Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Hire a lawyer, mediator, insist on a following of the original visitation orders, suggest to her ex a new visitation schedule. Complaining about it isn't going to change it. We can agree he is wrong, or not...but it doesn't change it.
Yes, obviously. That's what she's been advised to do here. She doesn't have much control over how any of that turns out, though.
Yes, obviously. That's what she's been advised to do here. She doesn't have much control over how any of that turns out, though.
And I was asking if she had made steps towards making a decision on this front. No, she doesn't have final say in what happens...but complaining about it or fighting with him isn't going to move the issue along. I think even people who think the daughter needs to maintain a relationship with her father think the 10 hours in the car every other weekend is a bit much. Then again, I have known a kid who flew from Atlanta to NYC and back every weekend and holiday to see their dad. So it might not be super unusual. But I'm betting on the dad getting tired of the drive (or the gf) and be willing to change things if everything stays civil and doesn't turn into a battle.
And I was asking if she had made steps towards making a decision on this front. No, she doesn't have final say in what happens...but complaining about it or fighting with him isn't going to move the issue along. I think even people who think the daughter needs to maintain a relationship with her father think the 10 hours in the car every other weekend is a bit much. Then again, I have known a kid who flew from Atlanta to NYC and back every weekend and holiday to see their dad. So it might not be super unusual. But I'm betting on the dad getting tired of the drive (or the gf) and be willing to change things if everything stays civil and doesn't turn into a battle.
Quote:
Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird
You were with him at least 10ish years? And he left you, you didn't leave him? I think your anger towards him is getting in the way of your coparenting. Maybe he is the devil...I don't know. But it sounds more like you are very bitter and we are getting one side.
What are you going to do to make the situation better? I agree it's far from ideal. The drive is too much. Missing things as she gets older will be more difficult. I'm neutral on the dance, but things will be more important as she gets into high school. So it's time to sort this out.
This is what you said. I took this to mean that you think she's just bitter and isn't trying hard enough, as if she has any control over the 5 hour commute or the dance team schedule. Obviously if she wants a change, she needs to make an official move toward that. I'm wondering why they ever though the every other weekend thing would work at all.
Does it sound like he would totally respect her schedule, opinions and feelings on the subject?
Keep in mind: this is a guy who chose to move 5 hrs away, and thinks it's in his kid's best interest to spend 10 hrs in the car every other weekend.
He doesn't sound that reasonable to me.
It sounds to me like we have a very one sided description from a woman who is still very upset about being cheated on. His actions AS A FATHER of moving 5 hours away (and we have no idea how accurate that is) are clearly offset by the fact that he is trying to remain an engaged and active parent in the time he has been court approved for. It is clearly less than ideal, all the way around, from dad moving away, to mom's bitterness, but the one person who needs to have the most say, should talk to her father directly. Clearly, he values his relationship with her.
It sounds to me like we have a very one sided description from a woman who is still very upset about being cheated on. His actions AS A FATHER of moving 5 hours away (and we have no idea how accurate that is) are clearly offset by the fact that he is trying to remain an engaged and active parent in the time he has been court approved for. It is clearly less than ideal, all the way around, from dad moving away, to mom's bitterness, but the one person who needs to have the most say, should talk to her father directly. Clearly, he values his relationship with her.
I think we have some solid facts to base advice on. Emotions aside, the dad moved 5 hours away from the town where his daughter lives, has always lived, and is ingrained in school and activities. It is a fact that, because of this schedule, the daughter misses her activities and has to sit in a car for 10 hours every other weekend. It doesn't matter why he moved or how motivated he is. Their current arrangement isn't working for the daughter.
Yeah, I won't even go into all the sacrifices I've made...that's not what this post is about.
I find it hilarious that the woman on another thread is getting beat up because she moved to be with a man she met on FB, but I'm supposed to be perfectly fine & supportive of my ex who up and left for some woman he met on Instagram, who by the way was also married (over 20 years) when they began their romance. Talk about a double standard...
And to those of you who asked, no he rarely picks her up or drops her off without the girlfriend around and he won't even consider spending a weekend here without her to spend quality time with his daughter. It's his way or no way. He's a narcissist only child with a narcissistic, passive aggressive mother. He only surrounds himself with people who support his choices and has cut anyone out who would call him on his BS.
You don't get it. Your opinion of him has no more weight once the divorce papers are signed.
And were he to come here, I would tell him moving 5 hrs away from his child is absolutely less than ideal and that he should have stayed nearby. OTOH, I suspect he would not agree on the how far, why and when of all of it. People who are bitter tend to exaggerate. I can guarantee you, you are not a perfect parent either, since none of us are. So trying to minimize their relationship, and that is clearly what is going on from your posts, is your less than ideal parenting mistake. Should he try to be taking away her time with you over it? No. Likewise, you should not be trying to take away his time from her because you are mad he moved in with the woman he cheated with.
You don't get it. Your opinion of him has no more weight once the divorce papers are signed.
And were he to come here, I would tell him moving 5 hrs away from his child is absolutely less than ideal and that he should have stayed nearby. OTOH, I suspect he would not agree on the how far, why and when of all of it. People who are bitter tend to exaggerate. I can guarantee you, you are not a perfect parent either, since none of us are. So trying to minimize their relationship, and that is clearly what is going on from your posts, is your less than ideal parenting mistake. Should he try to be taking away her time with you over it? No. Likewise, you should not be trying to take away his time from her because you are mad he moved in with the woman he cheated with.
OK, so what if she had come here and simply said, "our custody arrangement is every other weekend visits to dad, but he lives 5 hours away, and she has to miss her dance team practice every time"?
I think we have some solid facts to base advice on. Emotions aside, the dad moved 5 hours away from the town where his daughter lives, has always lived, and is ingrained in school and activities. It is a fact that, because of this schedule, the daughter misses her activities and has to sit in a car for 10 hours every other weekend. It doesn't matter why he moved or how motivated he is. Their current arrangement isn't working for the daughter.
We have no facts really. We don't even know if is really 5 hours. Again, pissed off people exaggerate to make their point FREQUENTLY. What we do know is he is trying to maintain a relationship with his daughter. If the daughter is that upset about it, FIRST, she should discuss it with her father. Then if it is still not resolved to her (not mom's) satisfaction, then they should all go back to family court, ALL of them (including the daughter) discuss it with a judge, and come up with a new plan.
We have no facts really. We don't even know if is really 5 hours. Again, pissed off people exaggerate to make their point FREQUENTLY. What we do know is he is trying to maintain a relationship with his daughter. If the daughter is that upset about it, FIRST, she should discuss it with her father. Then if it is still not resolved to her (not mom's) satisfaction, then they should all go back to family court, ALL of them (including the daughter) discuss it with a judge, and come up with a new plan.
So you are choosing what parts of the op to believe. I choose to believe that it is a long drive for a weekend visit, and that the daughter is missing out on her dance team practice. Is it 4 hours, not 5? Maybe. That's still a long way, and it doesn't change the fact that she's missing her practice.
OK, so what if she had come here and simply said, "our custody arrangement is every other weekend visits to dad, but he lives 5 hours away, and she has to miss her dance team practice every time"?
My advice would be literally, exactly the same. The daughter should talk to her father, and figure something out. If that doesn't work, that is why family courts exist.
But mom's bitterness is apparent every time she brings up the girlfriend, the divorce, the move, all multiple times. Bitter and angry people exaggerate, so maybe the 5 hours is not precise. Maybe it is, but if she couldn't keep her issues with her ex, out of a thread about his parenting, what are the odds she keeps it out of her discussions with her daughter?
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
