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Depending on the age of your grandchildren, it may be better to start traditions that do not involve putting all (or most) of the work on YOU. Unless your husband is cleaning the house & doing the cooking every Sunday for his daughter and her kids I can see how the resentment would build up. Heck, step-daughter should have been helping with the clean-up & with the dishes from the very first time. I wonder why your husband never said anything earlier. Did he just do all of the clean-up & dishes himself?
Maybe a movie night or game night with the grandkids & just popcorn or snacks, or planning some picnics in the park where step-daughter provides half the food. Or just watch the grandkids at their sporting events or similar things.
You can't go to step-daughter's house because it is her hubby's "quiet time"? Sheesh! Maybe she/they should invite you for dinner on Friday night or Sunday night or for Saturday breakfast. Or does her husband have "quiet time" then, too?
Your hubby should have told her years ago that it is only fair that she invite you to her house, too.
Oh don't get me wrong. I have had a pretty good relationship with my stepdaughter for 20 years. She is 37. Yes she should have been helping for longer and I should have asked for more but I didn't. Sadly her and my grandson are the takers in the family. My 12 year old granddaughter on the other hand has a heart of gold and helps all the time.
My husband always helps me and will back me 100% over anyone anytime. That is never an issue.
My stepdaughter has not always been bad. She does have good moments sadly they are short live and now I see it was with the motivation of getting something from us or others in return. It has gotten worse with her since she has gotten closer to her toxic mother but that is another story and not for here. Anyway things are very strained with her and my husband and it will never be the same. My husband and I will do what we can to keep our relationship good with our granddaughter.
Some families just can't be fixed and seriously sometimes it is better for your sanity to just move on and let it go.
Only 6 hours....I would be elated. I'm a 6 hour plane trip away. Shame on you, seriously sad for your son.
Have you read the entire thread before making that comment? Everyone's life circumstances and finances are different, what works for one may not work for another.
My brother and I no longer have a relationship with our parents because (among other reasons - many of you have read my other threads) we found it so hurtful that our parents prioritized travel, the dog, eating out, etc. over seeing us - then poor mouthed and cried and whined whenever asked to see us. While the dog was an often excuse, the main excuse I got when I brought up that I was making all the effort to see them is that my mom is afraid of my cat. This attitude began as early as when I was 18 and has only gotten worse.
Perhaps I'm projecting, but when I hear that the OP's son said, "You love your dogs more than your grandchildren," I hear real pain there. Some may call that guilting, but I see it as the son expressing his disappointment. Legitimate excuses are one thing, but all most kids want is to know that you WANT to see us. If we don't think you want to see us, as it seems the son feels, then don't expect effort from the other side. It's one thing for an unemployed grandparent to go see her grandkids. It's a whole other thing for two employed parents to take time off of work, pack up small kids for a 6 hour car ride, and then cram into a single bedroom to visit.
If it's really been 2 years since the OP saw her grandkids and they're only 6 hours away, I'd be shocked if she has a strong relationship with her grandkids when they get older. The grandkids know they're not a priority to the OP, I guarantee it.
My brother and I no longer have a relationship with our parents because (among other reasons - many of you have read my other threads) we found it so hurtful that our parents prioritized travel, the dog, eating out, etc. over seeing us - then poor mouthed and cried and whined whenever asked to see us. While the dog was an often excuse, the main excuse I got when I brought up that I was making all the effort to see them is that my mom is afraid of my cat. This attitude began as early as when I was 18 and has only gotten worse.
Perhaps I'm projecting, but when I hear that the OP's son said, "You love your dogs more than your grandchildren," I hear real pain there. Some may call that guilting, but I see it as the son expressing his disappointment. Legitimate excuses are one thing, but all most kids want is to know that you WANT to see us. If we don't think you want to see us, as it seems the son feels, then don't expect effort from the other side. It's one thing for an unemployed grandparent to go see her grandkids. It's a whole other thing for two employed parents to take time off of work, pack up small kids for a 6 hour car ride, and then cram into a single bedroom to visit.
If it's really been 2 years since the OP saw her grandkids and they're only 6 hours away, I'd be shocked if she has a strong relationship with her grandkids when they get older. The grandkids know they're not a priority to the OP, I guarantee it.
Thank you. You have a better way with words than I demonstrated when I wrote my previous post outlining a similar situation.
wow you trust people a lot don't you ? i would not be comfortable trusting a complete stranger access to my home. i just don't trust people with my dogs or any of my belongings . My dogs are also 12 and 14 yrs old so it wont be long before they are gone and then i can make the trip easier because i would be financially able then .
Using a dog sitter isn't a matter of 'trusting a stranger'. I have used dog sitters for 15 years and always professionals, bonded and insured. My dogs preferred being at home and I had the peace of mind knowing someone was in the house a few times a day and would let me know if anything was wrong. We travel frequently and both work, so dog sitting is a great service.
This doesn't answer the original poster's main question, but wanted to point out dog sitting is preferable to boarding, at least for me, and is pretty much the same cost as boarding if you have multiple dogs.
My brother and I no longer have a relationship with our parents because (among other reasons - many of you have read my other threads) we found it so hurtful that our parents prioritized travel, the dog, eating out, etc. over seeing us - then poor mouthed and cried and whined whenever asked to see us. While the dog was an often excuse, the main excuse I got when I brought up that I was making all the effort to see them is that my mom is afraid of my cat. This attitude began as early as when I was 18 and has only gotten worse.
Perhaps I'm projecting, but when I hear that the OP's son said, "You love your dogs more than your grandchildren," I hear real pain there. Some may call that guilting, but I see it as the son expressing his disappointment. Legitimate excuses are one thing, but all most kids want is to know that you WANT to see us. If we don't think you want to see us, as it seems the son feels, then don't expect effort from the other side. It's one thing for an unemployed grandparent to go see her grandkids. It's a whole other thing for two employed parents to take time off of work, pack up small kids for a 6 hour car ride, and then cram into a single bedroom to visit.
If it's really been 2 years since the OP saw her grandkids and they're only 6 hours away, I'd be shocked if she has a strong relationship with her grandkids when they get older. The grandkids know they're not a priority to the OP, I guarantee it.
Thanks for this, I couldn't rep you again...yet....
Sounds similar to my mom. She hates travel (but will NOT admit it) and the two times she visited us were disastrous.
Many years have passed since then, so I offered to fly her out again and for a period of time I think she can handle. She accepted...and then called a week later to tell me "her friends" told her she'd be crazy to come out for that short of a time. So I said, "well then enjoy your friends," and told her she need not visit since it would apparently be uncomfortable. I gave her a time-out after that.
How old are these parents we are talking about? I would not ask my 80 yo mother to travel to visit me!
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