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My brother is in financial trouble and now he needs $3500 to turn the power back on in his home.
He had not paid the bill over the longest time and got a winter hardship while they could not shut off his power due to the cold weather law. With penalties it is now $3500 to turn the power back on.
Last time he got into financial trouble he nearly lost his only family car when the bank said he has a few hours to catch up on his payments or they would tow the car away.
Growing up I never had anything to do with this brother. Now as an adult he generally does not speak to me and he lives 400 miles away so we only see each other on Christmas. I don't remember ever having a real conversation with him.
When he borrowed money from me last time he stopped paying me after a few small payments and would not acknowledge me when I asked him about his debt.
Now that he needs even more money he is smart enough to not ask me directly, he has our father to do the dirty work. My father said I owe him help because he is desperate and I am the only person who has the money in the family to save his family of five from living in the dark.
Do I really owe it to him to bail him out again because he is family and my wife and I have money?
Do it. He'll be in your debt, which is its own perverse pleasure.
My dad would not speak with his brother forever (distance plus different personalities), but then I took a road trip, and he put me up for awhile. Now they're alot closer.
No you do not have a responsibility. However, if you have funds that are not needed and wish to make a gift you should consider if such a gift would be more appropriate than other possible uses of the money.
They overnighted the bill and shut off notice to us and it is interesting reading. Somehow they had not paid the bill for months without a shut off and then when they scheduled a shut off they were able to fight it back via a number of administrative and personal appeals. Then winter came and they got a cold weather delay due to State Law. Then when Spring came and the Electric Company wanted to shut down their power again, and cold do it legally, my brother submitted some fake paperwork saying there was an old elderly person living there who had health issues and that delayed it somewhat until they needed more proof. Finally the electric company just went ahead and cut the power.
My father is desperate to get this taken care of because they plan to move the whole family into his home, a small 1950s era rambler. With the hot weather here living in a home without power is not to pleasant to say the least.
Stop thinking about it. Just tell them you just can't do it, that you have bills of your own to take care of. They didnt pay the bill for months? Sounds like they spent a lot of effort, and maybe money, fighting not paying it instead of just freakin paying their bill!!
Let them make arrangements with the electric company to pay the bill back. What would they do if you werent around? They'd have to make do somehow. Reread your first post as if someone else wrote it, what would you tell them to do?
You & your spouse are the only people who can do some soul-searching to decide whether or not to pay the bill for them. If your family is so immature that your not paying the bill would ruin family harmony, are they really people you want to spend that much time with anyway? You do have a choice, you know. The peace, harmony, & well being of my own home come first - we have made choices about which extended family members to spend time with, or limit time with, to preserve that for ourselves.
I'm not saying limiting contact is the thing to do, but wanted to remind you, it is an option. YOU are living your life, no one else is.
In most areas, there are agencies & charities that help with utility bills. Most of them are stretched to their limit these days, but they will also negotiate payment plans with utilities for their clients, and pay part of the bill, if they can't pay the whole thing. Your sibling giving the electric company fraudulent information to avoid paying the bill might gum up that process for them, though. It might be worth checking out. The United Way will know of helping agencies, if you're in the US.
The amount of family obligation you truly have is up to you & your spouse to decide - no one else can determine that for you.
The high school senior going over the edge due to not having power makes no rational sense to me.
Get quiet in your own heart, and the action to take will become clear to you. Take that action, and don't rethink it.
Some folks say no, because the asking would never end. It would end, if you never gave again after this. Giving now in no way obligates you to give again.
Whether you give or not, your brother has his own path. You can't know if giving will continue his irresponsibility, or if he's sick of living this way and is ready to change.
Some folks say yes, because he's family, and your dad is family. Again - you decide what that means *for you*.
If your dad is moving them into a house, the power could be put into someone else's name, like your dad's. Whoever did that would be foolish to do so, IMO, but again - options, choices.
If I had the money, and it was not needed by us (my kids & me), I would probably pay the bill, but I am me and you are you. I'd want to see his budget & his plan to pay his own bills in the future, and know he was at least thinking of those things.
It would be a gift, not a loan.
Last edited by CharlotteGal; 06-14-2013 at 05:31 AM..
Now that he needs even more money he is smart enough to not ask me directly, he has our father to do the dirty work. My father said I owe him help because he is desperate and I am the only person who has the money in the family to save his family of five from living in the dark.
Tell your father that he owes you for shaming you with such a leech of a sibling!
It's worth seeing if he can get the electric company to enter into a reasonable repayment agreement.
There are at least two possibilities:
1. He's not paying his current bills, so if you pay the back bill he has now he'll be back in this same position in no time.
2. If you give him the money he can pay his current bills in full and make payments to you on what he owes you.
If he has the money to start repaying what he owes you he should be able to pay the current bills and make payments to the electric company on the arrearage.
We don't know anything about the rest of his financial circumstances, but he might be well advised to talk to an attorney about a bankruptcy to get out from under whatever other debt he can't pay.
This is a tough one, because of the kids. If it weren't for them, I'd agree with the majority here who say "No way" to bailing brother out.
This is one of those situations where if you give a man to fish, he'll eat for a day (and then he's going to keep asking for more fish.) But if you teach a man to fish, he'll eat for life. Is there any way to guide your brother to self-sufficiency? Or is there any way to help the kids without enabling your brother to continue being a leech?
So you basically will pay for family harmony at Christmas? What's next - a $5000 bill for gas? Or next after that? It will just keep going until you are out of money and can no longer afford to pay to have a family. Then you will be dropped. All the while, he will just think you are a sucker. Here's a quick answer - "We no longer have the money." What is difficult about that?
NEVER tell people "especially family" when you come into money, EVER!
We are not talking about $350 or even $500 hundred dollars. We are talking THOUSANDS of dollars. Thousands of dollars that you will NEVER see back again.
I would tell "dad" to stay out of your affairs and that your brother is a grown ass man with a family so he can ask himself. None of this false "pride" crap either. He has no pride, especially if he has failed to pay his bills and needs to ask for a hand out. Nothing wrong with a hand out but don't give me this false pride garbage when you're the one asking for THOUSANDS of dollars to pay bills.
Also, IF I were to consider this, it would NOT be "free". Since your dad is sticking his neck out for your brother and into your business then dad will be responsible as a co-signer to pay back his debt.
Tell dad that you are not giving away thousands of dollars for free. Tell him that it will be a LOAN. If your brother does not pay back the loan then DAD "since he got involved" will be responsible for paying it back.
MAYBE if you are feeling generous, you can give $1000 towards the bill but THAT'S it! So he has to pay back $2,500.
Sorry, but business is business. Take it or leave it. If they want to give crap then say they don't have to take the offer and you are being generous by even offering to to pay down almost half the debt and give a loan.
This is why money ruins relationships and why you should keep how much you have to yourself.
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