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The movie Women Talking is free on Prime for Oscar weekend, and there's a line in it about how in difficult times sometimes we laugh as hard as we want to cry.
Congrats to Sydney for all the big events! What a memory for your family.
So true, it really feels the same sometimes. I’ll look for the movie. Haven’t found one that can hold my attention long enough lately.
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Originally Posted by mlj1225
Sending hugs and support from afar, Rbccl. You are an amazing woman, full of strength and love. Hoping this tough time passes as best and as fast as possible. I love that your friend knew what to say when you needed it most!
Thank you! What a sweet thing to say, and I could say that same thing to you mlj1225. You’ve had some really tough life events, surviving and having support and kind words for other people says a lot about what kind of person you are.
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Originally Posted by shelato
I am pulling for you Rbccl. You and your daughter and your mom will muddle forward and get through this. i wish you well.
Thanks Shelato. There are some mental health and potential abuse issues, it’s just so frustrating when someone you love is suffering and you can’t immediately fix it for them.
Same boat. It’s been a rough couple of months with extreme issues for both my daughter and mother. I feel like their situations fall on to me for help, automatically by default. Mostly I can’t stand to see my daughter suffer, and get blinded with worry. I’m using all of my reserves in support. Leaving me with nothing, really. Stress at work on top of it. Pushed over the edge Friday and I sent a message to my team on Teams: Walking away.
Mid-breakdown my best friend happened to text simply: “what’s up”. So I did the talk to text thing because I didn’t want to call and cry, venting all “that’s up” and it was paragraphs ending with: “…and so here I am sitting on the counter eating fish sticks for lunch looking out all that $&@!ing snow falling so hard again, knowing I have to get out there and drive amongst the stupid people.”
She replied: “I’m here for you. Please don’t drive around eating fish sticks angrily.”
All I had to do was picture it. When I laugh at myself I think I laugh the hardest, tears falling. It’s really all I need to keep moving forward.
Holy smokes do I ever feel you on all this. Out of curiosity are you an eldest daughter, or an only daughter? I saw a thing on Facebook about "Eldest Daughter Syndrome" or something, just this phenomenon where those of us who have the dubious luck of being born first and female are raised in such a way that we often end up making outrageous amounts of sacrifice for everyone else in our families...or at least feeling as though we are obligated to.
Learning how to say no to people I care about has been one of the hardest things I've ever done. And I'm still not all the way there, I feel like I'm straining on the end of a rope as in tug of war, to hold the line on my boundaries sometimes.
And then I watched John Oliver last night and I wanted to scream and break my TV. It was about how the Clinton administration "reformed" welfare (I remember, thanks, it's about when I nearly starved to death) and how these days we've got states giving away millions out of TANF coffers to the pet projects of rich people. Effing great. That's another part of what makes me want to blow a gasket at those who are indifferent to the poor and struggling, their hardships create ripples out into their families. It isn't just that one person who makes unwise choices who struggles, it is also everybody who cares about them.
I feel like someone who has a certain kind of talent (not me) could write a song about driving around angrily eating fish sticks in the snow.
Holy smokes do I ever feel you on all this. Out of curiosity are you an eldest daughter, or an only daughter? I saw a thing on Facebook about "Eldest Daughter Syndrome" or something, just this phenomenon where those of us who have the dubious luck of being born first and female are raised in such a way that we often end up making outrageous amounts of sacrifice for everyone else in our families...or at least feeling as though we are obligated to.
Learning how to say no to people I care about has been one of the hardest things I've ever done. And I'm still not all the way there, I feel like I'm straining on the end of a rope as in tug of war, to hold the line on my boundaries sometimes.
And then I watched John Oliver last night and I wanted to scream and break my TV. It was about how the Clinton administration "reformed" welfare (I remember, thanks, it's about when I nearly starved to death) and how these days we've got states giving away millions out of TANF coffers to the pet projects of rich people. Effing great. That's another part of what makes me want to blow a gasket at those who are indifferent to the poor and struggling, their hardships create ripples out into their families. It isn't just that one person who makes unwise choices who struggles, it is also everybody who cares about them.
I feel like someone who has a certain kind of talent (not me) could write a song about driving around angrily eating fish sticks in the snow.
Not the eldest, I never talk about the eldest, she’s physically disabled and although she can drive and do everything for herself she just gets a pass on doing things for anyone else. Whole.nuther.story.
Yes it is a syndrome, or a codependency, or any number of logical things. No one was there when I needed them in my early 20s, just strangers and friends. So I can’t just watch my daughter suffer, and Im unable to tell my mom karma’s a B.
Too much empathy and pain for people who should know better but really don’t.
The crossroads where I stand with the situation in front of me is that if I keep giving help to the ones in my life (Mom, son) then I will find a way to care for my husband as he ages, but nothing will be left for my own care when I am old...and having watched and stressed over this situation with my father in law recently I just don't want to put anybody through it, nor do I want to be at the mercy of "whatever, who knows" in terms of solutions that one of my sons may or may not come up with.
I've spent too much of my life with the general feeling that "no help is coming" or that I cannot count on anyone...I feel like I have got to keep a reserve for my own future, because if I don't, then no one will. But if I do, then I HAVE TO say no to these other people between now and then.
Nevermind how crummy it feels to have the strong suspicion that my Mom was counting on me being "rich" and taking care of her. And it's like, she bought herself a house that she loves even though it's a crumbling heap, and she's fixing it up, and she keeps trying to talk me or one of my brothers into moving near her. But when my son was looking at being literally in a tent hiding in the woods homeless at the onset of winter in Colorado, she did not want him under her roof. She can say no, but she also has her hand out all the time...I don't want to have my hand out, but I somehow feel evil for saying no.
It doesn't make any sense. But then, nothing with her ever did.
She's gonna end up in a home, and there is nothing that I'm going to do about that. I am not moving in with her and her cats, and they aren't coming to live with me either. On the bright side if I stay in Colorado at least she won't simply show up...she came to visit once and she couldn't breathe. Now, I know that this is just altitude sickness and it's temporary and people acclimate. But I let her think that overweight people just don't do well at the high altitude, so she thinks she just can't live there. I'm alright with her thinking that.
Family, eh? /sigh
Meanwhile. I went to run an errand, and I have been amused by a song or two from this Youtube guy, "The Kiffness" that have come across my Facebook so I said what the heck and told my car's music thingie to just play his stuff. No idea what would come up, y'know? And a song was playing called, "White Privilege" and it was making me laugh and I pulled up at that moment at a stop light behind a Jeep with a Qanon custom license plate. I just about lost it. The universe is really funny sometimes.
Humor...amazing how well it manages to keep us going, isn't it?
I slipped on a rain-slicked sidewalk today and landed on my butt. I had to dig out the donut cushion I thought I'd never need to use again after the last time I wiped out on ice. So that's how my weekend is starting. Dignity. Always dignity.
I slipped on a rain-slicked sidewalk today and landed on my butt. I had to dig out the donut cushion I thought I'd never need to use again after the last time I wiped out on ice. So that's how my weekend is starting. Dignity. Always dignity.
It's a good idea to use a sturdy cane, when walking. It's like having a third leg. There is one which has 3 legs & 4 legs.
I slipped on a rain-slicked sidewalk today and landed on my butt. I had to dig out the donut cushion I thought I'd never need to use again after the last time I wiped out on ice. So that's how my weekend is starting. Dignity. Always dignity.
And when you slip on slippery stuff you can't look back accusingly at that imaginary something that somehow went out of it's way to trip you up It's just you, the wet surface, and your bruised.....dignity.
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