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Oh you hid in the UK? Figures. That nation is spiraling downward almost as fast as the USA. Notice how "United" is code for no longer for native people or containing native culture. Crime and poverty infested.
Uhhhh, no, I didn't HIDE anywhere. And I didn't live in the UK - my daughter currently does however. We actually lived in GERMANY for three years.
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How does it feel to have children and grandchildren that look or feel nothing like you?
This is THE most ridiculous question I've fielded so far. This calls for (drum roll) MORE PICTURES!
This is my husband with one of "our" granddaughters (I've been divorced from my kids' dad for about twenty years and married to my current husband for nearly ten years.)
Gosh, I just don't know how I can possibly relate to this grandchild - she looks nothing like me...
Can't...relate...so...different...
OMG who are all these people? (My mom, one of my daughters and one of my granddaughters)
My dad and the only grandson, so far, and one of my sons in law:
Me with all my grandkids:
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How can you possibly relate or give them guidance on life when you faced completely different issues and circumstances?
You know what my little grandkids love about spending the night at MiMi's? After their dinner and baths, I tuck them into bed in the guestroom, which is filled with photos of THEIR parents and MY parents and me and my brothers as children. Their favorite thing for me to do then is to tell them stories about when their parents or when I was a kid. We talk about when I broke my arm (one of them recently severely sprained her elbow and had to wear a sling so she's fascinated by all that). We talk about how funny it was to teach their mom how to ride a bike. We talk about traveling through Europe and exploring all the old castles. We talk about their seafaring ancestors.
The other day, my oldest daughter was having some issues with HER oldest daughter, who is approaching adolescence, being sort of pouty and negative. So I got on the phone with my sweet little granddaughter and we talked for about half an hour, about how it feels to be a preteen, how it feels to be irritated with your mom (every girl that age can relate to that!), etc. Then I talked with her mom and recommended that just the two of them get dressed up cute, go buy some earrings or something like that together (they decided on shoe shopping), and then go to the coffee shop together - maybe once every couple of weeks. They've started doing that now and are getting along much better!
My parents love for me to come visit them, because I can hook them up with Skype and we get to talk with the kids and grandkids (their GREAT grandkids) overseas. The last conversation we had like that was about a month ago, and it lasted for over an hour. My parents really, really enjoyed the virtual tour of their house, and getting to "meet" their new kitten. The grandkids ran all over the place showing off their Christmas presents, especially the Playmobil and Leggo sets that they had assembled. They were so cute and excited about talking with their great grandparents and grandparents who they love so much!
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You might as well be their adopted or step mother.
You say that like it's a bad thing. Actually, my brother and two of my grandkids ARE adopted. So what? I can assure you that they are 100 percent a part of our family and we love and accept them as our own flesh and blood. And I have a lily white stepson who I love dearly - and who seems to love me back. It's all good!
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Looking at photos: I was completely right about being brown asians! You people are all the same. Leaching off other peoples hard working because you are lost and without a purpose.
Yeah, right. Hey, get this - we haven't gotten a tax REFUND in I don't know how long. The check we write to the IRS every April 15 is more than some Americans working full time make in a year. Don't talk to me about being a "taker" or leaching off the hard work of others. My family gives back generously to every community we live in.
That's how we roll.
Last edited by KathrynAragon; 02-26-2014 at 07:51 AM..
You know what else baffles me? How they think that anyone who is adventurous enough to embark on an interracial relationship, especially marriage and/or kids together, would be upset by the vulgar, racist rantings of a complete stranger on the internet - especially when the interracial family is so surrounded by love and joy in their real life. Obviously, in the OP's case, there is some tension with the inlaws, but why do I have the feeling that even if she was the whitest debutante in Charleston, she'd still have some issues with this absolutely clueless (and classless) mother in law?
OP - inlaw drama is common as dirt, as the whole genre of Mother In Law jokes testifies to. And controlling mothers trying to dominate their sons and feeling threatened by their daughters in law is another common scenario. In your case, her "gripe" happens to be racial, but honestly, it could be ANYTHING - she sounds like just the type.
She's the one losing out on the love of your children. I hope your husband can find the balance between some sort of relationship with his mother, and enforcing respect for, and protection of, his family. Most of all, I hope that you and your husband can deepen family relationships with OTHER family members so that your kids can enjoy the acceptance and affection that they so deserve. Please do not allow much interaction with their grandmother till she cleans up her act - if she ever does. And if she doesn't - well, then limit those interactions or cut them out altogether. That's my advice.
Cut these racists off completely. If your husband has family members, such as his father or cousins, who want to have contact with your entire family--husband, kids, and you--it's on them to make it happen.
As for his witch of a mother, cut her off completely.
Chillipepper is right. You will have to lead separate lives. Allow him to go to his family without you. Those who are opened minded towards your relationship can visit you. This will allow him to have the best of both worlds. It will also give you some peace as well.
I totally disagree with the bolded section. If my wife isn't good enough for you then neither am I.
He has to be firm with them, let them know that he will have nothing more to do with them unless they shape up, and then stick to it. He may resent them, but cutting off contact is less stressful than listening to their racism.
Cut these racists off completely. If your husband has family members, such as his father or cousins, who want to have contact with your entire family--husband, kids, and you--it's on them to make it happen.
As for his witch of a mother, cut her off completely.
I agree with the EMOTION of this post, but I also think that the OP AND her husband have the opportunity to reach out to the other family members and begin inviting them to family events, including them in regular interactions, etc. There's no harm in that in my opinion. If they don't respond positively, then take it from there, but there's nothing wrong with the OP and her husband making the first assertively friendly gestures to test the waters.
They can't control the actions or attitudes of others - they can only control their own.
This story is just depressing. Depressing to know that there are still such ignorant racists in this country. I'm white and my children are interracial (black and white) and luckily, racism is not an issue in my family. My parents accept my kids as their grandkids with no problem. Now I have plenty of other issues with my parents, but racism isn't one of them.
Divorce isn't the answer. That just shows your children that racism is in control. As long as you live in a loving, supportive environment where your children are appreciated for who they are, that's what matters.
You know what else baffles me? How they think that anyone who is adventurous enough to embark on an interracial relationship, especially marriage and/or kids together, would be upset by the vulgar, racist rantings of a complete stranger on the internet - especially when the interracial family is so surrounded by love and joy in their real life. Obviously, in the OP's case, there is some tension with the inlaws, but why do I have the feeling that even if she was the whitest debutante in Charleston, she'd still have some issues with this absolutely clueless (and classless) mother in law?
OP - inlaw drama is common as dirt, as the whole genre of Mother In Law jokes testifies to. And controlling mothers trying to dominate their sons and feeling threatened by their daughters in law is another common scenario. In your case, her "gripe" happens to be racial, but honestly, it could be ANYTHING - she sounds like just the type.
She's the one losing out on the love of your children. I hope your husband can find the balance between some sort of relationship with his mother, and enforcing respect for, and protection of, his family. Most of all, I hope that you and your husband can deepen family relationships with OTHER family members so that your kids can enjoy the acceptance and affection that they so deserve. Please do not allow much interaction with their grandmother till she cleans up her act - if she ever does. And if she doesn't - well, then limit those interactions or cut them out altogether. That's my advice.
?
Can you please explain this blanket statement? I was led to believe IR are normal/just like every other relationship but now you are stating only "Adventurous" people get involved in them? So those in NON-IR is are not adventurous?
Everything you mentioned occurred more than 1,000 years ago. After that tribes and people settled. People with Mongol mixture are looked down upon for that very reason. Correct all but blacks have atleast a small mixture of white in them.
Spread power =/= Sustain culture. Most Empires forbid romancing with slaves, which is why there isn't more Ottoman mixture in Southern Europe.
You recognize you would not be welcomed back to (Northern) Europe and must now remain in the USA?
Each region of the World is justified in upholding their native culture, society and race. Planet Earth is overwhelming homogeneous
Newsflash: Inter-racial marriage has been legal for over five decades now. Most people these days do not have a problem with it. Bigotry is far more looked down upon than anything mentioned in your post.
You know what else baffles me? How they think that anyone who is adventurous enough to embark on an interracial relationship, especially marriage and/or kids together, would be upset by the vulgar, racist rantings of a complete stranger on the internet - especially when the interracial family is so surrounded by love and joy in their real life. Obviously, in the OP's case, there is some tension with the inlaws, but why do I have the feeling that even if she was the whitest debutante in Charleston, she'd still have some issues with this absolutely clueless (and classless) mother in law?
OP - inlaw drama is common as dirt, as the whole genre of Mother In Law jokes testifies to. And controlling mothers trying to dominate their sons and feeling threatened by their daughters in law is another common scenario. In your case, her "gripe" happens to be racial, but honestly, it could be ANYTHING - she sounds like just the type.
She's the one losing out on the love of your children. I hope your husband can find the balance between some sort of relationship with his mother, and enforcing respect for, and protection of, his family. Most of all, I hope that you and your husband can deepen family relationships with OTHER family members so that your kids can enjoy the acceptance and affection that they so deserve. Please do not allow much interaction with their grandmother till she cleans up her act - if she ever does. And if she doesn't - well, then limit those interactions or cut them out altogether. That's my advice.
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Originally Posted by chessgeek
Newsflash: Inter-racial marriage has been legal for over five decades now. Most people these days do not have a problem with it. Bigotry is far more looked down upon than anything mentioned in your post.
And yet, bigotry and racism are very much alive.
What KathrynArragon said about MILs and the wives of their sons was so prominent in my first marriage because ........ get this ..........
I wasn't Catholic. I was Irish (half) which saved me somewhat, but I was treated much different than the other 3 DIL. Oh well. I was able to ignore it but then, my sons were very much accepted in the family. And for that, I'd deal with the small slights, etc.
I wasn't happy with my son's choice in his first wife; but neither of them knew this. I kept it to myself. It wasn't for anything about her that she could change; it was because she wasn't compatible with my son and I knew it meant they wouldn't be happy after a while. I was proved right, sadly. And I still keep in touch with and visit her and consider her a part of my family - after all, she's the mother of 2 of my grandchildren.
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