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Using my phone, so this is a brief place holder for later.
I'm thinking that at 40 and beyond, one needs to be able to answer a couple of basic questions in order to have a succesful relationship: who are you? What are you about?
Who you are isn't answered by your job, by your recreational activites, by parental status, by race or by age. It's not an easy question, really. It didn't matter in ones 20s or 30s, bt it matters more as you get older. When you are 30, "I just like hanging you with so and so" is enough, but it is t anymore.
Sure, a lot of people - especially men because they can, but women do it too - avoid the issue by dating younger. I have occasionally dabbled with younger men, and it absolutley is a real benefit to dating htem. It's easier. There's no unspoken question "who are you" to answer. Men really benefit from this, because they can show their accomplishments to a younger woman; she's not yet reached he stage where she's wondering who you are as it relates to personal character.
At this point though it is very glaring when a person can't answer the question; and we know it even if he question isn't asked.
I think a person is what they do. They that do that job because there are characteristics they have that are suited for the job.
I should look up the reference, but I remember a quote along the lines of "Tell me what you do, and I'll show you who you are."
No they do not completely define who you are, but paradoxically, they do say a lot about who you are & your journey; your work ethic, your family ethic, your drive, your ambition, all the choices you have made career-wise & family-wise to date.
Where you are today at 40 is not incidental but a result of your choices & your character. Now at 40, you have the benefit of hindsight and experience yet you are still young enough to enjoy life and look forward to many more great experiences to come.
Fair enough, I do see your point. It's a biT of an expansion on the question: who are you. I'm thinking that perhaps, ones answer to the question wouldn't be to state their job, or parental status, or ethnicity. Instead, here are some of the factors which explain WHY one answers the question in the way one does.
I think a person is what they do. They that do that job because there are characteristics they have that are suited for the job.
I should look up the reference, but I remember a quote along the lines of "Tell me what you do, and I'll show you who you are."
I would be very interested in the source and intent behind that quote. It's easy to get behind if you like what you do. But what if you don't? Maybe the fact that you are willing to grind out a job you don't really like counts for more character than having the job itself?
You could do a study on that. Try answering that different ways and see how things go, how different men react to the different answers.
1. "I'm childless, my career is my world".
2. "I'm childless, sex and travel and parties are my world".
3. "I'm a proud mother of one child, my kid is my world".
4. "I'm a proud mother of 7 children, they are my world".
I think that a statement really works when I can be viewed positively on it's own, rather than being viewed as better than a number of alternatives. Sure, having loving children is probably more fulfilling than flying to Ibiza to have anonymous sex in the back of a nightclub... But is THAT what makes you a better person? Is that who you are: a woman who is enjoys her home life enough that she DOESNT want to have sex in a nightclub in Ibiza?
I don't have kids, but there are a number of other things about me which are great compared to the alternatives. I am thinking it does not.
My guess is, the best things about who you are don't have to be compared to something worse. They just stand on their own.
Because i never heard of a PRETTY WOMEN supporting a grown man. Years ago when I graduated college, a pretty women didn't want to date me because I had no car-lol But a oman who was not that pretty was ok with it
Boy, there's a LOT you have never heard of, isn't there?
And I can see only weak willed or vapid men supporting women. This is the 21rst century, pay your own way, sugar.
ITF and WTF. I prefer ITF. WTF just teaches you how to win martial arts tournaments, ITF's focused on self defense.
Okay.
Was just wondering.
i am more drawn to the more practical combat oriented disciplines myself.
I studied TKD for a while years ago.
I think it was WTF though.
They were always on us about trying to win trophies.
I left after that.
My home art is JKD and Modified JKD. With a little Shoto and Kempo thrown in.
Aikijujutsu is my dream though.
That or Liu He Ba Fa I thinks its called.
BTW, your first statement was hilarious.
Weak willed and vapid men.
Lolz.
I would be very interested in the source and intent behind that quote. It's easy to get behind if you like what you do. But what if you don't? Maybe the fact that you are willing to grind out a job you don't really like counts for more character than having the job itself?
Most people would not stay in a job that they had no talent for, or the necessary characteristics for. I was in market research for all of a week. It didn't suit me, and so I ddin't remain in the job.
But I have frequently found myself working with freight and stocking shelves. Why? Because I have characteristics that allow me to excel at that job.
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