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With a 50 percent divorce rate I can't see how marriage is much different than cohabitating, other than filing some paperwork when you leave, still don't get it. A lot of people say it is different than marriage, I just can't get my little lizard brain to see the difference.
Well, that 50% is one of those modern myths. The statistics are closer to 41%, and have actually been steadily dropping as people start marrying a little later in life when they have matured more.
The greatest determinant of whether your marriage will last is the age into which you enter it. If you marry straight out of school, then the odds of divorce increase significantly. If you wait several years, the odds of divorce plummet.
With a 50 percent divorce rate I can't see how marriage is much different than cohabitating, other than filing some paperwork when you leave, still don't get it. A lot of people say it is different than marriage, I just can't get my little lizard brain to see the difference.
I've said on other threads the the legal aspects of it are not too much different than what you could achieve with a power of attorney. So from that angle, sure. But, divorce is much more difficult than revoking a power of attorney.
When I married my ex-husband, I did it not only for myself, but for him. I had more to lose by way of tangible things than he did, and marrying him was my way of saying that what was mine was now also his. I wanted to share what I had with him. I wanted him to have what I had. The only reason we did not have a joint bank account was because he wanted me to handle all the finances, being that I was the primary breadwinner. He also didn't need my health insurance, or I'd have added him to mine. I paid for the car, but it was in both our names. Had we bought a house together, he would have used his VA benefits for it, and in that way, he wanted me to have what he had, too. He wanted to be a teacher and eventually a professor, and part of that goal was to be able to share a retirement with me. So it went both ways.
The people who squawk the loudest about never wanting to get married clearly don't want a partner to have what they have. They may want to share, but they want to reserve the option of taking it all back. Well, that's not sharing to me. Sharing is giving, not lending or allowing the use of something that you still feel, deep down inside, is yours, and hoping for the best.
Last edited by Lilac110; 04-20-2014 at 05:42 PM..
Reason: brevity, heh!
Well, that 50% is one of those modern myths. The statistics are closer to 41%, and have actually been steadily dropping as people start marrying a little later in life when they have matured more..
The largest increase has been in Grey Divorce after 55-60. That happened to me after a long marriage but the kids are successfully out the door and doing well.
Many of us older divorced keep a very good relationship with our Ex's.
Here's the thing. If most men you know have felt burned by the arrangement and wrecks of negativity, then I'm thinking you need a new circle of friends. None of my friends are shrinking violets or domestic slaves. None of them feel trapped in a loveless marriage. They derive lots of satisfaction from their marriages and their children. Grow up. You can't be a teenager forever.
As the father of 2 sons, I agree 100%. It's way more than just a piece of paper.
Thanks. I just don't understand people like the OP. They want to breed, but don't want to engender the circumstances that will allow that child to grow up in a way that more than likely will offer emotional health and economic stability.
Having and raising a child is very much a two-person enterprise. Hey, if you've raised a child on your own, then bravo. But it is so much more difficult to do it successfully in a one-person household. And simply cohabitating does not provide the same degree of stability as the long-term commitment of marriage. When a couple simply lives together, either partner could literally just pick up and say, "You know, I'm done here," throw his stuff into a box and go. Oh, sure, a person could walk out of a marriage. But it's a great deal harder and there are legal guarantees to the spouse and children he leaves behind.
Well, I guess traditional marriages really don't work for everybody.
I guess there are no crazy ideas, only brave ones. Having kids without the marriage will always sound crazy for some people, but at least you are healthy, strong, and truly happy, I guess it is all that matters, op.
Having kids without the marriage will always sound crazy for some people, but at least you are healthy, strong, and truly happy, I guess it is all that matters, op.
Gotta disagree. The happiness of the Parent takes backseat to the welfare of the child.
That's the problem with many kids today, their parents put their Happiness 1st.
Read all the threads on CD about Narcissistic Moms.
Thanks. I just don't understand people like the OP. They want to breed, but don't want to engender the circumstances that will allow that child to grow up in a way that more than likely will offer emotional health and economic stability.
Having and raising a child is very much a two-person enterprise. Hey, if you've raised a child on your own, then bravo. But it is so much more difficult to do it successfully in a one-person household. And simply cohabitating does not provide the same degree of stability as the long-term commitment of marriage. When a couple simply lives together, either partner could literally just pick up and say, "You know, I'm done here," throw his stuff into a box and go. Oh, sure, a person could walk out of a marriage. But it's a great deal harder and there are legal guarantees to the spouse and children he leaves behind.
Well, the very premise of the thread is off kilter in my opinion, I, like you, very much advocate having two people actively involved in child rearing.
If the man can't or doesn't want the commitment of a marriage, he has no business being a father because that is a tough job and a very much a commitment.... you don't just walk away from that... any man worth his salt wouldn't anyway.
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