to another country or continent.
Now that I will be moving to Philly and knowing this (well really knowing for the last 3 years) I am scared of getting in any relationships because I do not want to endure what I had to go through the last two times.
Maybe in Philly I will have more luck and find the third time is a charm kind of girl
I have been in a committed relationship with my girlfriend and am read to take the next step with her. Planning on moving at the end of the month to be with her because we have been long distance since the end of July. Working on getting a job but my own family is against me moving so soon. Saying that I am not being smart, etc. They feel even worse that her family is there and feel I am replacing them. Wish for me to wait six more months which I can't; I want to be with her. What is the best way to tell my family this is the best move for me and not do want they want me do to?
I have been in a committed relationship with my girlfriend and am read to take the next step with her. Planning on moving at the end of the month to be with her because we have been long distance since the end of July. Working on getting a job but my own family is against me moving so soon. Saying that I am not being smart, etc. They feel even worse that her family is there and feel I am replacing them. Wish for me to wait six more months which I can't; I want to be with her. What is the best way to tell my family this is the best move for me and not do want they want me do to?
It sounds to me you are in love.
Just a suggestion: if you want to be in a committed relationship why not find a job, have an income, so you can assert your independence?
If you're an adult you are old enough to make your own decisions. Adulthood implies good judgement and responsibilities, though.
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-- men who retire tend to become depressed and never snap out of it. I do understand that a man identifies with his career/job far more than a woman does -- but retirement is hard on almost everyone -- and you just can't lie down and die.
I tend to agree with The APA.)
Committed Relationship
