Is being a 24 year-old male virgin weird & wrong? (date, Christian, wife)
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Actually, I will soon be 25. Anyway, the question still remains the same. Let me explain the details.
I'm a 24 (almost 25) year-old black male, and as you can guess by the title I'm a virgin. There's a lot more to me than just virgin, but for this piece it holds relevancy. I not only have remained a virgin, but I am also have never been on a date or kissed a girl either. (Go ahead and laugh). My reasons behind this are I guess three-fold. The first one is I guess religious, despite my Christianity is more relationship than religious. I follow Jesus, love Him, and want to love others with grace like He does. So, I guess my virginity & is because of my love for Jesus. Admitting that makes me a little fearful and wary. I'm sure someone will make fun of me because I admit that. Oh, well.
However, I must clear the air before it gets assumed. I'm not going to ever say that I am “waiting until marriage”. I like to think of myself as celibate. Saying I'm waiting until marriage makes it sound as if I'm waiting on somebody to enter my life. That or a true love waits campaign with purity rings. That's not true. Though I do have a sex drive and haven't been perfect in terms of mastering my desire and in perfect purity, I'm still celibate and I love God. With or without a significant partner that wouldn't change. With or without a ring, it wouldn't change at all. I will just continue to go for Christ in my life despite it. So I'm not just saving myself until marriage. That being said, if I were to ever have a first time, I would like my first time to be with my wife I'd spend my life with and not before that. Some may call that idealistic, but it's what I am shooting for.
This all leads to my second point: I just haven't met anybody that I would be considered awestruck by. My celibacy might change if I did. It feels cliché, but I guess it is for me when I say I just haven't met anybody. I guess I have a rubric of requirements for a lady & partner, with kindness, patience, and uses kind words at the top. Side point: I'm not looking for some perfect 10, bombshell model at all. They are okay, but it doesn't take model looks for me. I would just like someone who's beautiful, who likes for me to compliment her on her beauty. With all that in mind, I just haven't met the person with the right combination of beauty and all the other qualities. I guess I'd want that girl that has everything I'm looking for. It probably sounds picky, but I'm also picky about me too. I'm personally the type who would really strive to make my partner as happy as possible and take care of her. I know I have lots to fix about me and need to get better before even meeting that lady. So my 2nd point is basically a complicated point, with issues on both sides of the coin.
My third & final point really isn't difficult at all. I guess I have been following other passions more than some girls. I really don't want to go into clubs & bars (nothing personal). Those aren't really my place. I'm just not the type. I tend to like to do things like music, reading, sports, & writing, and I really love those. I was in choirs younger and still sing now for fun, as it's my enjoyment. Singing is one of my loves. However, singing is an introverted pursuit, which fits me well as I'm introverted too. So I guess I like being in quiet and peace more than big places most of the time. I really don't see that changing about me. I don't want to change to just have the approval of people, while at the same time doing something I hate. I do and follow the passions I like, and that's fine with me. I'm fine with being more of a homebody. It actually satisfies me.
It doesn't seem to satisfy friends, family and society at large. My family honestly is scared and worried about me potentially dying alone or being alone and old. They worry about me without a mate turning into sexual deviancy. They worry about me being able to live alone and not go crazy about it. I just won't answer that. I come from a place where marriage is the norm for just about everybody, so I guess they think there's something wrong with me in that I'm just not looking to marry. Then there are some friends of mine who have said that I should just look for a prostitute and lose it there. That way I wouldn't turn into a psycho and become some dangerous criminal. Obviously, for me that has to be out of the question. Yet society says that it's not a bad idea. It's like I've become too old to be a virgin. At least 3% of people are virgins right now at my age! That's not many. Plus, people say that it's impossible to be a virgin as an adult unless you have some hangups or some religious weirdo. I take offense to both of those describing me. Yet on tv, the message is still being proclaimed. I don't see anybody there who is not having sex or something. Virginity is not really a thing that is very celebrated, especially in men. I've even heard girls say they wouldn't date a virgin. So from what I've heard, virginity is more of a joke to most people. Now, I sometimes feel like a joke for still having one.
I feel like a freak of nature for still being a virgin. I honestly feel like I am in my own boat since I'm a virgin. I don't know anybody else who is like me. It's just like I am continually being downplayed for it. I feel like society at hand is saying I'm not a “real man” because I haven't had sex. Friends are saying that I'm some sort of psycho and repressed. Then my family is saying that I'm childish for not having or wanting to have a family and babies (though I am open to adopting). No one seems to be giving any congrats, even in Christian circles. They buy into the “impossibility of virginity” thing. Plus, singles aren't loved anyway in some churches because so many churches are so marriage-minded. Unless you have a spouse and kids, you aren't a real participant, it seems. I feel more condemned for being a virgin than happy for being one inside church circles, and I get depressed after being made fun of for it outside it. I am happy with my virginity, but they are planting seeds of doubt inside me now. Who's right? Am I the stupid one for maintaining my virginity or what?
So tell me, what do you think? What would you think of adult male virgins? What would you think of a virgin like me? Is there something wrong & am I weird?
No it's fine. It's a lifestyle choice. And it really only effects you.
Many may say it's weird, because in our society if you haven't had sex in middle school, or HS, then you're late or weird. But that doesn't mean it's true. That's still only the opinion of some people. Some do, and have successfully stayed virgins until marriage. Some waited for love, and nothing less.
My friend is religious, and she planned to wait for marriage. But she lost her v-card to her boyfriend of around 4 years. it worked out though, as they have talked about marriage, and plan to marry when they are done with college. They dated for over a year before having sex.
Then a member here. Dated their SO for a year, and didn't have sex until after that mark.
Another couple I was acquainted with dated for 4 years before having sex.
So there's no set answer. It depends on the individual, and if they have, or find, a partner who understands their reasons for waiting, and is willing to accept that and wait. So that will be the tricky part is finding a match. Not because your beliefs are wrong, but it may be few and far between to find someone who is patient enough and/or shares beliefs.
Some people can be virgins until their 40s or 50s. There's no clock on it.
It's like driving. Sure many may learn and be driving by 17. But that's not a definite. I know many who didn't even start learning until they were in their 20s. Julianne Moore, the actress didn't learn until she was 27. But she's not retarded, or seems to be anything less than a functioning successful career woman. She just didn't learn to drive until she was ready.
So I would say it's not weird if you don't think it is. it's your own personal standard. If you live life based on what others tell you is best, or weird, for you, it'll cause some problems. Just so long as you thought things through, and you know for sure it's the right move for you. If you have doubts, think about why and what makes you happy. Not what other people think.
I mean, even if you lose your virginity, you still may never get married. Marriage is not a guarantee. Some go on date after date, and have over 70 sex partners but never got close to marriage. Many people in my family are not virgins. They have kids, but no spouses. So, if your church makes you feel bad about it, maybe finding a new and more open-minded church works better. Not a new religion necessarily, just a different church. Sometimes it's not the religion that's bad, but the people within that particular church.
No it's fine. It's a lifestyle choice. And it really only effects you.
Many may say it's weird, because in our society if you haven't had sex in middle school, or HS, then you're late or weird. But that doesn't mean it's true. That's still only the opinion of some people. Some do, and have successfully stayed virgins until marriage. Some waited for love, and nothing less.
My friend is religious, and she planned to wait for marriage. But she lost her v-card to her boyfriend of around 4 years. it worked out though, as they have talked about marriage, and plan to marry when they are done with college. They dated for over a year before having sex.
Then a member here. Dated their SO for a year, and didn't have sex until after that mark.
Another couple I was acquainted with dated for 4 years before having sex.
So there's no set answer. It depends on the individual, and if they have, or find, a partner who understands their reasons for waiting, and is willing to accept that and wait. So that will be the tricky part is finding a match. Not because your beliefs are wrong, but it may be few and far between to find someone who is patient enough and/or shares beliefs.
Some people can be virgins until their 40s or 50s. There's no clock on it.
It's like driving. Sure many may learn and be driving by 17. But that's not a definite. I know many who didn't even start learning until they were in their 20s. Julianne Moore, the actress didn't learn until she was 27. But she's not retarded, or seems to be anything less than a functioning successful career woman. She just didn't learn to drive until she was ready.
So I would say it's not weird if you don't think it is. it's your own personal standard. If you live life based on what others tell you is best, or weird, for you, it'll cause some problems. Just so long as you thought things through, and you know for sure it's the right move for you. If you have doubts, think about why and what makes you happy. Not what other people think.
I mean, even if you lose your virginity, you still may never get married. Marriage is not a guarantee. Some go on date after date, and have over 70 sex partners but never got close to marriage. Many people in my family are not virgins. They have kids, but no spouses. So, if your church makes you feel bad about it, maybe finding a new and more open-minded church works better. Not a new religion necessarily, just a different church. Sometimes it's not the religion that's bad, but the people within that particular church.
Yeah, thanks. And the new church isn't particularly a bad idea. I would never leave Jesus and His love. I'd just like to find a spot that actually affirms singleness and not diminish it as "lesser". Everyone else seems to think virginity as being some childish state when you're not a "real man" or some repressed religious weirdo. I'd like to shed that label forever, and have people stop pressuring me on it.
OP, don't take this personally, but--nobody cares. Really. Guys blow this way out of proportion. Just live your life, go to church, mix and mingle at the church singles events, get involved in church projects, community activities, sports, and whatever catches your fancy, and cherchez la femme, as they say. You'll find someone. Someone who shares your values. Just live your life, and don't sweat the small stuff.
P.S. It's all small stuff! As long as you're gainfully employed and covering your living expenses, the rest is small stuff.
Oh, and btw---get new friends. Friends that support your values and choices. Best wishes.
Not at all, bro. I'm 24 and still a virgin. There are plenty of reasons as to why I'm still a virgin, but the point is, it doesn't matter. Live your life, and get friends that share your values, or respects them at the very least.
Last edited by NewYorker11356; 02-07-2015 at 12:04 AM..
No, there is nothing wrong with it. My brother is a 24 year old virgin too. I joke with him that I want nieces and nephews, but that's all. I don't want him to have sex or have kids if he doesn't want them or feel ready for them. I want him to find a woman that he loves and marries (and maybe or maybe not have kids, that is his decision after all, not mine). If anyone tells you otherwise, forget them!
You are actually really lucky to still be a virgin. Lots of people wished they had waited longer or waited for the right person. They would love to trade places with you if they could!
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