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I'm not sure why you are stuck on this? I'm not addressing or debating this issue.
For the most part I have yet to meet a woman that thinks like me, they all want the status symbol of marriage. It's just not my style. That doesn't mean I'm a cheating crazy male looking to destroy the lives of women, one woman at a time. It means it just isn't my style.
There are a few women that carry the same mindset as myself, it was the reason I posted this in the first place. Now knowing this it makes me feel a little bit better.
"Stuck"? This is my first post on this thread. I didn't say you're a crazy cheating man, nor do I think it. You did say that you're not sure monogamy is for you, though. What I did say, and do think, is that I would not cook, clean, and raise children for someone who is only interested in living together until he doesn't anymore. No thanks, raising children is enough work and worry without that. As most--if not all--of the women pointed out here, living together is one thing but having kids together while unmarried is not something most go into willingly ahead of time.
Yeah, I think this is a very important question. I'm getting the impression that someone simply feels their genetic material is so precious it must be passed on....
It is a very selfish notion especially to the child, more sarcastically so given that he/she is the desire of your intention. If you have no faith in marriage, what makes you think a prenupt would?
If you think being with someone without the need of prove by a piece of paper means more passion and romantic, you couldn't be more wrong. It just means you don't have enough passion to sign that piece of bond, nor romance to give you the courage to take it to another level. That's just coward. Relatively, it won't do good for the child to have a coward as Dad.
You should really consider suggestions offered by some others here eg. adoption, find a lesbian, convenient arrangements etc. I don't think any sound woman would be truely happy to go in that direction with a man even though there're cases like this. Here's one for you> //www.city-data.com/forum/relat...ish-marry.html
I'm not a big fan of marriage, most men I know have been burned by it and it wrecks of negativity. Not saying all marriages are a bust, but when they do go bust (and a good percentage do) it is emotionally draining.
With that said, I want to have children. Perhaps in the next 2-3 years, up until this point I was running around avoiding LTRs and now I kind of want to get into one, with the right woman for me of course.
Will it be difficult to find a woman that wants to have children without marriage? This does not mean I will just have children with her and then leave her. It means raising a family, living together, being together exclusively and growing old together. Can this be accomplished without a piece of paper?
You can have kids without being married. If you're single you'll have to figure out a way ahead of time to handle every single thing that comes up, and if you are in a relationship, you have to count on the fact that your partner may walk out at anytime and therefore once again, repeat step above. It can be done and though it's not always ideal, it works. More people are single or at least unmarried than ever before and it's going to keep being that way. All marriage is anyway is a piece of paper that makes it harder for a partner to walk out.
You can have kids without being married. If you're single you'll have to figure out a way ahead of time to handle every single thing that comes up, and if you are in a relationship, you have to count on the fact that your partner may walk out at anytime and therefore once again, repeat step above. It can be done and though it's not always ideal, it works. More people are single or at least unmarried than ever before and it's going to keep being that way. All marriage is anyway is a piece of paper that makes it harder for a partner to walk out.
You have the right not to want to get married; similar to others that have the right to want to get married.. this is a personal choice...
But once you get in a relationship where you believe she is the one you want to spend ur life with, please do her a favor, and let her know you are not going to marry her. Also make sure she knows you will not be changing your mind at a later time.
Then it's up to her to decide to stay or leave. but at least you didn't string her along
You can have kids without being married. If you're single you'll have to figure out a way ahead of time to handle every single thing that comes up, and if you are in a relationship, you have to count on the fact that your partner may walk out at anytime and therefore once again, repeat step above. It can be done and though it's not always ideal, it works. More people are single or at least unmarried than ever before and it's going to keep being that way. All marriage is anyway is a piece of paper that makes it harder for a partner to walk out.
While I agree you can have kids without getting married, marriage isn't "just" a piece of paper that makes it harder for a partner to walk out. While it is true that walking away is harder when married, there is a reason so many people are fighting to this day to have the right to marry. There are a lot of benefits to marriage that unmarried people do not get. In other words, gay groups aren't spending millions in legal battles to win the right to a piece of paper that just makes it harder for them to break up.
For example, if his live-in girlfriend and mother of his kids gets into an accident and dies, he could very well lose his kids to their maternal grandparents and lose half of the community property in his house to his girlfriend's family. Even if she has a will and signs one in front of him, nothing is stopping her from going the next day and making a new will leaving everything to her parents of a sibling. He could lose collecting on her life insurance (which would help pay for her half of the children's expenses) and he would be stuck with paying for everything if he even gets custody. And even if she doesn't make a new will, wills can be contested by her "real" next of kin. It happens to gay couples all the time and they lose everything because they aren't married.
Of course, that's an extreme... but there are also day-to-day benefits. For example, filing married for tax purposes and child tax credits. There are also a lot of child custody rights tied in with marriage (if things go south and he still wants contact with his kids). There are medical coverage concerns for his children as well... not just insurance but legal rights when it comes to medical care.
That's why I say (just looking at this from the OPs best interests and putting aside the psychological issues for children that others brought up) that it's really a very complex issue--legally and financially. It's not black and white. And the OP should read about and be informed of all laws in his state because *he* might be better off as a married father than unmarried.
Just because he agrees with you doesn't make him right. I'm thinking what the two of you know about marriage or raising children could fit on the head of a pin.
Tell you what. When several guys who have actually raised well-adjusted children to adulthood come on here and tell you to go for it, then listen to them. But, as it stands, those of us who have actually walked the walk are pretty much saying collectively that you have no clue what raising children actually entails.
Just because he agrees with you doesn't make him right. I'm thinking what the two of you know about marriage or raising children could fit on the head of a pin.
Tell you what. When several guys who have actually raised well-adjusted children to adulthood come on here and tell you to go for it, then listen to them. But, as it stands, those of us who have actually walked the walk are pretty much saying collectively that you have no clue what raising children actually entails.
I get the sense that the OP is not interested in considering what people have to say as much as finding a pack of me-toos.
You have the right not to want to get married; similar to others that have the right to want to get married.. this is a personal choice...
But once you get in a relationship where you believe she is the one you want to spend ur life with, please do her a favor, and let her know you are not going to marry her. Also make sure she knows you will not be changing your mind at a later time.
Then it's up to her to decide to stay or leave. but at least you didn't string her along
Noted and I already do this. I let this cat out of the bag whenever the "future plans" convo comes up, usually something like the 5 date.
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