Lonely singles (men or women) (MERGED) (relation, picture, attract, psychology)
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In other words you live in your own world like everyone else. Your wife's married friends and single friends do not represent everyone else. People have a bad habit of doing this. So the folks in YOUR circle may need to "compensate" for their loneliness, but other singles do not and mind their business. They don't live life pining, waiting, and fighting near impossible odds looking for an SO. That is something that was never guaranteed to anyone. And just because someone is still lonely in a relationship does not mean they have trauma or a personality disorder, weird conclusion to come to. Also craving companionship does not automatically equal wanting a partner.
Many people can fulfill that need with friendship and be genuinely okay with that. Also just because someone may desire a partner, doesn't mean they will get one. So if they choose to "cope" by getting a pet, going to school, and just generally doing things to improve themselves and working with what they have, why try to take that from them? You got your wife and your family so you shouldn't be worried about them. Would you rather they go cry in the corner and be sad because life may not have worked out in that way for them? I'd say self improvement and self care is way better than committing a horrible crime just because they couldn't get bf/gf.
It's odd when people use the "we are social creatures" explanation and immediately jump to a significant other like they are responsible for all your social needs uh no. BALANCE and doing what's best for you, and worrying about what is in your control is the key here. And I also challenge the assertion that everyone craves romantic partner. People want partners for different reasons. Our society and the media shove romantic relationships down our throats and pedestalizes romance constantly. Humans are also highly impressionable. So can we truly say romantic desire is completely natural/innate when we have outlets that have been constantly telling us from the time we were born, 24/7 that is something we should want? Just some food for thought. Being married or being single does not inherently make you better than anyone else, it's just basic relationship status.
you know people would crave romantic partners even if it was not pushed by the media, hence the hormone cocktail your brain produces when you fall in love, you know someone in a new relationships brain is lit up in the same places as the brain of someone high on LSD? yep, you fall in love and the brain makes its own drugs.
you know people would crave romantic partners even if it was not pushed by the media, hence the hormone cocktail your brain produces when you fall in love, you know someone in a new relationships brain is lit up in the same places as the brain of someone high on LSD? yep, you fall in love and the brain makes its own drugs.
Yes we all want love and affection; it would be nice to have someone to cuddle at the end of the day.
Plus having someone else to share the mortgage, bills, errands, cooking, cleaning and everything else that entails with being an adult.
you know people would crave romantic partners even if it was not pushed by the media, hence the hormone cocktail your brain produces when you fall in love, you know someone in a new relationships brain is lit up in the same places as the brain of someone high on LSD? yep, you fall in love and the brain makes its own drugs.
SOME people might want a romantic partner even if it wasn't pushed by the media and/or by 'society'. But how often do we hear, "My parents are pushing me into getting a boyfriend/girlfriend?" Remove ALL of the pressures, and there would probably be a LOT less people who would be 'coupled up'.
Plus, how many people know the difference between falling in love and falling in lust? And that 'high' you talk about is often short-lived. Throw a little reality into the mix, and suddenly those "feel good" hormones don't feel so good anymore.
Quote:
Originally Posted by HoneyWest
Yes we all want love and affection; it would be nice to have someone to cuddle at the end of the day.
Plus having someone else to share the mortgage, bills, errands, cooking, cleaning and everything else that entails with being an adult.
The desire to 'cuddle' with someone at the end of the day, and/or to have someone to share the bills with doesn't necessarily mean that one is "in love."
There are quite a few people out there who want SOMEONE around, just so they don't feel alone...or because they want a steady stream of sex...or because they want someone to 'be there' in case of some medical issue...or they want someone who they can control...and of course, none of that is about "love and affection."
I can't recall who the poster was, but a CD poster once said that REAL love is actually pretty rare. While many people do couple-up, it doesn't mean that they do so out of "love."
SOME people might want a romantic partner even if it wasn't pushed by the media and/or by 'society'. But how often do we hear, "My parents are pushing me into getting a boyfriend/girlfriend?" Remove ALL of the pressures, and there would probably be a LOT less people who would be 'coupled up'.
Plus, how many people know the difference between falling in love and falling in lust? And that 'high' you talk about is often short-lived. Throw a little reality into the mix, and suddenly those "feel good" hormones don't feel so good anymore.
The desire to 'cuddle' with someone at the end of the day, and/or to have someone to share the bills with doesn't necessarily mean that one is "in love."
There are quite a few people out there who want SOMEONE around, just so they don't feel alone...or because they want a steady stream of sex...or because they want someone to 'be there' in case of some medical issue...or they want someone who they can control...and of course, none of that is about "love and affection."
I can't recall who the poster was, but a CD poster once said that REAL love is actually pretty rare. While many people do couple-up, it doesn't mean that they do so out of "love."
I have to agree... ppl are complicated and just looking at all my "couple" friends, you can see love or just convenience.
I've also seen true love between a couple where one of the partners "fall out of love" with the other after a few years of stress. I have lost touch with them, but the husband asked for a divorce. The wife actually called me and I told her to take "half". I know that sounds mean, but he really took the best years of her life and dumped her for no reason.
I've seen other ****ty relationships where the couple obviously fell out of love or maybe wasn't truly in love in the 1st place. But I also know of 2 couples that love each other. You can tell by their interactions and respect for each other. Sure there are disagreements, but that's normal... and at the end of the day they care about each other enough to compromise.
I have to agree... ppl are complicated and just looking at all my "couple" friends, you can see love or just convenience.
I've also seen true love between a couple where one of the partners "fall out of love" with the other after a few years of stress. I have lost touch with them, but the husband asked for a divorce. The wife actually called me and I told her to take "half". I know that sounds mean, but he really took the best years of her life and dumped her for no reason.
I've seen other ****ty relationships where the couple obviously fell out of love or maybe wasn't truly in love in the 1st place. But I also know of 2 couples that love each other. You can tell by their interactions and respect for each other. Sure there are disagreements, but that's normal... and at the end of the day they care about each other enough to compromise.
I think that unless you're in that relationship/marriage, you have no way of knowing if it's happy or not love or convenience or that there was "no reason" for the marriage to end. IMO you can't just tell by looking at people what their relationships are actually like.
SOME people might want a romantic partner even if it wasn't pushed by the media and/or by 'society'. But how often do we hear, "My parents are pushing me into getting a boyfriend/girlfriend?" Remove ALL of the pressures, and there would probably be a LOT less people who would be 'coupled up'.
That's true--some of the posts we get from people lamenting their lack of partner seem less like someone who legitimately wants intimacy and companionship and more like someone who feels like a loser (because they *should* have an SO by now) and/or want to get their mom off their case about it.
SOME people might want a romantic partner even if it wasn't pushed by the media and/or by 'society'. But how often do we hear, "My parents are pushing me into getting a boyfriend/girlfriend?" Remove ALL of the pressures, and there would probably be a LOT less people who would be 'coupled up'.
Plus, how many people know the difference between falling in love and falling in lust? And that 'high' you talk about is often short-lived. Throw a little reality into the mix, and suddenly those "feel good" hormones don't feel so good anymore.
The desire to 'cuddle' with someone at the end of the day, and/or to have someone to share the bills with doesn't necessarily mean that one is "in love."
There are quite a few people out there who want SOMEONE around, just so they don't feel alone...or because they want a steady stream of sex...or because they want someone to 'be there' in case of some medical issue...or they want someone who they can control...and of course, none of that is about "love and affection."
I can't recall who the poster was, but a CD poster once said that REAL love is actually pretty rare. While many people do couple-up, it doesn't mean that they do so out of "love."
Sure, and a lot of people, if the issue is just being lonely, will resort to getting a cat or a dog (or multiples) to have company that can give unconditional attention.
Imagine all the miscommunications and bad advice followed because sarcasm was taken literally on an advice forum!
Someone could write a whole comedy around that!
Seriously though. Its not about that. Festivus might look like Val Kilmer yet struggle to get a 2nd date if the date detects a lack of ability to connect.
On the flip side he could look like Quasimodo yet be a complete lady killer because of superior social skills and conversation skills and ability to make a genuine connection.
The outer shell truly has very little to do with success in dating women.
Yeah I don’t buy that completely lol
Not that personality/connection isn’t important and looks arent everything but let’s not downplay how being good looking makes dating much easier and you get more chances to establish connections and also being good looking can make someone more apt to think you’re funnier or more entertaining then you actually are
And the less attractive you are the less options you’re gonna have no matter how good a personality you have
That's true--some of the posts we get from people lamenting their lack of partner seem less like someone who legitimately wants intimacy and companionship and more like someone who feels like a loser (because they *should* have an SO by now) and/or want to get their mom off their case about it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by RamenAddict
Sure, and a lot of people, if the issue is just being lonely, will resort to getting a cat or a dog (or multiples) to have company that can give unconditional attention.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mink57
SOME people might want a romantic partner even if it wasn't pushed by the media and/or by 'society'. But how often do we hear, "My parents are pushing me into getting a boyfriend/girlfriend?" Remove ALL of the pressures, and there would probably be a LOT less people who would be 'coupled up'.
Plus, how many people know the difference between falling in love and falling in lust? And that 'high' you talk about is often short-lived. Throw a little reality into the mix, and suddenly those "feel good" hormones don't feel so good anymore.
The desire to 'cuddle' with someone at the end of the day, and/or to have someone to share the bills with doesn't necessarily mean that one is "in love."
There are quite a few people out there who want SOMEONE around, just so they don't feel alone...or because they want a steady stream of sex...or because they want someone to 'be there' in case of some medical issue...or they want someone who they can control...and of course, none of that is about "love and affection."
I can't recall who the poster was, but a CD poster once said that REAL love is actually pretty rare. While many people do couple-up, it doesn't mean that they do so out of "love."
Yes all of this. Our society is so romance and sex obsessed. When we hear the word loneliness, people think "You need a partner." When we hear the word love, people automatically think partner. Companionship = partner in a lot of people's minds. Hell, if you're just an attractive whose single, people will pester you. Nobody talks about friends or other types of family and that's an issue. Love comes in all kinds of types and neither or more valuable or better than the other. It's just different. But we place so much importance on love, which is ironic because the west is so individualistic but that is neither here nor there.
If we took away the pressure, corny romance movies/novels, parental pressure to have grand children, and to keep up the status quo, people would feel more comfortable living their lives. And it would arguably allow those who truly fall in love to find each other. It would actually probably be better for romantic relationships because they would be more genuine. Society generalizes love as something everyone deserves, but doesn't tell people that it's not guaranteed to any of us. So why not find other things to fulfill you in case it never happens?
It's also crazy to me that some of the same people who push it the most are the same people who will give you all these requirements and rules that make even more difficult to obtain. Some people rather be single until of if someone comes along and actually makes them feel something more than just "Oh they're nice and want to help me out, I guess I'll give them a shot." And for the few that get it, it's well worth the wait and fleeting feelings of loneliness. Sounds way better than hopping from relationship to relationship just because and to get by.
Not that personality/connection isn’t important and looks arent everything but let’s not downplay how being good looking makes dating much easier and you get more chances to establish connections and also being good looking can make someone more apt to think you’re funnier or more entertaining then you actually are
And the less attractive you are the less options you’re gonna have no matter how good a personality you have
Yep, the more people who find you attractive the greater the odd's that at least one of them will be compatible with you in other ways also, there was a study done on mismached couples(one hot the other not) on whether they are less or more happy than couples that are equal in the looks department(the finding was the happiness levels were about equal) but one of the other patterns was the mismatched couple on average new each other longer before becoming a couple, basically what the study confirmed was not so good looking people don't get the "we locked eyes across a crowed bar" origin stories to their relationship, but more the "we were coworkers, friends growing up, had mutual friends, lived on the same floor in our old apartment building and he/she grew on me" origin stories.
Not saying that non conventionally attractive people can't find love or get dates, it is just more of an uphill struggle.
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