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No I was referring to the article you put on link. How these men have sex and then find out (gasp) "I really like this girl! She's great in bed, we laugh, we get along great... maybe she CAN be my girlfriend!"
...only to have the woman indicate she thought he made it clear this was friends with benefits, that's what it is to her, HER wants haven't suddenly changed, she wasn't only going along hoping he'd change his mind, that's all she really wanted: FWB!
Having sex with somebody you don't plan on marrying and grow old with isn't just some kind of SACRIFICE a woman is willing to make, she isnt thinking it increases our odds of hitting the jackpot: boyfriend! Confirmation she's worthy of a relationship! No. That's not always the case. That concept's just so shocking to some people.
What I'm doing is taking part in the modern dating scene after 15 years of long term relationships and realizing that it's pretty messed up. Which is why this author's article struck a chord with me. She talks about several issues that I've noticed in my relatively brief stint in the current dating world.
What I'm doing is taking part in the modern dating scene after 15 years of long term relationships and realizing that it's pretty messed up. Which is why this author's article struck a chord with me. She talks about several issues that I've noticed in my relatively brief stint in the current dating world.
And that's what's wrong.
I also find it interesting you relate so much to someone half your age. Your post is coming off as if you're complaining about the whole thing. If you don't like it and it makes you "uncomfortable," stop. Otherwise, all you're doing is contributing to the "problem" of "hook up culture." If you don't care, suck it up and deal with it.
This quote here: "While I was in a relationship, I heard people complain about the single life all of the time. Stories from my friends, articles on the Internet, anything popular on television, it’s everywhere. But it wasn’t until I began to experience it for myself that I truly understood what everyone was complaining about. Everything is so damn complicated. Nobody asks you out on a date; they just ask you to hang out – so after you do, you can spend the next three days that you’re supposed to be ignoring them wondering exactly what it meant."
I haven't found this to be quite as common on eharmony, but definitely on bumble. All the women I was chatting with wanted to "hang out." For an old guy like me, hanging out is something you do with your friends that is purely non-romantic. But, as I said before, it's all about the ambiguity in the modern dating scene.
All communication must be done in a neutral manner to remain emotionally protected. It's just so childish to me, very much a turn off. Turns out "hanging out" usually means sex and then more ambiguous communication to determine what's next. Saying what you mean is no longer a viable strategy in the modern dating world, although I'm not giving up on it, and from the the sound of this author's article, maybe veracity is making a comeback.
"Nobody asks you out on a date; they just ask you to hang out – so after you do, you can spend the next three days that you’re supposed to be ignoring them wondering exactly what it meant."
I haven't found this to be quite as common on eharmony, but definitely on bumble. All the women I was chatting with wanted to "hang out." For an old guy like me, hanging out is something you do with your friends that is purely non-romantic. But, as I said before, it's all about the ambiguity in the modern dating scene.
All communication must be done in a neutral manner to remain emotionally protected. It's just so childish to me, very much a turn off. Turns out "hanging out" usually means sex and then more ambiguous communication to determine what's next. Saying what you mean is no longer a viable strategy in the modern dating world, although I'm not giving up on it, and from the the sound of this author's article, maybe veracity is making a comeback.
You post about so many conflicting experiences. I'm thinking maybe you just don't know what you want.
Last time I said it was hard to believe that you talked to like three women and they fly in from all over the country just to sleep with you-- I don't think that's very ambiguous! I think somebody's saying they really like you if they use up their vacation time to fly out and meet you, they paid for the ticket right?
See ...I just don't get you. Maybe other women don't either.
What I'm doing is taking part in the modern dating scene after 15 years of long term relationships and realizing that it's pretty messed up. Which is why this author's article struck a chord with me. She talks about several issues that I've noticed in my relatively brief stint in the current dating world.
So? You’re a grownup. YOU officially ask for a date and call it that. YOU hold off on sex. You can’t do these two simple things?
Why are your standards so low? It seems like you’re just agreeing to go out with women in their 30s who talk like they have a case of arrested development. (“Hang out?”) Like you’re so grateful for any dates at all that you’ll go for women who don’t even know how to have a date by age 35, that’s just weird. I mean what’s broken there? They’re not just kids like the woman in the article.
If you don’t have any standards is it any surprise that the only women you’re able to attract also don’t have standards? It is so simple. Don’t gratefully jump for every “hangout” session. Be at least a little selective. Until then the real catches will be picking up on what they see as your own arrested development and inability to handle a simple dating situation and avoiding you, and you’re left with these women who are as desperate as you are.
It is that simple and this would be true for anybody. If you want a catch be a catch.
But I guess the 500k Instagram followers make it all worthwhile for them
I legitimately think this has a lot to do with it. Sociologically speaking, social status is incredibly important and how men and women view themselves in the social hierarchy tends to be quite different. This is especially true with the younger women. For males, traditionally they achieve higher social status via career and wealth. For young females, social status comes in the form of high ranking males suitors. The more high ranking male suitors, the higher her social status among her peers. Her perceived value rises with each additional suitor added to her list. I think this is one of the reasons that the modern dating scene is so complicated.
The problem is, once the young woman reaches an age where finding a husband and having children becomes highly time sensitive, she'll still find herself trapped within the same dating dynamic. I think this reality is what spurned the author to write her article. She sees the writing on the wall and knows things need to change.
In the context of this topic, are we using "hang out" as an euphemism for casual sex?
Not necessarily. I think "hang out" is an term that was adopted due to it's ambiguous nature. It's a very non-committal phrase.
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Maybe other women don't either.
