Good places to live for the "Non-Stereotypical" Black dude (living in, suburbs)

[ckhthankgod]

Originally Posted by quantumx

But he is younger than many of us and is still working that out. It was a long time ago for me, but I remember how complicated it was and how hard it is to find the strength to be you when so many people are telling you that you can't be you and that there is something wrong with you.

Good point and that is something to take in consideration.

[quantumx]

Originally Posted by ckhthankgod

Good point and that is something to take in consideration.

When I was around his age is when I moved from Jacksonville, Florida to Los Angeles for all the same reasons and more. It does help to have a safer place to work things out. I grew up in an environment that almost destroyed me. Justcause seems to be only able to feel his own pain. I feel Fairfaxian's pain, and there is nothing ridiculous about it.

[Do a Barrel Roll]

Originally Posted by quantumx

I'm sorry this thread causes so much pain for you, and I can't say this is a thread I would have created myself, but I understand all too well where he is coming from. What is painful about it to me is that someone would still find a need to start a discussion like this in this day and age. As has often been said, the more things change, the more they stay the same. I'm considerably older than Fairfaxian. He is not only young enough to be my son, but he could be one of my youngest sons, and having had many similar circumstances in my own life, I certainly feel where he is coming from. And because I anticipated encountering this sort of reaction from somebody like you is one of the reasons I suggested to him that we discuss this privately.

Thanks for taking a considerable amount of concern into this post and seeing where I'm coming from. I also understand what people like chkthankgod and others are saying about being confident in one's self. Although that is something I could use a little work on, it doesn't help if 90 percent of the population around you is belittling you, either for being black, or for not being black enough. Generally, I really don't care about what others think about my skin color or having a GF outside my race, but it really helps when I can look back and concentrate on friends and GFs. If I had a better social life, I wouldn't really care as much of what people outside that group thinks.

Originally Posted by quantumx

When I was around his age is when I moved from Jacksonville, Florida to Los Angeles for all the same reasons and more. It does help to have a safer place to work things out. I grew up in an environment that almost destroyed me. Justcause seems to be only able to feel his own pain. I feel Fairfaxian's pain, and there is nothing ridiculous about it.

This is exactly what I'm looking for, a "Good/better place to live for the non-stereotypical black dude." Not the "Perfect place to live for the non-stereotypical black dude." I realize if moved to cities like Denver, Seattle, San Diego, Houston, and Austin, I would still face an amount of racial prejudice and interracial prejudice. However, since these cities are known to being more open-minded to clean-cut and non-ghetto black dudes, I would have a better chance and less social barriers to establish a social circle. And when that social life comes into fruition, I can focus my concentrations on more important things. And with the assurance of having people in my defense, I would care less of any form of prejudices.

[ckhthankgod]

[quote=The_Fairfaxian;12189366]Thanks for taking a considerable amount of concern into this post and seeing where I'm coming from. I also understand what people like chkthankgod and others are saying about being confident in one's self. Although that is something I could use a little work on, it doesn't help if 90 percent of the population around you is belittling you, either for being black, or for not being black enough. Generally, I really don't care about what others think about my skin color or having a GF outside my race, but it really helps when I can look back and concentrate on friends and GFs. If I had a better social life, I wouldn't really care as much of what people outside that group thinks.


This is exactly what I'm looking for, a "Good/better place to live for the non-stereotypical black dude." Not the "Perfect place to live for the non-stereotypical black dude." I realize if moved to cities like Denver, Seattle, San Diego, Houston, and Austin, I would still face an amount of racial prejudice and interracial prejudice. However, since these cities are known to being more open-minded to clean-cut and non-ghetto black dudes, I would have a better chance and less social barriers to establish a social circle. And when that social life comes into fruition, I can focus my concentrations on more important things. And with the assurance of having people in my defense, I would care less of any form of prejudices.[/quote/]

You might like college towns as well, since they tend to be more open to various people too. Places like Berkeley, Ann Arbor, Madison and Ithaca, as well as those like them come to mind. Personally, Madison I feel is a big sleeper.

As far as bigger cities, Minneapolis and Columbus might be good fits too. Again, I feel Columbus gets underrated, especially in regards to educated Black folks.

[quantumx]

Several years ago, a Latin coworker, who had just found a black boyfriend, asked me if I dated outside my race. I had trouble answering the question at first because it was a completely foreign concept to me. I didn't have a concept for dating inside my race because I've never looked at things that way. I see individuals first and what is unique and different about a particular individual, then whatever their race is or whatever culture they come from, which is also a part of who they are. I'm not into white skin, blond hair, or tan lines as some kind of fetish. In fact, when I was in my 20s, I won the "Show Us Your Tan Line" contest at the Copa in Fort Lauderdale 3 times. Also, on the other end of the spectrum, I'm turned off by white people who seem to be into dark skin and black music and culture as some of fetish because they find someone like me disappointing. I'm not very dark, I like classic rock and classical music, and I don't speak in the vernacular. I speak with better grammar and diction than most white people, so these white people are left wondering "Where's my black guy?" Sorry to disappoint you, this mulatto-looking thing with the short kinky hair standing in front of you who speaks English better than you do. It wasn't easy finding the strength to be me especially when many of the labels people had for me simply didn't apply, and being unique can be a very lonely place, but the strength I've built up over all these years has become my companion. I won't ever try to snuff it out again the way I did when I was 17, and I won't let anybody else snuff it out either.

[Sanis]

Originally Posted by justcause

I'm sorry, but I find this discussion painfully ridiculous, and the content full of pandering. "Non-stereotypical black dude?" Really, now.

I find your comment painfully ridiculous.


I am glad this topic was created. There are people, such as myself, who are very interested in this subject.

[quantumx]

Originally Posted by Sanis

I am glad this topic was created. There are people, such as myself, who are very interested in this subject.

Yes, considering Fairfaxian said this on page 5 on 12/21/2009 and here on 12/28/2009 we are on page 10.

Originally Posted by The_Fairfaxian

First thing I want to say is wow, how did this get revived after two years? Not that I'm upset about it.

I just happened to stumble onto the thread. I wasn't even looking for something like this, but I'm glad I did because I know how to talk to guys like Fairfaxian because this was me when I was his age. Sadly, he is having issues similar to the ones I had which I think is a sad commentary on our society because of how little things have changed in the course of a whole generation, but I know how to help him work it out. There are very few people who can comprehend where he is coming from the way I can.

Fairfaxian, if you read my DM to you, then you know how difficult it got for me. I hinted at it in my preceding post, so I want to keep any other younger man from having to go through what I went through.

[The Dissenter]

Originally Posted by justcause

I'm sorry, but I find this discussion painfully ridiculous, and the content full of pandering. "Non-stereotypical black dude?" Really, now.

You may find this stupid, but not every black person's life revolves around "being black." For these types, we want our best place too. I live in the DC area like the OP and I fully assure you his concerns and experiences are valid b/c I have a few of them myself.

[justcause]

Originally Posted by quantumx

I'm sorry this thread causes so much pain for you, and I can't say this is a thread I would have created myself, but I understand all too well where he is coming from. What is painful about it to me is that someone would still find a need to start a discussion like this in this day and age. As has often been said, the more things change, the more they stay the same. I'm considerably older than Fairfaxian. He is not only young enough to be my son, but he could be one of my youngest sons, and having had many similar circumstances in my own life, I certainly feel where he is coming from. And because I anticipated encountering this sort of reaction from somebody like you is one of the reasons I suggested to him that we discuss this privately.

Somebody like me? You know absolutely nothing about me and my orientation towards issues like this, so spare me.

[justcause]

Originally Posted by Sanis

I find your comment painfully ridiculous.

And, why is that of any concern to me?

I am glad this topic was created. There are people, such as myself, who are very interested in this subject.

Good. That doesn't negate what I said, however.