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That is a lie, what I said is sometimes female children do such a thing and it's not abnormal. I never said the OPs daughter injured herself by inserting things into herself.
Why would you even bring up the fact that sometimes female children do this and then turn around and accuse others of jumping to the conclusion that she's doing it to herself when they are OPPOSING you for seeming to diminish what's going on with the OP's daughter by saying sometimes female children do this? You are twisting things around and need to be reminded that you brought up the subject of children doing it to themselves yourself in the first place.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lkb0714
Well accusing people who suggest the mother take the child to the doctor immediately, while not beating down the schools door to make accusations without evidence besides a highly implausible account from a child who is known to make up stories, of being "laissez-faire" suggests the correct course of action is not rationality but panic. Kids pick up panic like a sponge.
That's downright silly. Going to the doctors does not a panic make. It's a common place parents take their children. She should have taken her to the doctor immediately. It doesn't matter how implausible the story. You don't delay taking children to the doctors when they say they are in pain. The doctor is where the OP should have started.
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Originally Posted by LiLShorty4lyfe
Here are my concerns. Its now day three, and if the doctor (who isn't trained in this aspect) doesn't find something, the mother decides that the daughter is in fact not being molested and now the abuse continues because she told her mom and nobody believed her.
That isn't what she said happened though. You are so caught up in your own emotional response you keep losing track of the facts and misrepresenting what people have said.
She said another boy touched her genitals, not inserted some foreign object, that occurred in something like 8% of children in this particular study.
"touching children's and adults' genitals, but these behaviors are less common, occurring in fewer than 8% of children 2 to 5 years old"
Facts.....
Quote:
Originally Posted by ADVentive
I asked what happened, and she told me that a boy in her class put his finger in the hole in her vulva and then in the hole in her bottom.
Though she told me that her vulva hurt, I didn't have reason to think she necessarily needed to go to the doctor just for that. Sometimes kids get a diaper rash (she still wears pull-ups overnight), I knew she had a bug bite, it could be anything, and didn't mean that it was that serious. What's the point of going to the doctor if he's just going to tell me to put diaper cream on her? If she had been crying about it, or constantly messing with it, or if I could see something visibly obvious, then sure I would want to take her in. But she didn't seem very upset about it.
I didn't even know if her vulva really did hurt, or if she was just saying that. Earlier that same evening my older daughter had fallen down and scraped her shoulder and cried, and my 5yo started saying that her shoulder hurt too. She was just mimicing her sister and wasn't really hurt. I still don't know if her vulva really hurts or if she is just saying that because she sees how much attention she gets now when she talks about it. Hopefully the doctor will be able to figure out if there is anything going on down there today that would be causing her pain. But no, I did not immediately think that she needed to automatically go to the doctor ASAP. After discussing it here with you all, I have decided that she should be seen though.
Someone said earlier that if her ear had hurt I would have gotten her in for an appointment right away, but I don't think that I would have done that either. Unless she needs antibiotics, what is the point? It will usually resolve on it's own in a day or two, with rest and tylenol. I don't take her to the doctor every time she gets a fever or vomits or skins her knee either.
My daughter said this to me at bed time on Monday night. After having a short conversation with her about that nobody should touch her there and to tell the teacher if that happens, etc, she changed the subject and wanted to know when we are going camping next. She did not seem upset about what she had told me. If she had seemed upset, I would have had a different reaction. Since she was not already upset, I was trying to avoid being the one to make her upset. I did not see any reason to scoop her out of her bed and take her to the ER or something.
After putting her to bed, I told my husband what she said and he immediately emailed the teacher to let her know what had been said. Tuesday morning, when I took her to school, I talked to the teacher in person. The teacher told me that my daughter and this boy already sit on opposite sides of the classroom, both at their desks and on the carpet, and she has never even noticed them interacting at all so she doesn't know when or how this could have happened, especially considering that my daughter is pulled out of the classroom for much of the day. But that she would keep an eye out for anything distressing and make sure that they are not together going forward. Even if this did happen in the past, I feel like the teacher is on top of it and that it is much less likely to happen again in the future because of the extra attention, so I do not feel that my daughter is in any immediate danger from this boy at this time. Later that day, I also talked to the guidance counselor by phone, who expressed similar sentiments as the teacher - that they don't know if this really happened, but that they will keep their eye on the situation so that it doesn't happen in the future, and will let me know if they see any further cause for concern. So, maybe that is enough detail to help you understand why I was concerned, but not panicked.
Later that same day (Tuesday), I called the doctor's office. I missed the doctor's call back on Tuesday night. I talked to the doctor on Wednesday. She will be seen today, Thursday.
I'm not inflexible, I am taking your advice. But people are still harping on the fact that I didn't take her to the doctor on Tuesday. Well, Tuesday is over and done - can we move on now? I can't go back in time, you know. I think it's time to focus on what to do moving forward.
Says who? Not a single person here has said to panic. We said to stop being lazy. There was definitely a better course of action to be taken but the RATIONAL response should have been:
-Contact the school by phone or in person with concerns about the allegations
- Have the child seen by a practitioner due to the presence of pain in that area
- Have the child seen by a practitioner due to the allegations (made twice unprovoked)
- Then decide how to move forward based on the findings
Here are my concerns. Its now day three, and if the doctor (who isn't trained in this aspect) doesn't find something, the mother decides that the daughter is in fact not being molested and now the abuse continues because she told her mom and nobody believed her.
I am not saying it happened indefinitely, but I am the parent of a special Ed child who had the same issue with "stories" and this is still not a typical scenario. The child said it very nonchalantly because like everyone has said, her vulva is the same as her nose, or eye (to her).
The story in and of itself is missing some key factors for me to feel one way or another. A husband, friends, counselor and teachers would not, and should not have said not to take her to a doctor, and something there doesn't fit. Even if they know your daughter makes stuff up. The husbands reaction is a big red flag to me, and I would like to know what his initial reaction to the claim was. OP can you answer that for us?
Someone in this childs life should take these allegations seriously in case they are valid. Discrediting her, and having others doubt her on initial contact is not fair to her. There must be an advocate in her life. The moms reaction is peculiar in the sense that there was no "emergency mode". That doesn't include panic, it includes caution, reason, and action.
There is a real possibility she is being sexually abused. Maybe not by the boy, and maybe not in the setting she said. But those words are beyond the imagination of a five year old with delayed learning. I would hate for the three days to be the reason the mother chalks this up to "a story" and the child now suffers in silence.
I will say, if the family practitioner sees a lot of kids, s/he is probably as well-trained as a pediatrician. I am glad they're going to the dr. today. We will await the results, if the OP chooses to share them.
I talked to our doctor on the phone tonight for about an hour. He is going to see her tomorrow to determine if there is an apparent cause for her pain, which she is still complaining of. He said that after that we can further discuss the possibility of taking her to a child therapist or not.
You should be ashamed of yourself!
It's obvious you told this doctor (who isn't even a pediatrician!) that your daughter is prone to lying. Of course, why would he #1 want to see a four-year-old child when he's a family doctor, and #2 even believe this child because Mom says she's a liar? So yeah, he says, just take her to a therapist, because of course, all liars should go to therapists, even when they say they've been penetrated in the vagina and the anus.
OP, you are the epitome of why victims of rape and molestation are terrified to come forward. I feel really bad for this poor little girl.
It's obvious you told this doctor (who isn't even a pediatrician!) that your daughter is prone to lying. Of course, why would he #1 want to see a four-year-old child when he's a family doctor, and #2 even believe this child because Mom says she's a liar? So, yeah he says, just take her to a therapist, because of course, all liars should go to therapists, even when they say they've been penetrated in the vagina and the anus.
OP, you are the epitome of why victims of rape and molestation are terrified to come forward. I feel really bad for this poor little girl.
Some family practitioners see a lot of kids. Don't rush to judgement like that!
It's obvious you told this doctor (who isn't even a pediatrician!) that your daughter is prone to lying. Of course, why would he #1 want to see a four-year-old child when he's a family doctor, and #2 even believe this child because Mom says she's a liar? So yeah, he says, just take her to a therapist, because of course, all liars should go to therapists, even when they say they've been penetrated in the vagina and the anus.
OP, you are the epitome of why victims of rape and molestation are terrified to come forward. I feel really bad for this poor little girl.
Knock it off. She is taking her daughter to the doctor today, and she knows her daughter better than you.
It doesn't matter whether some GPs see children; the fact is this doctor does not know this child.
I believe the OP said s/he is their family doctor. Far better than taking the kid to a "Doc in a Box" (Urgent Care at a grocery store) or an ER, which is more set up for critical care.
Though she told me that her vulva hurt, I didn't have reason to think she necessarily needed to go to the doctor just for that. Sometimes kids get a diaper rash (she still wears pull-ups overnight), I knew she had a bug bite, it could be anything, and didn't mean that it was that serious. What's the point of going to the doctor if he's just going to tell me to put diaper cream on her? If she had been crying about it, or constantly messing with it, or if I could see something visibly obvious, then sure I would want to take her in. But she didn't seem very upset about it.
If you looked and saw there was no diaper rash or anything you could diagnose on your own, this explanation for delaying doesn't make sense. (Did you look? That's not clear.) When you couple her pain complaint with her molestation complaint, it becomes more important to find out one way or another IMO.
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Originally Posted by ADVentive
I did not see any reason to scoop her out of her bed and take her to the ER or something.
Nobody said you should have taken her to the ER that first night she told you. As days and days past, people felt more urgent because time was lapsing for any evidence to remain.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ADVentive
Even if this did happen in the past, I feel like the teacher is on top of it and that it is much less likely to happen again in the future because of the extra attention, so I do not feel that my daughter is in any immediate danger from this boy at this time. Later that day, I also talked to the guidance counselor by phone, who expressed similar sentiments as the teacher - that they don't know if this really happened, but that they will keep their eye on the situation so that it doesn't happen in the future, and will let me know if they see any further cause for concern. So, maybe that is enough detail to help you understand why I was concerned, but not panicked.
This is a perplexing thought process on so many levels. Are you saying it doesn't matter if she was molested as long as it doesn't happen again? Did it not occur to you that just seeing a molester again can be traumatic? Not to mention, the person who did it, if it happened, might not even be a student. None of this explains postponing an examination. The school told you not to but they have a vested interest in your not finding proof your child was molested at school because that puts them at risk of a lawsuit. Schools brush things under the rug all the time.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ADVentive
I'm not inflexible, I am taking your advice. But people are still harping on the fact that I didn't take her to the doctor on Tuesday. Well, Tuesday is over and done - can we move on now? I can't go back in time, you know. I think it's time to focus on what to do moving forward.
Fair enough. But hearing our reactions can help you understand how your explanations sound if you get questioned by CPS.
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