Does anybody else believe in keeping man's name in traditional marriage? (employees, security)

[Mikala43]

When I married my late husband I hyphenated my name, it was a professional decision. I mainly used my maiden name for business and the hyphenated on everything financial.

I'm remarried and haven't changed it, yet. Mainly for professional reasons, everyone knows me by my maiden or first marriage name..... plus, my late husband's name is well known and can my life easier in the state which is like a small town. Oddly, some of my late husband's family wants me to keep the name too.

But when all the dust settles I will take my new husband's name because it matters to him.

[Pikantari]

When I got married I used a hyphen. I had lost my father just 5 months earlier and I felt it important to keep his name. Now I am divorced and I have only my fathers name.

Do plan to marry again but there will be no hyphenation.

[2mares]

Originally Posted by malamute

The irony is that it's actually another man's last name these women are clinging onto -- their father's last name.

[quote=orangeapple;33481429]I always saw last name as partly functioning to connect you to your family. When you marry, you form a new family unit. It makes sense then that you share a name. This is especially true if you have kids.

Of course, nowadays it could be the man taking the woman's last name. But that's often your father's last name, so you have a man's name either way.
quote]

Not if you make it your last name, then it becomes a woman's last name. Is a man's name any more or less his father's name. I always considered my original last name to be my last name not my fathers.

[Kibbiekat]

Originally Posted by coastalbum

Anybody else still strongly believe in tradition like me and keep the man's family name in marriage. I am a man and my wife took my last name. No hyphen with her last name and mine, just my last name. And, did not keep her last name when we married like some women do!!
I really appreciate women that take the last name of the man, and keep the tradition.

Most people still do this, as far as I can tell.

I did because it is traditional and because my maiden name was odd. I was glad to be rid of it. I only know a few who kept their names and even fewer who hyphenate. I know one couple where both the husband and wife changed their names to both names with a hyphen. The only problem with that is that all the kids have hyphenated last names, so what happens when they get married and have to decide on a last name? You could end up with a long and cumbersome set of last names, or be forced to choose one over another.

[2mares]

Originally Posted by somebodynew

I wonder if it differs by state? I don't remember getting a new social security card or driver's license. For all the rest of it, I guess it was coincidence of our situation. I had no credit cards or passport or cell phones for that matter. We moved in to a new place afterward.

I learned something new today!

Originally Posted by Dewdrop93

It's a big hassle. You start with getting a new social security card - then you have to get a new driver's license. You have to go to the DMV because you also need to get a new picture. Then you have to change your name on your passport, credit cards, bills, cell phone, insurance, etc. - and most of the time you have to provide them with a copy of your marriage certificate, social security card or driver's license, and you have to fill out some forms. And years later, I still find things that I didn't change over.

Originally Posted by Dewdrop93

I'm pretty sure that if you want to legally change your name - you have to get a new social security card and driver's license - no matter what state you live in. If you don't change it on your social security card - then you haven't legally changed your name.

When I married (the second time) I never bothered to change most of my documents because of the hassle. My first husband died so all my personals remained in his last name. I slide by for almost 10 years while married to husband #2 and would go by both names. I did have to use my married name on joint mortgage documents even though my SS and DL, W-2 and tax forms were still in my first married name. I assume my second married name was legal, IDK, when we divorced I had to request a different name. It did make it much easier after the divorce because all my major documents were still in my previous name (I kept my first husbands name after my divorce to my second husband instead of taking back my maiden name). It can get a bit complicated.

Not that I believe I will ever marry again, but if I do I will keep the name I have. After 30+ years its kind of stuck.

[Tintlelli]

It's interesting to hear what others do with their surnames. I used to think that having hyphenated last names were weird just because no one in my family has them, but now I think they're kind of cool. Last year I read Roger Ebert's book Life Itself in which he mentioned that his wife Chaz's last name was Hammel-Smith (don't know if they're her parents' names or one of them is an ex), and when they married she became Chaz Hammelsmith Ebert. Roger joked that we can't have someone going around with three last names, can we? Well then again some cultures regularly accept three last names once, which would confuse me!

[2mares]

Originally Posted by the minx

It's interesting how many women say they would change their name for superficial reasons: their last name is too long, hard to say, or not exotic enough.

I wonder what it is that makes some people care and others not?

I didn't think twice about it my first marriage. I was young and its what you did. And I was teased mercilessly growing up because of my last name and was glad to take an easier more common last name. I really didn't intentionally not take my second husbands last name, it just kind of worked out that way. I never really thought it was an odd or funny name until a couple little boys laughed and made jokes about it one evening after we were called for our table at a restaurant.

I wouldn't take a husbands last name at this stage of my life because I'm older and wiser and just a contrary ol' feminist.

[aliss2]

More than happy to get rid of my name BUT it's not legal here to change it, so my kid's have a different surname than me, they have their dad's, while I still have my dad's name Bah

[TabulaRasa]

Originally Posted by 2mares

Not if you make it your last name, then it becomes a woman's last name.

By this logic, the same would hold true of the choice to take a spouse's last name.

[TabulaRasa]

Originally Posted by Kibbiekat

Most people still do this, as far as I can tell.

I did because it is traditional and because my maiden name was odd. I was glad to be rid of it. I only know a few who kept their names and even fewer who hyphenate. I know one couple where both the husband and wife changed their names to both names with a hyphen. The only problem with that is that all the kids have hyphenated last names, so what happens when they get married and have to decide on a last name? You could end up with a long and cumbersome set of last names, or be forced to choose one over another.

One of my friends' moms did, not a hyphenate, but a compound surname when she married. So she went from "Mary Smith" to Mary Smith Jones, no hyphen. Her daughters were Emily Smith Jones and Katie Smith Jones, had both parents' surnames. When Emily married, she stayed Smith Jones, didn't take her husband's last name at all. When Katie married, she dropped the Smith and Jones and took her husband's surname.