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I can't speak for others but I really wish I had a father growing up. He died when I was 11 so I feel like he never got a chance to teach me some things about being a man - things that a father teaches his son about life. My mom is an incredible woman and probably the strongest person I know, but there are some things that a boy (or a girl) should learn from their father. Raising a child with no intent of finding a fatherly figure seems incredibly selfish.
Most single mothers I know wish there was a father around to lean on and help with moral support and household chores. You have no idea what you are getting yourself into. Once you do this, you can't change your mind when you get tired of the extra work a baby or even small child causes. Any man with any sense is going to run and not be interested in you if he can find someone who doesn't have a child. One poster said a child isn't a deal breaker, but I think that is just his opinion and not reality. Many men wouldn't want to adopt your child because that is taking on child support when you decide you don't want to be married any longer. Use your head, go borrow or baby sit for someone for a few days when you get this feeling that you want one of your own.
Let me quickly explain. Lately, I've been fantasizing about having a child or two. I have a very good career and a very stable middle class lifestyle, however, I am currently single and approaching 34. This baby thing is becoming an obsession. I fear that if I wait too long, I may become too old to have one naturally.
Has anyone else experienced these feelings? If so, what did you do?
My niece was 35 ... no husband ... no boyfriend and wanted a child too. She never did the fantasizing she just wanted a child.
She got pregnant ... no one in the family knows anything about the procedure but she had a beautiful baby girl. The whole family supported this pregnancy. She has never married and it's just my niece and great niece. She is a beautiful 11 year old little girl now.
All her life it's been just the two of them. The problem now is she wants male attention ... not 11 year old little boys but adult male attention. This just happened in the last couple of years. When the family gathers she hugs and hangs on to the older men in the family even trying to sit on their laps. She is starved for a daddy or male attention. This is not sexual it's just needing an adult male paying some attention to her.
Her mother has talked with her about this but all we see is when she is grown and if she married she will marry an older man still looking for that father.
She is not promiscuous, never in trouble and is a good kid with good grades in school. It's just seems she is lacking a male influence or male figure in her life.
You need to make a decision soon as maternal age related risks for Down Syndrome and other Trisomies increase with age.
Never have children for your own benefit. That's the biggest mistake, people make. Children are an addition to the entire world, not just your world. If you want something for yourself, that's what pets are for.
Unfortunately, in my family there are many single mothers and children (most are grown) with no fathers (and these are strong, college educated single mothers). None of the kids have grown up unscathed. Not one.
On a personal note - my mother skipped out when I was 11 (she's a head case, long story) and I've gone the rest of my life since then with no mom. It's a very lonely existence not having a mom around. I can only imagine how hard it would be for a person who never had a father/mother at all. Not even a glimpse of them. It doesn't matter how great a single parent is, there are some things you just cannot be. I think people need to reflect seriously on the effects that their choices have on their children.
Adopt! I have had a child naturally and one through adoption and I can tell you this, my love for the adopted child is no different than the one I had naturally.
Let me quickly explain. Lately, I've been fantasizing about having a child or two. I have a very good career and a very stable middle class lifestyle, however, I am currently single and approaching 34. This baby thing is becoming an obsession. I fear that if I wait too long, I may become too old to have one naturally.
Has anyone else experienced these feelings? If so, what did you do?
Similar age and situation here. In the process of finding Mrs right to have a child with. Its a difficult process at our age as most of the good one's are taken.
I haven't read all the pages to this thread, so I don't know where the comments are currently.
But I'm not getting it on all the "adopt" suggestions here. Do you all mean adopting older kids so that she doesn't need a babysitter? Wouldn't adopting require the same commitment and time as her own? If "discouraging another fatherless child" is a concern, shouldn't an adopted child be in need of a father figure, too?
This all sounds weird to me.
At 34 she is certainly not too young to start thinking about whether or not children will fit into her life. And if she can support it, as she seems to suggest, then that's THE most major concern taken care of. Because a pregnancy that a single girl cannot afford ends up on the fastest road to poverty there is. However, having a child with the wrong man is no better.
The OP's biological clock is ticking and she has more questions to find answers to. But I think she's on the right track, I really do.
I don't think anyone meant adopting an older kid to have a babysitter! I think it was meant that there are kids out there living in foster care or orphanages who need a home and at least one parent to love them, as right now they don't have any parent. One is better than none.
Why purposely go out and get pregnant to have a child as a single parent? What about the child?
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