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Her ex saw the kids a few times a year after they split and he skirted paying child support. What kind of father does that?
The kind of father who believes his desire to chase around carries more weight than his responsibilities to his children.
Over the years, I've known several fathers who skipped out only to return when the kids were grown and expect to walk them down the aisle, be called "Papa" by the grandkids, reap the benefits of having raised children.
Our neighbor's husband left her with seven kids to raise. He was invited to a daughter's wedding, but when it appeared he expected to walk her down the aisle, the daughter was clear that, "Mama will be walking beside me, just like she's walked beside me all along."
He didn't attend. Claimed it would be "too humiliating." Apparently, abandoning his family was fine and having this acknowledged was shameful.
Several of my mother's friends had husbands return when they had end-of-life issues expecting their kids, who hardly knew their fathers, to care for them.
Nope. It is owed. It is in arrears. Maybe Mom can pay off some debt she incurred or use it to help with college expenses for her kids.
In any case, it is owed and a person shouldn't get a pass for being an asshat for more than a decade and not paying when the mom had to scrape around to make ends meet.
What anifani said....can't believe he even had the nerve to request that
Hmmm, biological dad didn't pay child support for ten years, part of that time Mom couldn't even find out where he lived and when she could he only took jobs where he was paid illegally so that he did not have to pay child support.
Do you really think that Dad had any interest in his children or kept up with visitation during that ten year period? I wonder what lessons his children learned from his decision not to pay court ordered child support and lie & cheat the government as well as them?
The kids are not stupid. They already saw what their father did. Taking the money is not going to change that. If they want to try to have a relationship with him now that's on them. Lots of people try to navigate some degree of relationship with an imperfect parent.
Lots of dads skip out on money but still want to see their kids. Some don't have the money, some have it but not as much as the courts want them to pay, some are just selfish and see paying as rewarding the mom and think they still "love" their kids even if they don't pay "her". It happens.
He'll quit that job and start working under the table again. He sounds like a real prize.
I agree that is probably true.
My brother, who is retired, kept noticing this younger man who was often at the public library during the day when my brother was there. One day my brother decided to talk to him and the man explained that he used to be an executive making a huge salary, but his wife divorced him and the day that the courts awarded child support (forhis three children) he quit his job and was now basically homeless by choice (that was why he was in the library so often). He told my brother that he would never get another legitimate job (but often accepted cash for odd & short term jobs) thus he "would never have to pay his wife child support".
My brother said that the man was so creepy and determined to make his wife suffer that it appeared that he didn't even care that he was making his children suffer as well. The man delightfully shared a few more details, like his wife was awarded their big house in the divorce but couldn't keep up with the mortgage payments (probably because he wasn't paying child support) so his ex-wife and three kids were forced to move into a tiny apartment in a bad school district.
I have a feeling that the ex-husband of the OPs friend was a lot like the creepy, deadbeat dad that my brother was talking to in the library.
She did not decide to let him stop paying child support. He did not pay support for many years and owes arrears. He has asked her to agree to waive the past due support. She asked me what I thought. I told her I think she is crazy to even consider waiving support that is due to her.
Her kids are over 18 now and she did remarry (after her kids were grown). That doesn't change the fact that he owes her the money.
I'm well aware. I was responding to someone who said she might not be able to afford to drop it since she's a single mom. Since she is remarried, she is not currently a single mother. Even though she struggled in the past, she obviously feels she can financially afford to drop it or she wouldn't even be considering it.
My brother, who is retired, kept noticing this younger man who was often at the public library during the day when my brother was there. One day my brother decided to talk to him and the man explained that he used to be an executive making a huge salary, but his wife divorced him and the day that the courts awarded child support (forhis three children) he quit his job and was now basically homeless by choice (that was why he was in the library so often). He told my brother that he would never get another legitimate job (but often accepted cash for odd & short term jobs) thus he "would never have to pay his wife child support".
My brother said that the man was so creepy and determined to make his wife suffer that it appeared that he didn't even care that he was making his children suffer as well. The man delightfully shared a few more details, like his wife was awarded their big house in the divorce but couldn't keep up with the mortgage payments (probably because he wasn't paying child support) so his ex-wife and three kids were forced to move into a tiny apartment in a bad school district.
.
Fat chance this guy was ever an executive making a huge salary. Maybe a meth manufacturer or some such thing.
My brother, who is retired, kept noticing this younger man who was often at the public library during the day when my brother was there. One day my brother decided to talk to him and the man explained that he used to be an executive making a huge salary, but his wife divorced him and the day that the courts awarded child support (forhis three children) he quit his job and was now basically homeless by choice (that was why he was in the library so often). He told my brother that he would never get another legitimate job (but often accepted cash for odd & short term jobs) thus he "would never have to pay his wife child support".
And why was your brother in the library so often to notice this man in the library so often? LOL
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