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Your husbands family includes you and your children now. If the extended family doesn't like this and are being hostile toward you for it, cut ties with them. They're the ones that will be missing out. Let them stew in it. Fill your lives with people who will love you and can get past the color of your skin and your mixed family.
1: Blood means NOTHING. Conduct and character are all that matter.
2: All relatives who are behaving badly should be written off and never talked to again.
3: Screw the money. Let them shove it where it belongs. You make whatever money you need to raise your kids to adulthood. After that, let them make their own money.
4: If this is an inherently gossipy red-neck family where the good ones talk to and about the bad ones, minimize contact with everyone. You husband shouldn't be talking to his family all that much anyway. A couple of holiday calls here and there that should last 15 minutes. Then it's done.
I hate to say it, but the fact that this is a problem is your husband's fault. He doesn't have to involve himself with these lowbrows; he is choosing that behavior. Nobody needs evil family members. Trash them! Stop visiting them. Stop talking to them. Stop talking about them. When someone brings one of them up, tell that family member that the subject of any of the evil family members is off limits and of less than no interest.
Fantastic! The advice on this thread keeps getting better with each post. Misery loves company. Don't be their company. They are miserable people.
Sorry to burst your bubble but this is not TV ,there are still alot of people that frown upon interracial relationships. You should of thought about the concequences before got involved.
If you feel that the "only solution" is to allow him to have a separate life with his family w/o judgement, then how is the OP supposed to let him know that is what he can do without talking to him?
It is a marriage... and there's something that deeply affecting both of them in different ways. Of course they need to talk about it. The problem is he is handling it bad. They cannot control the MIL and Aunt, they can only control themselves. Why is he taking the admonishment phone calls, engaging in arguments? He already knows their position, knows they don't want to deviate from it and will use any measure to punish him (and his family) for bucking the fold. He needs to either cut off his family, not engage with his mother nor aunt (or their tactics) but only be around those who "accept" them... whatever.
As it is, the whole family sounds awful, even the harmless ones... I wonder what the OP's husband gets out of associating with such weak characters who won't even do right by him?
It would be nice if life were that simple. Despite their prejudices, he loves his family. He is in the middle. If he was not close to his family, this would not be an issue. It is pointless to continue to cry about it. He knows. She knew what she was getting into when she married and had children with this man. Her in laws will never change. It is not his or her job to make them racially tolerant. I watched a woman go through this for 10 years. I do not know who she is anymore. It wears on you and breaks you down. The "best" solution is acceptance and to stay away. The children can forge good relationships with family members on their mother's side. If the family members on their father side are interested, they will seek her and the children out. Unless he was trying to stick it to his mother, he loved her enough to marry her. Marriage is about compromise and sacrifice.
Sorry to burst your bubble but this is not TV ,there are still alot of people that frown upon interracial relationships. You should of thought about the concequences before got involved.
Is that all you've got?
OP, you've got some great advice here, the most important, in my eyes, is NOT to leave your husband over this. He chose you for a reason.
Invite your FIL to dinners and Christmas without you're MIL. When asked, mention you don't want "her kind", in this case bigots, to embarrass you or influence your children.
Joking aside your husband needs to cut all but his father out of the picture. If only to keep your daughters from the hurtful actions of your husbands family.
I am so sorry you're going through this racial hatred, especially in your husband's family.
Your husband loves you and loves his family, but if forced to make a choice will he choose you? I think so, since he knew what he was up against when he married you.
This could go on forever, or until you have a breakdown of your marriage. I'm sure you and DH argue over this and I suggest you say this to him:
Tell him to go alone to his parent's house, take his mother's face into his hands, look into her eyes and say, "if you ever want to see me again, you'll just have to accept that I'm married to (your name). I love her and I'm NOT leaving her because you don't like the fact that she is black. You don't have to love her or our children, but I insist that you respect her, including NOT hiding her or ever saying that she is a cleaning lady, plus you have to respect our children's feelings, or I'm out of your life for GOOD! "
He has to let her know that he means business. Choosing is going to force her to realize that she doesn't hold power over him and that she'd better wisen up or she'll lose her son.
Sorry to burst your bubble but this is not TV ,there are still alot of people that frown upon interracial relationships. You should of thought about the concequences before got involved.
Makes sense. i mean, the real issue here is the interracial couple. the bigots are innocent in this regard?
Please. There would be no "consequences" if bigots wouldn't give others a hard time for pretty much nothing.
Yet some claim there is no racism. Well, obviously, this situation proves that white people still look at the black race as inferior.
Seriously, I think that white racists are either mental or possessed by demons.
Don't think that it would be more accurate to say that some white people still look at the black race as inferior? If it was all of them, there wouldn't be any black and white marriages or relationships. Many people marry the person not the race - that doesn't mean they love all white people or all black people, just the person they married.
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