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Using my phone, so this is a brief place holder for later.
I'm thinking that at 40 and beyond, one needs to be able to answer a couple of basic questions in order to have a succesful relationship: who are you? What are you about?
Who you are isn't answered by your job, by your recreational activites, by parental status, by race or by age. It's not an easy question, really. It didn't matter in ones 20s or 30s, bt it matters more as you get older. When you are 30, "I just like hanging you with so and so" is enough, but it is t anymore.
Sure, a lot of people - especially men because they can, but women do it too - avoid the issue by dating younger. I have occasionally dabbled with younger men, and it absolutley is a real benefit to dating htem. It's easier. There's no unspoken question "who are you" to answer. Men really benefit from this, because they can show their accomplishments to a younger woman; she's not yet reached he stage where she's wondering who you are as it relates to personal character.
At this point though it is very glaring when a person can't answer the question; and we know it even if he question isn't asked.
I kind of see it the other way; I believe at 40 +, your job, by your recreational activites, by parental status, by race or by age are an important part and answer to who you are.
The key is being comfortable with and accepting the decisions you've made, being flexible & making adjustments in where you want to go. Now you are free to be yourself and not constrained by societal deadlines and pressures.
I'm thinking that at 40 and beyond, one needs to be able to answer a couple of basic questions in order to have a succesful relationship: who are you? What are you about?
Who you are isn't answered by your job, by your recreational activites, by parental status, by race or by age. It's not an easy question, really. It didn't matter in ones 20s or 30s, bt it matters more as you get older. When you are 30, "I just like hanging you with so and so" is enough, but it is t anymore.
Sure, a lot of people - especially men because they can, but women do it too - avoid the issue by dating younger. I have occasionally dabbled with younger men, and it absolutley is a real benefit to dating htem. It's easier. There's no unspoken question "who are you" to answer. Men really benefit from this, because they can show their accomplishments to a younger woman; she's not yet reached he stage where she's wondering who you are as it relates to personal character.
At this point though it is very glaring when a person can't answer the question; and we know it even if he question isn't asked.
I did not find it worked after highschool (hangout/whatever) but thats just me.
My point is if you are already together and lose your job then that's a different situation. I'm talking about not having a job and trying to go on dates
That is not mentioned anywhere in your post.
And what on earth does a woman's weight and attractiveness (which is an entirely subjective matter) have to do with whether she'd support an unemployed man?
I thought you counseled women in finding jobs? So if one of your clients benefits from your guidance and meets with raging success, and then meets an unemployed guy and happens to fall in love with him, does that make her a loser or, you know, FAT and UGLY?
It just doesn't make sense to me, TV. Maybe you're talking off the cuff, but you're painting in awfully broad strokes.
And what on earth does a woman's weight and attractiveness (which is an entirely subjective matter) have to do with whether she'd support an unemployed man?
I thought you counseled women in finding jobs? So if one of your clients benefits from your guidance and meets with raging success, and then meets an unemployed guy and happens to fall in love with him, does that make her a loser or, you know, FAT and UGLY?
It just doesn't make sense to me, TV. Maybe you're talking off the cuff, but you're painting in awfully broad strokes.
But even the OP ruled out unemployed men (and fat men) so even when someone says they're not going to be picky like everyone else, employment is still one big requirement.
But even the OP ruled out unemployed men (and fat men) so even when someone says they're not going to be picky like everyone else, employment is still one big requirement.
That's the OP. And I've addressed the potential pitfalls of that a few posts up with a bit of a tome.
TV's statement struck me as something entirely different.
And what on earth does a woman's weight and attractiveness (which is an entirely subjective matter) have to do with whether she'd support an unemployed man?
I thought you counseled women in finding jobs? So if one of your clients benefits from your guidance and meets with raging success, and then meets an unemployed guy and happens to fall in love with him, does that make her a loser or, you know, FAT and UGLY?
It just doesn't make sense to me, TV. Maybe you're talking off the cuff, but you're painting in awfully broad strokes.
Because i never heard of a PRETTY WOMEN supporting a grown man. Years ago when I graduated college, a pretty women didn't want to date me because I had no car-lol But a oman who was not that pretty was ok with it
I kind of see it the other way; I believe at 40 +, your job, by your recreational activites, by parental status, by race or by age are an important part and answer to who you are.
The key is being comfortable with and accepting the decisions you've made, being flexible & making adjustments in where you want to go. Now you are free to be yourself and not constrained by societal deadlines and pressures.
I don't know about this - I have a good job in what is something of a of a glamour industry. Does that matter in the world of dating?
If one is on a date and is asked, "who are you?" does my job, status and income really count, does it tell a potential partner who I am as a person? Does answering, "I'm a proud mother, my kids are my world" say much?
If the question is "who are you?" is what you have accomplished the answer being sought, or is the question broader and more personal than that?
I'm not saying I think you are wrong. Just opening it up for further discussion
Because i never heard of a PRETTY WOMEN supporting a grown man. Years ago when I graduated college, a pretty women didn't want to date me because I had no car-lol But a oman who was not that pretty was ok with it
Well, it happens. Shocking, I know.
And thank you for putting Roy Orbison in my head. I like that song.
That's the OP. And I've addressed the potential pitfalls of that a few posts up with a bit of a tome.
TV's statement struck me as something entirely different.
Okay - but for all the women who want a man and claim that they wouldn't hold it against one to not have a job, then why don't we see more women volunteering at homeless shelters where they could definitely find one?
I don't know about this - I have a good job in what is something of a of a glamour industry. Does that matter in the world of dating?
If one is on a date and is asked, "who are you?" does my job, status and income really count, does it tell a potential partner who I am as a person? Does answering, "I'm a proud mother, my kids are my world" say much?
If the question is "who are you?" is what you have accomplished the answer being sought, or is the question broader and more personal than that?
I'm not saying I think you are wrong. Just opening it up for further discussion
No they do not completely define who you are, but paradoxically, they do say a lot about who you are & your journey; your work ethic, your family ethic, your drive, your ambition, all the choices you have made career-wise & family-wise to date.
Where you are today at 40 is not incidental but a result of your choices & your character. Now at 40, you have the benefit of hindsight and experience yet you are still young enough to enjoy life and look forward to many more great experiences to come.
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