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I'll tell you something else people should think about before jumping into ANY marriage - establishing healthy boundaries of respect WITH THEIR PARENTS and extended family. THIS is the problem here - not the interracial marriage between two people who love each other. The problem is that they have not agreed on a mutual plan to stand up to disrespect from inlaws. This scenario is common across all color lines.
I am so glad that my beautiful biracial daughter's very white husband's very white Midwestern parents are accepting and tolerant and not prejudiced. Because of their open and loving attitude, they get to have these beautiful people in their lives - my daughter and her adopted son, who is ANOTHER color! My daughter and her husband added this new skin tone to their family after they had three daughters together.
Their whole family together:
These are my two daughters, with their two husbands (one is straight up white boy from Iowa, and the other is Italian/Panamanian/Puerto Rican from the northeast) and their kids, and me. Look at all those happy little cousins! Look at those beautiful families! If someone chooses to miss out on all this love because they are freaked out by skin color differences or what their FRIENDS might think of it - it's their loss. We choose to be happy and can be happy without them.
THIS LOVE is the reason why people get married - and in the US, in the 21st century, people who love each other shouldn't have to cater to a few ignorant, prejudiced people - and in the process miss out on such rich joy and love and happiness in life! If the grandparents want to miss out - fine. Pity, really, but life can go on without that sort of ignorance and hatefulness - in fact, it's better without it.
Thankfully, my kids have great parents (me and my husband - woohoo! and the other parents involved) and great GRAND parents too - at least on one side. The other side has been slower to come around but even they haven't been able to resist these smiling faces and sweet little younguns.
Lovely family. To hell with anyone who has a problem with this. Luckily I might add, they are already there.
I was referring to black women as compared to other minority group women,e.g. Jews, Asians who, are more socially accepted into white families thru interacial marriages. Same applies to black males.
I'll tell you something else people should think about before jumping into ANY marriage - establishing healthy boundaries of respect WITH THEIR PARENTS and extended family. THIS is the problem here - not the interracial marriage between two people who love each other. The problem is that they have not agreed on a mutual plan to stand up to disrespect from inlaws. This scenario is common across all color lines.
Darn...gotta spread the reps around before giving it to KathrynAragon again. Good post as usual.
Quote:
Originally Posted by dorado0359
Something people should think about before jumping into interacial marriages...especially black women.
I understand how you feel like splitting is the only option, but in my opinion, that will mean that the MIL got her way and essentially "won". You have to stand up for yourself and what is right in the world. I believe in you, and wish you the best.
Absolutely do not do this. Your husband is fighting for you every step of the way. For him to lose you because you quit will destroy him. Stand with him.
[if you leave him he will not be at peace]
QFT.
Sorry about the awful family of inlaws. If my family of Origin had a problem with my wife, they would get a very short phone call or letter in the mail that stated they were no longer allowed to contact me or my wife, and then be ignored for the next decade.
Your husband is walking a difficult path. So long as he defends you, there is no reason to treat him with anything but love and respect. This is a man who stands up to the world, even his own family of origin, to show you love and respect.
I think it's time for your husband to grow a pair and lay down the law. "Objecting" to someone's hurtful and breathtakingly obnoxious behavior is NOT the same as saying, "Mom -- this is my family. When you say things like calling her the housekeeper and don't include her as part of our family, you aren't hurting her -- she's heard this crap before -- but you are hurting ME, your son. I will not subject my beloved wife and my wonderful kids to this constant rudeness. I understand if you can't accept it -- it hurts my heart that you can't -- but I am a married man and my wife comes first. So, Mom -- it comes down to this: Do you want me in your life? If so, you have to accept the entire package. If you can't, it will break my heart, but you need to decide if the incidental color of my wife's skin is worth losing your son over. Your choice."
Sorry to burst your bubble but this is not TV ,there are still alot of people that frown upon interracial relationships. You should of thought about the concequences before got involved.
Hahaha.
This is not TV! And apparently not a town over 10,000 in population either. Hahaha.
Location: When things get hot they expand. Im not fat. Im hot.
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Because you are NOT local they have been very good at shoving this under the rug so to speak.
IMO I think you and your kids need to make yourselves more visible. Once everybody knows you exist there will be no need to pretend you are the housekeeper. (Sheesh I cant believe that one.)
Maybe put an announcement in the paper celebrating something five year anniversary whatever with everybodies names and pictures. Make it a point to introduce yourself to MIL most gossipy friend. Perhaps FIL would help with introductions.
I suggest you read two things right away: 1) Toxic Inlaws by Susan Forward; and 2) the forums on Stormfront, a racist forum for white nationalists. These two resources will help you to have an idea of what you area dealing with. The Stormfront is to help accept that racism really does still exist in America. I found reading Stormfront very educational. I warn you that those forums can be very upsetting, so let me summarize -- they hate inter-racial relationships (now I can spare you from having to read it unless you want to).
So -- assuming that's the case -- so what? That's where Susan Forward's book comes in. Because there are all kinds of horrible inlaws with various excuses for being horrible to their child's spouse and trying to break up the marriage. The book provides strategies for dealing with horrible inlaws.
Toxic Inlaws is highly recommended.
One other book choice may interest your husband is the companion book "Toxic Parents". Good luck with this situation. Here is a link to Susan Forward's website, the book is around the middle of the page. http://www.susanforward.com/author.htm
Last edited by treasuremapper; 02-23-2014 at 10:54 AM..
Reason: to add link
First of all, I am so sorry to hear about what your MIL and husband's aunt are putting you through.
Please do not leave your husband. Your husband loves you and has chosen to make a life with you. When you took your marriage vows, you became each other's first priority. You and your girls are his family now. As you know, he is going through a heart-wrenching time now. This is a situation he was not prepared for, and is struggling to handle. He needs you by his side. Be there for him with understanding.
That said, your husband must draw a line in the sand as far as his mother's outrageous behavior toward you and your children are concerned. He must confront her and insist on respect for you and your children.
I also think your husband, you, and your children should never again visit or take phone calls from your MIL and the aunt. They're trying to manipulate him with stress and the moneybag over his head. But the two you don't need them, so there is no reason to put up with their nonsense.
Don't ever let anyone come between you and your family.
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