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I was referring to black women as compared to other minority group women,e.g. Jews, Asians who, are more socially accepted into white families thru interacial marriages. Same applies to black males.
Because Asians & Jews are even wealthier than whites (in the USA)
Quote:
Originally Posted by el_marto
why would you deal with them at all? They are not living in the same century as the rest of us. They aren't gonna change and you should consider people like that to be beneath you. You shouldn't feel the need to impress them, they're broken, brainwashed human beings. There's no reason why you should ever interact with them again.
"The rest of us"
- The overwhelming majority of this globe is homogeneous
- The overwhelming majority of this globe is NOT in support of same sex marriage (nor are most American states)
Turn off the American media rhetoric and realize you are still in the minority. You may disagree with their opinions but most of the world agrees with them. Your struggle is one of countless reasons why individuals of all races agree: It's easiest to stay within your own race/culture.
I'm not saying one is right and one is wrong. But that's the way it is in 2014.
A) Cope with it
B) Continue fighting it
We are a online community of black women married to white men. We have been there and done that.
We know the score.
Our community is unique in that both black women and white men actively participate so you get support for both sides of the equation. Don't go it alone. Lets talk.
Last edited by cattusbabe; 02-24-2014 at 02:40 AM..
Don't worry people tend to change once they get close to meeting their maker. As for the trust it has to be administered per the instructions of the trust. Now for the MIL. Grandkids usually can sooth a savage beast. If not then that grandparent is usually jus plain mean. That's their problem. There is no way you should consider a divorce because you married him so for those who can't handle it well ________ them and the horse they rode into town on. Just tell your husband you got his back and he can handle his family as he see fit. You both know the deal so just deal with it. No one said life will ever be perfect.
Oh my dear OP, I am so sorry you are in this situation. I have no advice to offer, just hugs to you and your family and hope that something will be able to be worked out. I agree with one poster, what year is this?????? I would hate that your family could be torn apart by such small minded, clueless and intolerant people!
Your husband needs therapy to help him learn to cope with his feelings about his family. He can't change them, but he can change how he reacts to them. Your family must come first. He needs to emotionally distance himself from his parents and aunt and learn how to not be so effected by what they do. Counseling can help him learn how to do that.
I'm sorry you are dealing with this. Although my husband and I are the same race, I have had to deal with a lot of stress with my husband and my family...they weren't that nice to him at first, he is older than me and they thought he'd eventually be the cause of me moving (which happened).
It is my husband that holds a grudge, not my parents. They try very hard, but 18 years later I still have to worry about him being polite when they visit (which is rare, we live far away). We went to see them over Christmas, husband stayed home (he had to work anyway). When we did live near, he rarely came to family functions, and that was fine with me...I was a basket case the whole time, even when he was "trying" to be nice. None of us enjoyed the gathering, including the kids who could sense the friction.
Eventually he has learned to respect them a little more as our children's Grandparents. Years ago I decided to stop fighting about it and leave him out of family stuff unless he volunteered to go. Yes, I was avoiding conflict, but it was worth it, I didn't feel I was about to go into battle every holiday. Doesn't mean my husband and I don't love each other less, but I wanted the visits to be about the kids and they weren't in that environment.
If you are uncomfortable, or it is a toxic environment for your children, then stop going. This is your life, not some political statement or war. You don't have to be united in every single thing just because you are married. You can't make him deal with his mother in a specific way, but you can control what you do.
Large happy extended family relationships can be nice, but the most important thing is your core family, that is all you really need.
Perhaps sending out a family Christmas Card, photo's included, to all of your MIL's family and country club friends would solve the issue.
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