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I guess I don't get the 'keeping up' part. There are certain people I know I will never keep up with and I'm fine with that. If we move to hingham one day I'll just be happy to have my kids in a good school system and i think the town is beautiful so id be happy with my surroundings. I could care less about who has more.
This is my attitude as well. I live in a three bedroom, 1500 square foot ranch. Because my income can be so variable, we live below our means, but even if we maxed out what we could borrow, we still wouldn't be in 3000 square foot colonial. And you know what? I have never once felt judged for where I live. Maybe people are judging, but if they are, I can't be bothered to notice. We're happy. We have great, down to earth friends, many of who are similar to us financially, but some of who make tons of money. My kids are in an amazing school. The town is gorgeous. There are absolutely snobby people here but good lord, the OP makes it sound like lord of the flies or something.
I just wanted to add words of support for Hingham-X. I get it. The people with whom you surround yourself no longer have (or maybe never had?) the values that you find important. There's nothing wrong with looking for another area that provides the same amenities you are accustomed to with hopes that the attitude of the area is more in line with your values. I hope you are able to find that, or at least find a new group of friends in Hingham. It's hard to feel comfortable when you are constantly encountering situations that you feel are cringeworthy. The example you gave about the restaurant? Embarrassing. I would've had a difficult time continuing conversation with my dining companions and would've also been re-evaluating my level of respect for them. Children receiving large sums of money and expensive gifts? That's all well and good until the gift you show up with for that child is looked upon as being ungenerous because you spent what you feel is an appropriate amount of money on that child. As much as you don't want to keep up with the Joneses, the fact that everyone around you does want to puts you in an awkward position at times. Best of luck!
I was with a group of couple friends and we all went to a local restaurant bar after an event one evening. After a while there I realized the place was empty except for our large group. I glanced toward the kitchen area and saw a whole group of exhausted looking employees waiting for us to leave.
“Guys, we have to go! This place is closing now. Look, we are keeping these people from going home”. The men looked at the workers and said, “F*** them! They can wait”. The others all agreed and called the bartender for another round. One of the wives turned to me and said, “Why do you worry about stupid things like that? You waste a lot of energy”. I felt uncomfortable. I didn’t say anything else.
This is they type of thing I am constantly experiencing in Hingham. I feel different than other people here. As we have aged and everyone has made a lot of money I notice it more and more.
Unlike those other Higham people, it sounds like you possess a conscience and you are capable of feeling empathy.
Keeping up with the jones is nice as a concept but the reality is it dies out.
Like someone said that's "new money". New money and old money are different
I heard a odd saying that people go to higher ed so their grandchildren can go snowboarding!
Now here's the thing I used to be into all technolgy back in the 80's and 90's. I was the guy that usually bought something within the first few months if not weeks when it came out. #^$# it now.
Why?
Because EVERYTHING drops in value. Take a finance class or accounting class. The vast majority of possessions drop in value. Why buy new?
Do you need a house to get into a school system? Not really. Just rent
here's another bit. Public housing in Mass is changing from a local list to a state list. What's this mean? It means that if you thought you could convince the housing authority to leave out certain types of people...you can't. This is exempt from many zoning laws. So you will see more people of color, more people of different religions, more people that are second language learners and more that are disabled (ADA for starters).
Here's another. In a world of standardized tests and increasing online learning the location of a school doesn't really matter anymore. Do you think algebra is any different from one school to another when they have to use the state rather than local standards? Higher spending per student does not exactly mean better grades or a better school. Yes there is and there should be a always be a floor but even then the parents make much of this up. Online videos and classes quickly are replacing some tutors as so much can be done online. Heck I just saw an opening teaching English in Asia (14-19/hr)...online. It's in real time and with the time shift about 12/13 hours. How long is it going to take before some other teachers start doing that for other subject but doing the reverse?
To be frank Higham can't have it both ways. You can't say you want a rich and affluent area but yet have a state route though it and so many take a government sponsored boat ride into boston.
There's quite a number of places that might seem elite but frankly they aren't. Phillips Academy sounds great as a top prepschool and feeder school for Harvard. Until you realize that the teachers get paid as much if not less than people at Walmart! I have a few licenses myself and they bragged about a fellowship at 30K! Granted they give you housing and free food but still.
As for prepping for high ed again it isn't that hard to be begin with. I remember some bragging about being in higher leveled classes in high school to get college credit. Uh how hard is that if a CLEP or DSST test can do that in less than a month?!?
Lastly ownership is fading when you can just have it temporarily. In a era of spotify why bother owning music? In a era of steam why bother owning a ton of video games and game systems? Why bother owning dvd's when there's amazon prime and netflix? If you like a sport that's fine but again it's just a sport. You don't get extra points here.
I'll leave you with a 80's song
"Shelter Me" by Cinderella
Everybody needs a little place they can hide
Somewhere to call their own
Don't let nobody inside
Every now and then we all need to let go
For some it's a doctor, for me it's rock and roll
For some it's a bottle
For some it's a pill
Some people read the Bible cause it's givin' them a thrill
I was one to figure if they don't like what they see
If you live in a glass house don't be throwing rocks at me
[Chorus]
We all need a little shelter
Just a little helper to get us by
We all need a little shelter
Just a little helper ohhh and it'll be alright
Check out Mr. Politician in his suit and tie
But when the doors are closed there ain't nothing he won't try
Meanwhile Mr. Medicine's treating his best friend's wife
Tipper led the war against the record industry
She said she saw the devil on her MTV
To look into the cabinet it takes more than a key
Just like Jimmy's skeleton's and his ministry
[Chorus]
For some it's a needle for some it's pill
Some people read the Bible cause it's giving them a thrill
You can spend your money before you get your pay
With a toss of the dice you can **** it all away
Thanks for all your comments, suggestions, opinions, and advice. In the original post I think I was hoping that someone would say, "Hey, come to xxx-town where I live. Everyone is friendly and nice, the place is beautiful, and we all think just like you." Maybe it exists, maybe not. Maybe you have to create it wherever you go and with whomever you choose for your friends.
We spent the day looking at property and poking around Ipswich and looked at a townhouse in Dorchester.
It's a transitional time for us trying to figure out what to do with kids leaving and realizing now they they are never going to be moving back home. The years have flown by. You're so thrilled to make the last Wilder payment (local nursery school), and the next thing you know, you're buying them a frame for the grad school diploma. They come home for Christmas and you notice the empty space on your bookshelves where the last of their J-Fiction and Harry Potter books were kept. Suddenly no one seems friendly. Everyone is moving quickly, driving fast, running. Hot yoga. Empty rooms. Extra dishes. Silent piano. Friends move. Friends die. Basket of Playmobile people all in a jumble, like a buttons. They used to be so active, so animated. They had a vibrant life. They are dead now. Kids are rude and spoiled. Are yours? Maybe, maybe not. They are not rude. They are kind. They are good. They are generous. They care. Sensitive. Like you. They may be spoiled. You do the best you can with your time and resources. Your very best. The best of the best. Making choices. All the while avoiding burdening them with premature affluence that may someday incapacitate them to find the resources within themselves to make it on their own. And then they do. They can. And they are gone. And you are alone. Not really. But there is a little velveteen bunny on a shelf beside it's book which was left behind. And soon you become that bunny...left behind. Lost. And your wonderful town becomes just horrific. Over Christmas. Just awful. It happens that fast.
I actually love Hingham. I did. I do. I don't. I'm lost. I don't feel at home here now. I guess that is why I'm unhappy. I just realized it. Today. Actually, right this minute. Right now.
If you've read this far and you're still following I want to share this song with you. It's called "Home" by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros.
Thanks for all your comments, suggestions, opinions, and advice. In the original post I think I was hoping that someone would say, "Hey, come to xxx-town where I live. Everyone is friendly and nice, the place is beautiful, and we all think just like you." Maybe it exists, maybe not. Maybe you have to create it wherever you go and with whomever you choose for your friends.
We spent the day looking at property and poking around Ipswich and looked at a townhouse in Dorchester.
It's a transitional time for us trying to figure out what to do with kids leaving and realizing now they they are never going to be moving back home. The years have flown by. You're so thrilled to make the last Wilder payment (local nursery school), and the next thing you know, you're buying them a frame for the grad school diploma. They come home for Christmas and you notice the empty space on your bookshelves where the last of their J-Fiction and Harry Potter books were kept. Suddenly no one seems friendly. Everyone is moving quickly, driving fast, running. Hot yoga. Empty rooms. Extra dishes. Silent piano. Friends move. Friends die. Basket of Playmobile people all in a jumble, like a buttons. They used to be so active, so animated. They had a vibrant life. They are dead now. Kids are rude and spoiled. Are yours? Maybe, maybe not. They are not rude. They are kind. They are good. They are generous. They care. Sensitive. Like you. They may be spoiled. You do the best you can with your time and resources. Your very best. The best of the best. Making choices. All the while avoiding burdening them with premature affluence that may someday incapacitate them to find the resources within themselves to make it on their own. And then they do. They can. And they are gone. And you are alone. Not really. But there is a little velveteen bunny on a shelf beside it's book which was left behind. And soon you become that bunny...left behind. Lost. And your wonderful town becomes just horrific. Over Christmas. Just awful. It happens that fast.
I actually love Hingham. I did. I do. I don't. I'm lost. I don't feel at home here now. I guess that is why I'm unhappy. I just realized it. Today. Actually, right this minute. Right now.
If you've read this far and you're still following I want to share this song with you. It's called "Home" by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros.
Hingham-X, I was thinking about your posts RE Hingham. I live in a pretty affluent town. I don't think the people here are showy in terms of money or gifts, but then again, I don't care to notice. I realize that I am at a point in my life where I am too busy to care.
I can understand the point you are at and hope you find happiness- whether in Hingham or in another town. Perhaps it's time for you and your husband to start planning trips, maybe you can do some volunteer work, or take up a new hobby.
My life now is a whirlwind of activity, much of which is focused around my kids. Once they grow up, I too will have to find my new focus. I have to admit it sounds luxurious now to think about reading a novel in full, or being able to visit a proper museum, but I imagine when they are gone for good it is much different. I wish you the best of luck!
Thanks for all your comments, suggestions, opinions, and advice. In the original post I think I was hoping that someone would say, "Hey, come to xxx-town where I live. Everyone is friendly and nice, the place is beautiful, and we all think just like you." Maybe it exists, maybe not. Maybe you have to create it wherever you go and with whomever you choose for your friends.
We spent the day looking at property and poking around Ipswich and looked at a townhouse in Dorchester.
It's a transitional time for us trying to figure out what to do with kids leaving and realizing now they they are never going to be moving back home. The years have flown by. You're so thrilled to make the last Wilder payment (local nursery school), and the next thing you know, you're buying them a frame for the grad school diploma. They come home for Christmas and you notice the empty space on your bookshelves where the last of their J-Fiction and Harry Potter books were kept. Suddenly no one seems friendly. Everyone is moving quickly, driving fast, running. Hot yoga. Empty rooms. Extra dishes. Silent piano. Friends move. Friends die. Basket of Playmobile people all in a jumble, like a buttons. They used to be so active, so animated. They had a vibrant life. They are dead now. Kids are rude and spoiled. Are yours? Maybe, maybe not. They are not rude. They are kind. They are good. They are generous. They care. Sensitive. Like you. They may be spoiled. You do the best you can with your time and resources. Your very best. The best of the best. Making choices. All the while avoiding burdening them with premature affluence that may someday incapacitate them to find the resources within themselves to make it on their own. And then they do. They can. And they are gone. And you are alone. Not really. But there is a little velveteen bunny on a shelf beside it's book which was left behind. And soon you become that bunny...left behind. Lost. And your wonderful town becomes just horrific. Over Christmas. Just awful. It happens that fast.
I actually love Hingham. I did. I do. I don't. I'm lost. I don't feel at home here now. I guess that is why I'm unhappy. I just realized it. Today. Actually, right this minute. Right now.
If you've read this far and you're still following I want to share this song with you. It's called "Home" by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros.
Good luck, Hingham X. Sounds like you've realized you are are looking outward to find what is troubling you because you are in such inward turmoil. I know there are some great organizations you can get involved with and find a purpose. Here is one. You will find kindred spirit here.
On another note it's very odd that the guy just released by the Iranian government is from hingham and now there is also a missing marine from hingham.
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