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Wow - where in the world do you live where people treat you like this? I am not so naive or young as to believe there isn't some racism out there, but jeez - sounds like you live in Klansville GA or somewhere.
That explains part of it NY = rude, belligerent, in your face, disrespectful, hateful, and yes - racist.
I am from West Virginia, a place considered racist by many, but my nephew (white) dated a lovely black girl (a West Virginian) for over two years, and they even moved out of state together, but she ended up moving back east (broke up with him) and neither he nor she was ever treated like the stuff you're talking about.
I just wanted to mention that as a Black person, I am noticing that a lot of Black men are doing this to Black women. It's kind of sad and is the result of many factors. Basically, I notice a lot of Black men are acting as though there are no Black women who are compatible with them. It's not all Black men, but I've noticed that a lot of Black men that are with White women do this to Black women. I find it hard to understand the mindset of these Black men. They seem to think that all Black women are the same and what that does is keep distance between Black men and Black women, it's sad.
As for the direct topic, I think that some people just prefer a certain look and don't feel attracted to certain features that are common amongst a specific "race" of people. I find that find. If someone doesn't have a natural attraction to light, dark, thick, slim, etc. features then that's their right.
Hey perhaps you did just google them, but I think it's completely coincidental that you those same pics that are on those websites connected to the same speech your were making before.
As I've mentioned, I've been on several forums before both predominantly black and some mixed, and whenever this topic arises, a 'recruiter' enters the discussion and begins to introduce this idea that black women are "loyalists" who are "depriving" themselves who need to be open to "better" options lol. It never fails.
I don't know what you do but I don't frequent any other internet forums besides this one and one's about style/fashion/make-up/hair....so sorry, I'm not a part of a conspiracy.
My specific advice to Black women (the ones who have expressed having problems with finding love) is be to open to non-Black men as options for romantic relationships. But I also advise that Black women work on making themselves better "catches" all around. (I made a list somewhere in this thread but I'm not going to hunt it down)
The reason that I say what I do about this issue is because (in my case) the same Black friends have had the same complaints about men for as long as I can remember. While other friends have no problem. And there is a distant difference in the thoughts/beliefs/attitudes about men/overall attitudes/etc between the two groups. I am tired of the same women, who complain about not having a man, but who will whip out a mile-long list of must-haves that are absolutely ridiculous (and beyond unrealistic)
That explains part of it NY = rude, belligerent, in your face, disrespectful, hateful, and yes - racist.
I am from West Virginia, a place considered racist by many, but my nephew (white) dated a lovely black girl (a West Virginian) for over two years, and they even moved out of state together, but she ended up moving back east (broke up with him) and neither he nor she was ever treated like the stuff you're talking about.
Cross-racial dating (b/w) seems to be more common in the south than in the north. Not sure why.
I'm not opposed to it. My experience has made me hesitant, though. I just want to be loved for me, and if there's something about me that's going to make someone uncomfortable or resent me, I would prefer to be with someone else.
I'm not opposed to it. My experience has made me hesitant, though. I just want to be loved for me, and if there's something about me that's going to make someone uncomfortable or resent me, I would prefer to be with someone else.
Bolded part.
That is the real key to this whole mess we call life.
If that comes from an interracial pairing, fine, if not, equally fine.
I have NEVER done online dating so I don't have experience in that realm. And I actually do not even like the idea of online dating for reasons of experiences that you listed.
Have I every had an experience like the ones you are describing? Yes, but it was not online, it was to my face. I normally wouldn't even go there but I will...
I was a sophmore in college (in So Cal) and a group of my girlfriends (2 Black, 1 White, 1 Asian) and I (Black) went to hang out with a group of guys (all Black, 4 guys) at their apartment. No hooking up, just hanging out and talking. At some point someone asked the guys if they could only chose 2 of us to date, who would they pick. Each and every guy picked our White and Asian friends. Then someone else asked which one of the Black girls (1 light, 1 medium brown which was me, and 1 dark) they would ask out out. And one guy (from DC, where they have a tendency to be "colorstruck") said "the other two are prettier but I would chose the light skin one). OK, whatever, that was their preference. But later on, someone mentioned that I was currently dating someone (who happened to not be Black) and these same guys started acting disgusted, offended and asking why I didn't date "brothers". It was hypocrisy at its finest. So I do "get it".
I think that had I not already dated non-Black guys or not had non-Black boyfriends,that experience may have "scarred" me but it was a "keep it moving" type of moment. At the time I remember being insulted not only by their choices but by their reaction upon hearing that I exercise my options, too.
But back to the online dating, the reason that I don't like the idea or even believe in it is because it is very easy to screen out the people who would be the love of your life. Thinking about amazing relationships that I've had and guys that I have dated, we never would have met online.
There's a situation I been in where me and my gf's were at the Jersey Shore partying several years ago (hardy har har, I know) and it played out similar to the one you're talking about. I don't even wish to go into specifics....But suddenly race is brought up & we're all pitted against one another based on racial features. it is the men pulling the strings in this game.... and as I said earlier in this thread, a lot of times you are trying to be so damn "positive" & 'just another girl' like the rest -- yet someone will bring it up and it NEVER fails. I never had any issues with trying to date outside my race but that ended up with me looking stupid.
I mean it's true you could've been 'scarred' for life over that incidence in college but as you said you were already dating someone and then dated other men since that incidence. Things look a lot of differently when you were never in the running in the first place though. Not just pertaining to race but in general people that have had as you called it 'amazing relationships' have cause and reason to beleive there's more like them out there.
I don't know what you do but I don't frequent any other internet forums besides this one and one's about style/fashion/make-up/hair....so sorry, I'm not a part of a conspiracy.
My specific advice to Black women (the ones who have expressed having problems with finding love) is be to open to non-Black men as options for romantic relationships. But I also advise that Black women work on making themselves better "catches" all around. (I made a list somewhere in this thread but I'm not going to hunt it down)
The reason that I say what I do about this issue is because (in my case) the same Black friends have had the same complaints about men for as long as I can remember. While other friends have no problem. And there is a distant difference in the thoughts/beliefs/attitudes about men/overall attitudes/etc between the two groups. I am tired of the same women, who complain about not having a man, but who will whip out a mile-long list of must-haves that are absolutely ridiculous (and beyond unrealistic)
Eh .. the whole thing is messy.
Being a Black person, I'm pretty invested in my community: the Black community. With that said, I have always noticed the issues and topics that exist amongst Black men and Black women.
Being a Black person that grew up around different types of people and who doesn't fit the stereotypes that society tries to place upon us, I can see things from the different perspectives.
I know Black men that are angry at Black women and are also angry at the reality that they themselves are Black. It's very saddening and it hurts sometimes. I'm not speaking from the standpoint of a Black woman, but as a Black person that would love to see unity within our community. There are people that think that we Black women who speak on this are scorned, upset or jealous. No, I am simply a Black person that has observed the psychological and social elements of interracial dating for some Black men and want to know where it went wrong, LOL.
Being a Black woman that doesn't really fit the stereotypes that give us a negative reputation puts me in a specific position with the Black men who avoid the kind of Black women who DO fit the stereotype. The mere fact that women such as myself ARE Black often allows those type of Black men to discriminate against me. I always found the discrimination by Black men towards Black women (and vice versa) to be interesting because that is the same thing that other races have been doing to us for years and here we are doing it to one another.
But anyway, I find that the Black men who have written off Black women are very judgemental of Black women such as myself and we don't even get a chance to get to know educated Black men who are into different things, have hobbies that are compatible with our own. Society judges Black women. Being a young Black woman who speaks several different languages, stays active, has an education, and speaks proper English would make me compatible with the Black men who do the same, right? No, not when they themselves pre-judge me based on my skin color themselves.
I recall many times when a Black man simply appears angry at me and other Black women just because we are symbolic of what he is trying to avoid. Yet, when a White woman or group of White people come around, that same Black man is offering up greetings, "Hello's" and "How are you's?" It's amazing. Before we even open our mouths or express our hobbies, interests or backgrounds, experiences, we are judged by the Black man that has written Black women off.
Once again, I say that it is sad. It is sad because I always felt that having unity amongst one another as Black people was a beautiful thing. I believe in unity amongst ALL people, but when so many Black people make it a point to outcast themselves from other Black people based off of pre-judgement, it is unfortunate. Many Black men feel that they have no choice but to date outside of their race to "achieve" that feeling of success. I know many Black women who are beautiful, interesting people.
I really admire the Black men who didn't give up on finding a compatible Black woman. It takes a lot of effort to find that compatible person when you feel like you are not the norm. I date men who are not Black, but I never gave up on Black men who share my interests. I know that the Black men who feel they only can date outside of their race have felt that way, but they should be more open-minded.
To add, I believe in the term "self-hatred." For centuries (yes, centuries), Black people have been encouraged and forced to seek something else other than being Black to feel accepted. From our skin to our hair, we have been brainwashed. I know people that have even commented on how they want to have babies with someone who is not Black just to have a child with "good hair" or "pretty eyes." Now tell me that that isn't sad.
Being a Black person, I'm pretty invested in my community: the Black community. With that said, I have always noticed the issues and topics that exist amongst Black men and Black women.
Being a Black person that grew up around different types of people and who doesn't fit the stereotypes that society tries to place upon us, I can see things from the different perspectives.
I know Black men that are angry at Black women and are also angry at the reality that they themselves are Black. It's very saddening and it hurts sometimes. I'm not speaking from the standpoint of a Black woman, but as a Black person that would love to see unity within our community. There are people that think that we Black women who speak on this are scorned, upset or jealous. No, I am simply a Black person that has observed the psychological and social elements of interracial dating for some Black men and want to know where it went wrong, LOL.
Being a Black woman that doesn't really fit the stereotypes that give us a negative reputation puts me in a specific position with the Black men who avoid the kind of Black women who DO fit the stereotype. The mere fact that women such as myself ARE Black often allows those type of Black men to discriminate against me. I always found the discrimination by Black men towards Black women (and vice versa) to be interesting because that is the same thing that other races have been doing to us for years and here we are doing it to one another.
But anyway, I find that the Black men who have written off Black women are very judgemental of Black women such as myself and we don't even get a chance to get to know educated Black men who are into different things, have hobbies that are compatible with our own. Society judges Black women. Being a young Black woman who speaks several different languages, stays active, has an education, and speaks proper English would make me compatible with the Black men who do the same, right? No, not when they themselves pre-judge me based on my skin color themselves.
I recall many times when a Black man simply appears angry at me and other Black women just because we are symbolic of what he is trying to avoid. Yet, when a White woman or group of White people come around, that same Black man is offering up greetings, "Hello's" and "How are you's?" It's amazing. Before we even open our mouths or express our hobbies, interests or backgrounds, experiences, we are judged by the Black man that has written Black women off.
Once again, I say that it is sad. It is sad because I always felt that having unity amongst one another as Black people was a beautiful thing. I believe in unity amongst ALL people, but when so many Black people make it a point to outcast themselves from other Black people based off of pre-judgement, it is unfortunate. Many Black men feel that they have no choice but to date outside of their race to "achieve" that feeling of success. I know many Black women who are beautiful, interesting people.
I really admire the Black men who didn't give up on finding a compatible Black woman. It takes a lot of effort to find that compatible person when you feel like you are not the norm. I date men who are not Black, but I never gave up on Black men who share my interests. I know that the Black men who feel they only can date outside of their race have felt that way, but they should be more open-minded.
To add, I believe in the term "self-hatred." For centuries (yes, centuries), Black people have been encouraged and forced to seek something else other than being Black to feel accepted. From our skin to our hair, we have been brainwashed. I know people that have even commented on how they want to have babies with someone who is not Black just to have a child with "good hair" or "pretty eyes." Now tell me that that isn't sad.
All very true and the observations on this issue are so very deep. Also, very sad.
I actually do wonder what it would take to have everyone truly come to a "meeting of the minds" about accepting one's self in the truest sense of the word.
There's a situation I been in where me and my gf's were at the Jersey Shore partying several years ago (hardy har har, I know) and it played out similar to the one you're talking about. I don't even wish to go into specifics....But suddenly race is brought up & we're all pitted against one another based on racial features. it is the men pulling the strings in this game.... and as I said earlier in this thread, a lot of times you are trying to be so damn "positive" & 'just another girl' like the rest -- yet someone will bring it up and it NEVER fails. I never had any issues with trying to date outside my race but that ended up with me looking stupid.
I mean it's true you could've been 'scarred' for life over that incidence in college but as you said you were already dating someone and then dated other men since that incidence. Things look a lot of differently when you were never in the running in the first place though. Not just pertaining to race but in general people that have had as you called it 'amazing relationships' have cause and reason to beleive there's more like them out there.
I think that the worst part of that incident for me was the double standard. And I hate to admit it but I have had Black men (strangers no less) say some really "not so nice" things because I'm on a date and the man happens to not be Black. And in one case actually threatened (that's a long and scary story). Seriously, I have never understood the guilt trips or snide comments. But that is definitely a discussion for another thread.
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