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Just out of curiosity, city-data, what do you want/expect out of life? Not just relationship-wise, but overall?
Let's see. I'll try to sum it up.
I am currently in college. After college, I want to get a job I enjoy that pays decent money. Doesn't need to be a six figure job, I just want enough to live comfortably. My dad makes a lot of money so I know there are sacrifices that go along with making a lot of money...his job would be way too demanding for me. I don't care if I have a big house either. Since I'm going to be a lifelong bachelor, I don't need a big house.
That's one of the reasons I don't want kids. They're so expensive these days and I don't want a six figure job. Call me selfish, but I want to spend my money on myself instead of scraping by because I have to support a baby I don't want. And when I go home, I want to relax. I don't want to deal with a family.
My uncle was a bachelor until he got married at 40. When he was a bachelor, I thought he lived the ideal lifestyle. He became a dad at 42 and now he's 45. His kids really dictate what my aunt and uncle can do and when. I want to be free to do things on my own schedule. I'm certainly not envious of my uncle's lifestyle anymore. I like freedom, I don't want a wife and kids to tie me down.
Relationship-wise, I'd be open to the idea of a girlfriend, but I never want to get married. I don't know what my dating life will be like in the future because no one can predict the future. But I really have no control over my dating life. I must be doing something wrong since no one is interested in me.
Overall, I think people should do what makes them happy. The stereotypical lifestyle of marriage, kids, and the picket fence is not the lifestyle for me. I don't like when people act like there's something wrong with me just because I don't want the stereotypical lifestyle of the average person.
Last edited by city_data91; 01-11-2011 at 05:14 PM..
I am currently in college. After college, I want to get a job I enjoy that pays decent money. Doesn't need to be a six figure job, I just want enough to live comfortably. My dad makes a lot of money so I know there are sacrifices that go along with making a lot of money...his job would be way too demanding for me.
That's one of the reasons I don't want kids. They're so expensive these days and I don't want a six figure job. Call me selfish, but I want to spend my money on myself instead of scraping by because I have to support a baby I don't want. And when I go home, I want to relax. I don't want to deal with a family.
My uncle was a bachelor until he got married at 40. When he was a bachelor, I thought he lived the ideal lifestyle. He became a dad at 42 and now he's 45. His kids really dictate what my aunt and uncle can do and when. I want to be free to do things on my own schedule. I'm certainly not envious of my uncle's lifestyle anymore. I like freedom, I don't want a wife and kids to tie me down.
Relationship-wise, I'd be open to the idea of a girlfriend, but I never want to get married. I don't know what my dating life will be like in the future because no one can predict the future. But I really have no control over my dating life. I must be doing something wrong since no one is interested in me.
1. You do have control over your dating life. It's a cop out to say that you don't. It alleviates you of any responsibility over yourself to say it's out of your hands.
2. I can guarantee that being so selfish (not wanting kids, not wanting to give of yourself, wanting to keep all your money, not wanting to be bothered) is going to backfire in the end when it's too late to change your course. You will end up a lonely, bitter person if you live like this.*
*This is not a judgment on people who don't want kids. But the vitriol shown by this young man towards children along with his own description of his selfishness led me to include the not wanting kids part.
1. You do have control over your dating life. It's a cop out to say that you don't. It alleviates you of any responsibility over yourself to say it's out of your hands.
2. I can guarantee that being so selfish (not wanting kids, not wanting to give of yourself, wanting to keep all your money, not wanting to be bothered) is going to backfire in the end when it's too late to change your course. You will end up a lonely, bitter person if you live like this.*
*This is not a judgment on people who don't want kids. But the vitriol shown by this young man towards children along with his own description of his selfishness led me to include the not wanting kids part.
If no one wants to date me, there's not much I can do about that. Don't give me "you need to change" because that's counter-productive. Why should I pretend to be someone I'm not just to get a date? I want someone that likes me for who I am.
I have control over my dating life, but only to a certain extent. In order to get a date, I need someone that wants to date me. If no one wants to date me, I'm going to stay single.
Wanting a girlfriend is only half of it. The other half is finding someone that wants me too.
Thank you for being upfront and not claiming women are not really like that, afterward; or, that some women don't play those games and that those games don't exist. I can respect that form of true witness bearing, simply for the holiness and morality of that moral, as a form of moral absolutism and codified for some religious as a moral Commandment. In my opinion, it should always be used for goodness and not badness, as in the example you use to illustrate the concept.
Why do women get jealous of guys for being with dumb bimbos for five minutes a night? In my opinion, if women can be "trusted" with that form of relating then so can guys, simply because nice guys can do it better as a form of male equality. We understand that it is "your" vagina, so you women must understand that it can be "our" relationship to give.
From that perspective, it doesn't make much sense for women to want to be the only one, unless they have an ulterior motive.
Maybe you can help me understand a form of double standard from women who don't like being asked for sex, but don't mind asking for a relationship as an analogous equivalent to something they claim to dislike? We already know women always want a relationship as much as guys always want sex.
Honestly, as far as games go with hot women & hot, 'bad boy' men, it's pretty simple. What you see on the surface is her going home with him but it doesn't last. All these women have are cosmetic surgery payments & unwanted children financial needs on their minds. They enjoy an occasional hook-up with the hot bad boy but usually end up with a rich, older, ugly guy to support them.
What you should know is these types of women are a breed unto themselves. Very different from a cute girl who gets offended when you proposition her. Attractive/cute girls who have substance want the same in a man. Her needs are very different than the above described bimbo.
I know of what I speak. I lived in LA for 10 years, seen it all & had to fight off the bimbo label by being more modest in how I presented myself as all people saw was what you looked like.
Real life example: I befriended a self-described model in LA. She had no female friends & I was new in town & had no clue about these types of girls. Turns out she used me to drive her to a club to meet a bad boy, they go home together, screw once & he never calls her back. She's beside herself, I have to listen to her for hours about how awful he is but she'd take him back in a second. It's ALL about HER. She couldn't give a sh*t about anyone else. Needless to say, they never see each other again.
A month goes by and I meet that guy & he doesn't remember me. We end up going out for three months and I never had sex with him. Things ended because although hot & very rich, he was shallow & stupid and wasn't up to par for me. What lacked in him was SUBSTANCE. That is major for me in attraction.
A good front with nothing to offer is just that. So all those girls who go for the bad guys are just lonely, pathetic & truly unhappy. And I've dated these bad guys and some were sweet underneath but didn't have much to offer in the long run. What you see is not what you get by a mile.
Of course physical attraction is important, I'm not saying it isn't. And I don't think it's shallow either to want that. But I'd rather have it all. Intelligence, values and a soul helps to fill in whatever a person may lack on the exterior to make them truly hot in my eyes.
If no one wants to date me, there's not much I can do about that. Don't give me "you need to change" because that's counter-productive. Why should I pretend to be someone I'm not just to get a date? I want someone that likes me for who I am.
I have control over my dating life, but only to a certain extent. In order to get a date, I need someone that wants to date me. If no one wants to date me, I'm going to stay single.
Wanting a girlfriend is only half of it. The other half is finding someone that wants me too.
Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
Albert Einstein
Is that just something women say? If it is, then I expect them to say the same thing in this thread. Women will almost always say that they are looking for a nice or good guy but I think most know women seem to be attracted more to men who mistreat them and put them down. You know, guys who are not nice. So, why do women constantly say that they are looking for a "nice guy" when in reality that is not what they want because that is not what they choose? Do they say that just in case word of it gets back to their Mother or Father?
I wouldn't chalk it up to what women want. I would attribute this "mistake" to simple bad judge in male character.
Men and women are different, we are different species, I don't care what anyone says. We also think completely different. So some men in this world know what to say to a woman to decieve her. When she starts dating a man she truly believes there's a good chance he's a great guy, but over time the real dbag personality comes out and they find themselves in a relationship with a guy they want to believe is a good guy (based on their early dating period) but takes time to realize this is who he really is...a dbag. That's why you see women with jerks or guys who mistreat them. It doesn't happen overnight, they realize they're dating a jerk over time.
It's not that these women decide to pursue a jerk, no one WANTS that....it's just a poor judge in character mixed in with deception on the guy's part.
Women do it too, they can be btches later on in relationship, or even the btchy side may not come out until marriage. Everyone can seem great at first, it's later on that you truly get to know the person that you can make a fair judgement.
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as a form of male equality. We understand that it is "your" vagina, so you women must understand that it can be "our" relationship to give.
