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What terrible lessons his child is learning, and his unborn child will learn in this environment!
Believe me when I say this, I am doing every thing I can (short of leaving him) to help my child in every which way. She is well loved by me and may be him also. But I get what you are saying. His father was like this. He learned from him.
But where would you go, besides a hotel? Your parents aren't nearby, right? Are they in another country? Would you rent an apartment? What's your plan?
It sounds like he's convinced himself that he needs to satisfy himself sexually elsewhere, because of the pregnancy. Was he staying out this late before that? And what about your first pregnancy, what happened then? Is this a pattern, or is it something new?
Where are your parents? You should talk to them.
My parents are continents away. One of the Asian countries. If they take a flight right away, they are approximately 24 hours and $5000 away in flight (I say 5 grand because last minute international tickets are priced that way to my country. we did fly once before for a family emergency)...
With my first pregnancy, I had a low lying placenta and the doctor told us not to have penetration. But we were involved in a way that was satisfying for both of us, taking into account the medical condition.
This pregnancy I have a partial condition but then, doctor gave us a go-ahead. However, since he said he will not touch me since Dec 15, the question of intimacy didnt come up. I tried very hard and he kept refusing me until I gave up.
This is not a pattern. He works in weird shifts. So, for him the day and night concept is not like the rest of us. His weekend is when his shift ends (unlike us i.e Friday evening) and thats the case for everyone working in his industry. And these late nights are nothing new. he has ALWAYS been coming home late after meeting with his 'buddies'. Even now i would not have thought of infidelity; my friend kept saying something was seriously off.
Is this something that you've ever talked about with him, even hypothetically? You said that this is an arranged marriage, but is this the sort of behavior that goes on under the radar in your culture? He might feel like he's fulfilled his cultural and familial obligations by getting married and having children, but he may have always had the expectation that his needs would be met elsewhere. And you, being a good wife, never thought to question him.
Is this something that you've ever talked about with him, even hypothetically? You said that this is an arranged marriage, but is this the sort of behavior that goes on under the radar in your culture? He might feel like he's fulfilled his cultural and familial obligations by getting married and having children, but he may have always had the expectation that his needs would be met elsewhere. And you, being a good wife, never thought to question him.
Actually it's a very conservative cultural I come from. This kind of behavior is not appreciated. Tolerated? Maybe yes as we are conditioned to stick with husbands until we die.
No, haven't talked about this with him at all.
But him and his girlfriend broke up because she cheated on him. That was a year before we got married.
My parents are continents away. One of the Asian countries. If they take a flight right away, they are approximately 24 hours and $5000 away in flight (I say 5 grand because last minute international tickets are priced that way to my country. we did fly once before for a family emergency)...
With my first pregnancy, I had a low lying placenta and the doctor told us not to have penetration. But we were involved in a way that was satisfying for both of us, taking into account the medical condition.
This pregnancy I have a partial condition but then, doctor gave us a go-ahead. However, since he said he will not touch me since Dec 15, the question of intimacy didnt come up. I tried very hard and he kept refusing me until I gave up.
This is not a pattern. He works in weird shifts. So, for him the day and night concept is not like the rest of us. His weekend is when his shift ends (unlike us i.e Friday evening) and thats the case for everyone working in his industry. And these late nights are nothing new. he has ALWAYS been coming home late after meeting with his 'buddies'. Even now i would not have thought of infidelity; my friend kept saying something was seriously off.
I asked about your parents, to see if staying with them was an option, but clearly it's not. But you should talk to them about this, just to have someone to talk to. And since they know your marriage is difficult, and sympathize with you, they should know what's going on.
You announced your pregnancy later in December, but he told you on the 15th he wouldn't touch you? He told you that before he knew you were pregnant? Why? I don't understand.
Since seeking sex outside of marriage isn't approved of in your culture, is there anyone in your community you could turn to for counseling? A religious leader, or a counselor who also is from your country? (Though they might tell you to stay with him and give him a chance to change, they would hopefully also tell him to be faithful to his wife.)
Here's something to think about. We don't have all the facts, so I'm just thinking out loud, here, working with what little info we have right now. He got a "quote" from a sex worker regarding her fee and what she offers. What this means is, that he has not contacted her before. So it means he doesn't have a regular person to go to. You'd think he'd be a sort of "established client" with someone, if he were doing this regularly. But that doesn't seem to be the case. Maybe he's been using different women, we don't know. But what we do know is that he didn't call her until 1:30 a.m., right? So we know that he was in the bar either alone or with friends, and didn't call someone until more or less the last minute before time to go home. It means that he doesn't just go to the bar after work, then see someone for hours. So he's not having an affair with anyone. It seems he's just wasting his time in a bar from approx. 6 p.m. to well after midnight. (It sounds miserably boring to me, but, whatever.) Whether or not he's seen other sex workers in the past, we don't know for sure, though it's likely. As someone here pointed out, he knows the terminology. We also know that he doesn't plan these encounters in advance. In other words, he didn't make an appointment with anyone for 1:30 a.m., it was not premeditated. It seems to me that if he does this regularly, he would have something already set up.
The text message exchange said he'd tried to get in touch the night before so I don't think it was his first time and that he did try to plan ahead buy she didn't get back to him until he'd already decided to head home from the bar. (Bar closing, didn't have anywhere to go but home). Sorry, OP.
Well we have a lot of issues going on. Thing is, when ever he gets angry with me, he gives me silent treatment. Then he says he will never touch me. But this has been the longest he has gone though.
This time he said he won't touch me again because of a very silly thing. He has this habit of doing things that at times I don't like. That day he was tickling was breast. It drives me crazy and I told him not to a billion times in the past. When he tickled me on dec 15 again, I brushed his hand off. He got angry over that. That's where it all started.
Let me think about telling my parents. They are gonna be here for my delivery, so I might as well prepare them. Though my mom would have sleepless nights for days when she knows this....me being this far and no one to look out for me.
There is practically no one he respects enough to hear their word but I am also see who can talk sense into him.
Though I am thinking if I should even do that.
I think you and your mom will both feel better if you get it out in the open to her and both of you start making your plan to escape. Perhaps after the baby is born, she can take you and the kids back with her for a "vacation" and just never come back.
I think you and your mom will both feel better if you get it out in the open to her and both of you start making your plan to escape. Perhaps after the baby is born, she can take you and the kids back with her for a "vacation" and just never come back.
Ok I will tell her. My best friend from Florida offered to come stay with me for a few days. I am wondering if I should take her offer.
Why did he do this to me? I am just average looking, average height, average job, average in everything...must be because of that. How am I to compete with 20 year old hookers? I lose the battle before it begins. I googled the number from where he got the message. All these girls are soooo pretty. Someone like me don't stand a chance. That must be it. I am way too average for him. So he pushes me away with one excuse or the other and reaches out to younger/ better looking women.
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