[Wilton2ParkAve]

Originally Posted by Native Transplant

So, New Haven, Charolotte, Rochester....what other ones are we missing? Level of urgency keeps changing, too.

Argh. I predict Nep is about to go into hibernation for a few weeks. He will re-emerge with a new sense of urgency and a fresh list of locales.

[willow wind]

I think Nep is beginning to get very comfortable not working and hanging out at mom and dad's. After he eventually ( maybe) finds new city to live in, then he has to find a job there. This could go on for years.

[AnonChick]

Maybe he's starting to realize that the men that fit -his- criteria, don't count him on -their- list of criteria. And so he's hemming and hawing and avoiding taking any action. I mean - if I was a gay man of high standards, income, taste, upward mobility, fashion sense, education, etc. etc..

and someone told me "hey there's a guy who's in his late 20's, living with his parents, with no job, who's asking a bunch of strangers on the internet to help him pick out which city he should move to, in order to find a man.." does anyone think I'd be responding "oh yeah baby, that's my boy! SEND HIM TO ME AND SEND HIS TWIN I'LL TAKE TWO!"

I'm sorry, that just doesn't scream "hot" to me. But what do I know. I'm middle-aged heterosexual married woman who didn't have any internet forum back when she was single and looking for dates. Back in my day, we didn't move to where the action was. We created the action, wherever we were.

[DDurante83]

Originally Posted by nep321

So, I have spent the last 6 weeks traveling the entire U.S., since I quit my job in Nov and I have NO regrets! What an unfathomably amazing, amazing country. With that said, one of the purposes of the trip was to visit various places to see if I may want to live there. I put 10,000 miles on my car and spent over $4,000 on this trip. It was totally worth it though.

Anyway, to cut to the chase, I have thought long and carefully about where to live. Right now I'm staying at my parents' house in Granby, and I can't say I'm thrilled or appreciative to be back home in north central CT. It's lame, lame, lame for single gay men who are 28 years old. On the flip side, it's phenomenal for families and married couples. I lost all motivation and desire to stay here any longer. It's gotten to the point where I keep deleting e-mails from recruiters with jobs in the Hartford area.

So, I have my choices narrowed down to two places. I will either make a small move down to the New Haven area, or make a bigger move down to the Charlotte, NC area. Based on my research, New Haven county has about 50% more gay men that meet my criteria than Hartford County. Cost of living is about the same, as well as job opportunities. And I would be a 1-hour drive from family. It's also better for singles and gays.

Charlotte, on the other hand, would only be a 2 hr flight to Bradley, and the job opportunities there are exciting for a young professional. There are many more young people in Charlotte than New Haven and it's more transient, and half of the population there are transplants from other regions of the country. NY and NJ plates can be seen EVERYWHERE over there. I appreciate the mix of northern and southern culture. Makes things interesting. And, the gay population in Charlotte is about three times that of greater New Haven. Not to mention, the cost of living is WAY less, which works well for a single person. It would free up $9,000 a year in disposable income for me, therefore allowing me to spend more money on flights to visit family in CT! I also found the area to be more gay friendly than people would think. I openly admitted I was gay to a random shopper at Food Lion down there and she smiled and said I was cute and we had a good time chatting. My gay friends there are out with everyone and they never had an issue. It's also not as conservative as people think. I mean, the metro area as a whole voted in favor of Barack Obama. The climate is ideal for me, too. Four seasons with an emphasis on summer, mild winters, and mountains nearby for hiking. That's when I crossed Florida off the list. I have friends in the area, and this guy is looking for a roommate for just $500 a month in his brand new house. It would make it easier for me to get started up and look for a job. Plus, the industries in Charlotte are matched closely with my background in financial services and utility industries. Duke Energy is the largest utility in America. Bank of America is also headquartered there, among other companies. I'm not crazy about the sprawl, but no place is perfect, right? I'm sure it will take some time to adjust to the culture, too. But it just seems like it would work better for a young single gay person who is business minded and favors quality of life over nightlife and partying. I'm just glad that I know the pros and cons and have realistic expectations, if I do decide to move there.

Otherwise, New Haven / Milford is the choice for me.

My decision will be made within a day or two. What do you guys think?

As a fellow lesbian I don't suggest moving to NC they are not very gay friendly and the south states don't seem to be willing to open their minds to us. I would suggest staying near your family as you never know how long you have with them. I don't suggest living in New Haven maybe close to it. I live in Hamden. Good Luck

[Stylo]

Originally Posted by nep321

Today I drove down to the New Haven area just to assist me in my decision, and decided to drive around and check it out. I would say I'm indifferent to the area. Although, it seems slightly more run down than the Hartford area. It's also a smaller area, with most of the population situated directly along the coast. As soon as you go 5+ miles inland, New Haven county becomes quite rural/suburban. The next urban areas, really, are way up in Meriden or out in Waterbury, Ansonia and Derby.....none of which are desirable areas to live in, quite frankly. If I were to live near New Haven, I'd go with Milford, Hamden, West Haven, East Haven, North Haven or Branford. But I'm beginning to wonder if it would really be a significant lifestyle improvement over Hartford County.

I'm sorry, but driving around the NH area a bit isn't enough to make the conclusions that you have. It is no more "run down" than the Hartford area. Like that area, it really depends on where you go. Woodbridge is to Avon as West Haven is to Manchester.

[nep321]

Originally Posted by Stylo

I'm sorry, but driving around the NH area a bit isn't enough to make the conclusions that you have. It is no more "run down" than the Hartford area. Like that area, it really depends on where you go. Woodbridge is to Avon as West Haven is to Manchester.

I've already been through all of those other towns in the rest of New Haven county. New Haven county is also less affluent than Hartford county, with the median household income being about $5,000 lower.

[RogerAnthony]

You are nearly 30 and you spend your entire time hemming and hawing at your parents' house. You are going to end up 50 and living with them if you don't just get up and try to make something happen. Right now it seems that anywhere would be a step up for you.

[Tetto]

Originally Posted by RogerAnthony

You are nearly 30 and you spend your entire time hemming and hawing at your parents' house. You are going to end up 50 and living with them if you don't just get up and try to make something happen. Right now it seems that anywhere would be a step up for you.

Yes, this! C'mon Nep, don't focus on how many "gays per sq mile"; find a place you like for the weather and job opportunities and do it! My god, I've never seen anything like this; I hope you're not this indecisive in your career...

[Stratford, Ct. Resident]

Originally Posted by Tetto

C'mon Nep, don't focus on how many "gays per sq mile".

Now that i think about it, maybe he should focus on areas of the country that have the lowest percentage of gays? I'd have to think they would be more aggressive about finding a partner in the lessor populated locations.

[Tetto]

Originally Posted by Stratford, Ct. Resident

Now that i think about it, maybe he should focus on areas of the country that have the lowest percentage of gays? I'd have to think they would be more aggressive about finding a partner in the lessor populated locations.

Not a bad way of looking at it; probably find a higher quality dude and not a "promiscuous one"...