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You married an AA man and JUST NOW it occurred to you that these conversations would be coming up? Didn't occur to you you'd be talking about history, people, role models etc.
It's not like there's a SHORTAGE of dark skinned women in culture. Even the winner of RuPauls' Drag Race is a dark skinned queen.
Who carried the USA flag in the Olympic closing ceremony???
First of all, after 14 years your aunt suddenly realizes one daughter is darker skinned - blurts it out - and she starts "favoritism"?
Doesn't even make sense.
And NO, she wasn't "born in another time" LOL. She was born in your mother's time - the hippie generation. And let's be clear, the African American community is just as guilty of this crap as your aunt. Have you had the "good hair" discussion yet? It's even a THING that some people are attracted to dark or light skin people chemistry wise. I'm even surprised you say they never heard that before. It's even on shows like HOUSE HUNTERS LOL where a couple are buying a house and they talk about their dating history. "I wasn't her type she likes tall light skin men and I'm a short fat dark skinned guy but I hung in there."
I just saw that last WEEK on that show.
So the entire conversation you and your parents had with your aunt was THAT? Nobody told her they expected an apology?
She totally accepted your husband but not an 11 year old girl? LOL.
You're saying there's FAVORITISM not just a rude comment about skin color.
And BTW why are they spending so many weekends with a 60 year old woman that isn't even their grandmother?
I fully expect after seeing your 2 day posting history that somehow Donald Trump will enter this situation.
BTW I don't see where you tried to even EXPLAIN it to your daughters. The OBVIOUS thing would have been to say "See, in your aunt's time growing up people were mean to darker skinned people from the days of slavery - and it's not just white people in America but all races and cultures all over the world who used to have this bias. She wasn't thinking when she said that. And even now some people like darker skinned or lighter skinned in the dating world just like some people prefer blondes or redheads."
You keep saying colorism but don't know how to discuss that?
Now as far as your "favoritism" claim, sorry, not buying that.
And it's not RACISM.
Hell, the topic even has it's own Wiki entry.
The woman could have dementia or even a brain tumor. Tell the girls that. AND tell the aunt.
Errr.... yep, it's racism. Sorry to inform you, but it is. You consider features indigenous to another race inferior. And the OP is white - perhaps she does not KNOW how to discuss this with her daughters? Her husband, no offense to the OP, chose a white woman, so perhaps he isn't qualified to speak of it either. But that's my opinion.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Portland222
It did happen. And my aunt acted indignantly.
I'm sorry you had to go through what you did as a child. With how you have described it, it seems as if you don't suffer from having a complex about your skin tone as a child. If you don't mind me asking - how were you able to get past those feelings?
I got past those feelings by having darker skinned female role models. I also realized that men (non-racist men) like attractive women, period. If someone rejects me due to the color of my skin - well, he never had a shot right?
Are your daughters exposed to black people? And I don't mean bi-racial - I mean black. Perhaps from your husband's side of the family?
Since aunt is so casual about this, it seems perhaps you never really knew her. Big families are likely to harbor more dysfunction - more personalities all entwined. Its nice to say one has a big close knit family and everything is wonderful but usually that is not the case.
Your mother should have the most insight as to how her sister really thinks. I doubt this is the first time she ever did or said something "off".
Love the sinner, not the sin. This is a teachable moment and you are in a position to show a tremendous life lesson to your daughters.
This is no better than saying it's ok for a child to be around a child molester as long as everybody in the family makes nice about it.
It's about time women (and men) stood up for their children and stop being afraid of "what the family will think". It's because of that very thing that my uncle got away with molesting me.
This is no better than saying it's ok for a child to be around a child molester as long as everybody in the family makes nice about it.
It's about time women (and men) stood up for their children and stop being afraid of "what the family will think". It's because of that very thing that my uncle got away with molesting me.
Amen, convextech. Wrong is wrong. And I am sick of the "But it's FAMILY!" rationalization. Family members can do evil things.
It's about race because the aunt stated she grew up in a different era. Forgive but don't forget. Your aunt said what she felt and you don't want to isolate your daughters from other family members and functions if you don't have to.
Myself with me being able to be as petty as the next person would say something negative to the aunt and then when she gets an attitude I would just say now you see the hurt now just consider how a child would feel.
That being said I'm sorry to say the world is changing but there are some who still think the old ways. It may be time to have a race talk with your daughters to thicken up their skin to not dwell on the opinion of fools.
"What you think of me is not my reality"..Then just keep it moving.
This happens sometimes in my family. It's usually older people. (ignorance from slavery...)
I remind them that God made all skin colors and ALL are equally beautiful.
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