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For me, it's not as simple as it sounds. It's a little bit difficult when everybody else around says that you are the oddball for it or aren't a "real man" because you've never had sex. It's like losing your virginity is some mark of adulthood, and because I have one it's like you're a little boy. Virginity is misunderstood to be a sign of ugliness or a loser (at least for men). Nobody seems to really think about it other than to make fun of it from what I've seen. With all the stereotypes about virgins, I find it hard to find who understands me and my reasons for being a virgin. They just want to say you're weird. People have called me every mean adjective in the book, from nuts to prudish. So it hasn't been easy there. Virginity's a lonely boat. The majority doesn't want to understand it or my reasons why I'm maintaining it, at least in my experience.
It's also hard to find anybody who understands celibacy either. It's almost like people just find it unfathomable that there are people not looking to have sex and/or remaining a virgin in life in my case. Well, remaining a virgin in life with ability to change for a girl who I'll marry in my case. It's such a foreign deal for so many to think of remaining a virgin. People just think that something is wrong with you like I said in the article, i.e. hangups or religious weirdo. Or that you can't get anybody. Those are the things I have caught honestly. So, it's simply hasn't been easy for me at least, and downplaying peoples pressure isn't helping either. I'd like to move on, but everyone's pejorative opinions keep drawing me back and make me wonder if I am a weirdo like they say.
Honestly, none of my friends know I'm a virgin. When sex comes up, I always make up some story of doing it with a girl from Tinder, while on vacation, etc. Sometimes, I even say I kissed a girl, but that we didn't have sex (sounds believable as well). If I told them I was a virgin, they would definitely be surprised. I'm certain they wouldn't treat me any differently, but I'd likely get some looks and questions my way, and I'd rather avoid that. A lot of people assume I can easily pull girls in real life for whatever reason, lol. One of my good friends thinks that.
Point is, you don't have to tell anyone you're a virgin. Have you told people that you're a virgin?
For me, it's not as simple as it sounds. It's a little bit difficult when everybody else around says that you are the oddball for it or aren't a "real man" because you've never had sex. It's like losing your virginity is some mark of adulthood, and because I have one it's like you're a little boy. Virginity is misunderstood to be a sign of ugliness or a loser (at least for men). Nobody seems to really think about it other than to make fun of it from what I've seen. With all the stereotypes about virgins, I find it hard to find who understands me and my reasons for being a virgin. They just want to say you're weird. People have called me every mean adjective in the book, from nuts to prudish. So it hasn't been easy there. Virginity's a lonely boat. The majority doesn't want to understand it or my reasons why I'm maintaining it, at least in my experience.
It's also hard to find anybody who understands celibacy either. It's almost like people just find it unfathomable that there are people not looking to have sex and/or remaining a virgin in life in my case. Well, remaining a virgin in life with ability to change for a girl who I'll marry in my case. It's such a foreign deal for so many to think of remaining a virgin. People just think that something is wrong with you like I said in the article, i.e. hangups or religious weirdo. Or that you can't get anybody. Those are the things I have caught honestly. So, it's simply hasn't been easy for me at least, and downplaying peoples pressure isn't helping either. I'd like to move on, but everyone's pejorative opinions keep drawing me back and make me wonder if I am a weirdo like they say.
Again...it's simple...
You care too much about what people think....which is a sign of low self esteem and confidence issues.
You can probably start by NOT telling people you are a virgin.....it's none of their business. That is the best way to keep the pressure off. If you go around telling people then of course it's going to come off weird.
It starts with YOU. Either break down and conform or stand on your own two feet and develop confidence in how you are now.
Actually, I will soon be 25. Anyway, the question still remains the same. Let me explain the details.
I'm a 24 (almost 25) year-old black male, and as you can guess by the title I'm a virgin. There's a lot more to me than just virgin, but for this piece it holds relevancy. I not only have remained a virgin, but I am also have never been on a date or kissed a girl either. (Go ahead and laugh). My reasons behind this are I guess three-fold. The first one is I guess religious, despite my Christianity is more relationship than religious. I follow Jesus, love Him, and want to love others with grace like He does. So, I guess my virginity & is because of my love for Jesus. Admitting that makes me a little fearful and wary. I'm sure someone will make fun of me because I admit that. Oh, well.
However, I must clear the air before it gets assumed. I'm not going to ever say that I am “waiting until marriage”. I like to think of myself as celibate. Saying I'm waiting until marriage makes it sound as if I'm waiting on somebody to enter my life. That or a true love waits campaign with purity rings. That's not true. Though I do have a sex drive and haven't been perfect in terms of mastering my desire and in perfect purity, I'm still celibate and I love God. With or without a significant partner that wouldn't change. With or without a ring, it wouldn't change at all. I will just continue to go for Christ in my life despite it. So I'm not just saving myself until marriage. That being said, if I were to ever have a first time, I would like my first time to be with my wife I'd spend my life with and not before that. Some may call that idealistic, but it's what I am shooting for.
This all leads to my second point: I just haven't met anybody that I would be considered awestruck by. My celibacy might change if I did. It feels cliché, but I guess it is for me when I say I just haven't met anybody. I guess I have a rubric of requirements for a lady & partner, with kindness, patience, and uses kind words at the top. Side point: I'm not looking for some perfect 10, bombshell model at all. They are okay, but it doesn't take model looks for me. I would just like someone who's beautiful, who likes for me to compliment her on her beauty. With all that in mind, I just haven't met the person with the right combination of beauty and all the other qualities. I guess I'd want that girl that has everything I'm looking for. It probably sounds picky, but I'm also picky about me too. I'm personally the type who would really strive to make my partner as happy as possible and take care of her. I know I have lots to fix about me and need to get better before even meeting that lady. So my 2nd point is basically a complicated point, with issues on both sides of the coin.
My third & final point really isn't difficult at all. I guess I have been following other passions more than some girls. I really don't want to go into clubs & bars (nothing personal). Those aren't really my place. I'm just not the type. I tend to like to do things like music, reading, sports, & writing, and I really love those. I was in choirs younger and still sing now for fun, as it's my enjoyment. Singing is one of my loves. However, singing is an introverted pursuit, which fits me well as I'm introverted too. So I guess I like being in quiet and peace more than big places most of the time. I really don't see that changing about me. I don't want to change to just have the approval of people, while at the same time doing something I hate. I do and follow the passions I like, and that's fine with me. I'm fine with being more of a homebody. It actually satisfies me.
It doesn't seem to satisfy friends, family and society at large. My family honestly is scared and worried about me potentially dying alone or being alone and old. They worry about me without a mate turning into sexual deviancy. They worry about me being able to live alone and not go crazy about it. I just won't answer that. I come from a place where marriage is the norm for just about everybody, so I guess they think there's something wrong with me in that I'm just not looking to marry. Then there are some friends of mine who have said that I should just look for a prostitute and lose it there. That way I wouldn't turn into a psycho and become some dangerous criminal. Obviously, for me that has to be out of the question. Yet society says that it's not a bad idea. It's like I've become too old to be a virgin. At least 3% of people are virgins right now at my age! That's not many. Plus, people say that it's impossible to be a virgin as an adult unless you have some hangups or some religious weirdo. I take offense to both of those describing me. Yet on tv, the message is still being proclaimed. I don't see anybody there who is not having sex or something. Virginity is not really a thing that is very celebrated, especially in men. I've even heard girls say they wouldn't date a virgin. So from what I've heard, virginity is more of a joke to most people. Now, I sometimes feel like a joke for still having one.
I feel like a freak of nature for still being a virgin. I honestly feel like I am in my own boat since I'm a virgin. I don't know anybody else who is like me. It's just like I am continually being downplayed for it. I feel like society at hand is saying I'm not a “real man” because I haven't had sex. Friends are saying that I'm some sort of psycho and repressed. Then my family is saying that I'm childish for not having or wanting to have a family and babies (though I am open to adopting). No one seems to be giving any congrats, even in Christian circles. They buy into the “impossibility of virginity” thing. Plus, singles aren't loved anyway in some churches because so many churches are so marriage-minded. Unless you have a spouse and kids, you aren't a real participant, it seems. I feel more condemned for being a virgin than happy for being one inside church circles, and I get depressed after being made fun of for it outside it. I am happy with my virginity, but they are planting seeds of doubt inside me now. Who's right? Am I the stupid one for maintaining my virginity or what?
So tell me, what do you think? What would you think of adult male virgins? What would you think of a virgin like me? Is there something wrong & am I weird?
I think I was a virgin around that age...not that big of a deal.
OP, I admire you and agree with others above. It is really none of their business and you are NOT weird or alien. Good luck and keep searching in the right places.
There's nothing wrong with you. Find the right girl and everything will be okay. Find someone you can learn things with. I have only been with a few men but I learned with each of them and they learned too. That is the cool thing about sex that no-one talks about. It's a learning process between two people. Share and and find out. THere is no standard for a great lover as each person is different. Don't sweat it. Nature and communication will make things great when you find someone and have sex for the first time. Peace. <3
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