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Who funded the research for those studies and what's their agenda? The Daily Mail isn't exactly a reputable news source either.
If I ever, and I do mean EVER, agreed to be part of a marriage or LTR, you'd have to put me on suicide watch the moment I regained sufficient wits to realise the depths of my folly.
'One of these days, my boy,' says my father as he peers condescendingly at me over the top of his glasses. 'You'll feel a gaping hole in your life.' Having thrice ambled down the aisle, he can't or won't accept that I'm as happy as can be on my own.
I turned forty last year and reached that milestone without even the whisper of a coupling. If and only if my thinking changes, I'll be too old and set in my ways to do anything about it. At least I hope so. The alternative would be disastrous even to contemplate.
I'm basically the female version of you - 40, devotedly single with a thrice-married father. Except Pop thinks I'm a genius for having figured out that I should avoid marriage. LOL
Isn't it funny that societally, "bachelor" is a rather neutral term simply meaning not married at the time while "spinster" carries the connotation of age and long-term unmarried implying never married.
My best friend describes the three of us (women who have been best friends since high school and have never married) as "spinsters." Cracks me up.
That's kind of the point she's trying to make. No one would expect you or anyone to be even remotely considering dating only three months after losing a fiancee. Even mentioning the option, like you deserve a pat on the back for it, makes you sound callous and careless.
Well you're wrong. People on here like to assume stuff without knowing how I actually feel about it. I have to stay strong or I'll have a breakdown.
Content doesn't necessarily mean happy. I think he is more accepting of where he is at, not "happy" as you describe. Really, I think y'all need to stay off 49ersfan's case. Not everyone gets over a situation the same way or timeframe.
Well you're wrong. People on here like to assume stuff without knowing how I actually feel about it. I have to stay strong or I'll have a breakdown.
How would anyone know if you had a breakdown?
What does this have to do with "Long term singles being happy"?
If you would quit hijacking every other thread to bring up your pretend experiences no would be commenting to you. Is that what you're afraid of?
We know every detail of your life and then suddenly there's this dramatic day where your FIANCEE dies 2 days before a "Thanksgiving Wedding".
Gee you never mentioned a fiancee before, or wedding plans until she died...never giving advice about engagements...never answer questions about it, and now we get to hear about it.every.day.no matter what the subject.
And this is par for the course, along with all the other things that always and then never happen.
Just get a life or HELP and you'll understand what the annoyance is about.
Don't send me anymore DMs either, You blocked me, remember?!
If you read just the first two studies, they explain why the previous notion that married people are happier is flawed. If you are happy to begin with, you have a better chance of getting married in the first place. That means you're not happy BECAUSE you are married, you are happy because you are a happy person, not only that but you are likely to attract a happy person which increases success rate. But of course the reverse is also true. If you are unhappy, you will likely have poor choices for spouses even if you want to get married.
The part that I like is, if you are happy already, and then you CHOOSE to not marry, guess what? You are STILL happy. Imagine that.
Someone said a while back that people that don't like relationships have only been in bad ones. That is categorically not true. I have had NO relationships where I hated them afterwards, they all were and are great people. I just kept denying my true feelings for societies bent that I could not be happy unless yoked with someone.
Another comment made was that they wanted to be in a relationship where someone could help them, and they could lean on them.
...At the risk of being flamed, this is probably my biggest issue with relationships. It is NOT bad to hope that someone can come in and help you with all life's problems. That is part of what a relationship is for, right? My issue is I have a stress free life, I am laid back, have a kick back job, make decent money for my area, no kids, go out a lot, vacations, etc.
If someone else comes in and has problems they want help with, drama at work, children, money issues, bills, etc. them wanting help is natural, but WHY should I give up my peaceful existence when the same is not being reciprocated. Oh, I know that most people say they WOULD do the same for me, but that's the point, I don't need someone's help, so I don't wish to give it when I am getting nothing back.
Selfish is the word that most of you who made it this far are thinking, that is the only word I can think of too. But then I think of that man who does give up everything. All his money goes to the wife and kids to fix up the house, buy groceries, buy a minivan, put away for college funds, he carries the bags as the wife traipses through the mall, he spends his week at work 40+hours just so the weekends are spent doing honey-do lists or going on mini vacations to places he would never go if it was just him. Someone who cannot get a few hours to himself is the reality for many in this situation and is probably the worst part of the deal for me.
I'm rambling now, but I do feel EXTREMELY strong about this subject. Anybody who disparages the single life as "you're not really happy" or "you only know unhappy relationships" or "your picker is wrong" will get a swift response from me and people like me.
Let me finish by saying, in 1970, single people made up 28% of the U.S. population, in 2014 that was up to 45%, we are getting larger as more people discover that marriage is not the happier path.
My best friend describes the three of us (women who have been best friends since high school and have never married) as "spinsters." Cracks me up.
Spinsters and "life long bachelors" are my heroes.
I write this as a 20+ year married.
Overall, marriage was a mistake I would not repeat if ever confronted again with that choice.
I make the best of my lot in life, but advice to others is, marriage needs to be less of a norm. Far too many people are getting married. The typical societal "life script" says thou shalt marry. It's a bunch of BS. For the sake of humanity and quality of life, society needs to stop norming on "thou shalt marry!"
I make the best of my lot in life, but advice to others is, marriage needs to be less of a norm. Far too many people are getting married. The typical societal "life script" says thou shalt marry. It's a bunch of BS. For the sake of humanity and quality of life, society needs to stop norming on "thou shalt marry!"
The government pushes that script. When people marry, they end up giving more tax revenue. They buy a bigger house, so they pay more property taxes. They spend more money, so they pay more sales taxes. They earn more to keep up the lifestyle, so they pay more income taxes. All in all, the government benefits from marriage. So they keep pushing it, by leveraging the media and "society" to do the dirty work for them.
My best friend describes the three of us (women who have been best friends since high school and have never married) as "spinsters." Cracks me up.
To me, the term "spinster" is only an insult if the person chooses to think of it that way. I think it would be better to change our way of thinking, rather than change the term.
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