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I wouldn't want to sit in dread for the next nine months either. You could call her and say, "I'm sorry for the way our earlier conversation went. This is has been a shock for both of us and I really do not know what to expect." (True statements, right?) "Can you tell me anything about ... ?"
Somebody earlier said that accusing her of trying to trap you or extort money out of you would put her on the defensive. I agree. If she is telling the truth, you won't have burned any bridges, and if she's lying she'll disappear or claim she had a miscarriage.
I wouldn't want to sit in dread for the next nine months either. You could call her and say, "I'm sorry for the way our earlier conversation went. This is has been a shock for both of us and I really do not know what to expect." (True statements, right?) "Can you tell me anything about ... ?"
Somebody earlier said that accusing her of trying to trap you or extort money out of you would put her on the defensive. I agree. If she is telling the truth, you won't have burned any bridges, and if she's lying she'll disappear or claim she had a miscarriage.
Although this type of suggestion sounds reasonable, I can't help but worry that the more she's able to draw him into the scenario, the more that could potentially be viewed as admission of culpability on his part. "It's been a shock for both of us", as if they're in this together. They aren't in it together until she can prove he's the father.
idk, I think the OP should try to get some free legal advice about how to proceed from here, and also ask what happens if she puts his name on the birth certificate, but a DNA test proves it's not his baby (if there is a pregnancy). Probably it wouldn't hurt for him to ask for a copy of the ultrasound report or pregnancy test results, though. It would be interesting to know her reaction to that simple request.
Although this type of suggestion sounds reasonable, I can't help but worry that the more she's able to draw him into the scenario, the more that could potentially be viewed as admission of culpability on his part. "It's been a shock for both of us", as if they're in this together. They aren't in it together until she can prove he's the father.
idk, I think the OP should try to get some free legal advice about how to proceed from here, and also ask what happens if she puts his name on the birth certificate, but a DNA test proves it's not his baby (if there is a pregnancy). Probably it wouldn't hurt for him to ask for a copy of the ultrasound report or pregnancy test results, though.
I agree. OP, get advice on this from the laws in your state.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesnt the father have to sign an Acknowledgment of Paternity or be there to actually sign the birth certificate, otherwise the fathers name will not go on the birth certificate even if he IS the father? Therefore she can't pin it on him by doing that (assuming she is pregnant). I had one kid 6yrs ago, so idk if laws for this have changed, been introduced, etc...
Although this type of suggestion sounds reasonable, I can't help but worry that the more she's able to draw him into the scenario, the more that could potentially be viewed as admission of culpability on his part. "It's been a shock for both of us", as if they're in this together. They aren't in it together until she can prove he's the father.
idk, I think the OP should try to get some free legal advice about how to proceed from here, and also ask what happens if she puts his name on the birth certificate, but a DNA test proves it's not his baby (if there is a pregnancy). Probably it wouldn't hurt for him to ask for a copy of the ultrasound report or pregnancy test results, though. It would be interesting to know her reaction to that simple request.
If she really is pregnant, it's going to boil down to a paternity test anyway. Someone else pointed out that she can't just put anyone down on the birth certificate and sue for child support, and I believe that is accurate. I am not sure whether a perception of culpability would mean anything, because if she fails the paternity test it doesn't matter what he said till that point.
I am not sure whether a perception of culpability would mean anything, because if she fails the paternity test it doesn't matter what he said till that point.
True, this.
So, on whom is the burden of proof?
Can he ignore any of her claims until she provides proof? Or can she say he's the father and get away with it, until he gets a legally-ordered paternity test? OP, maybe you can spend the weekend researching this online.
To confirm the pregnancy, couldn't he ask her to mail him a copy of the (alleged) ultrasound report? If she balks, that's good grounds for suspicion that it's all fake.
Is it common practice for the doc to send a woman home with a copy of the report? I would assume this is something that is kept in her medical records but not necessarily offered up without solicitation at the end of her visit. If that's the case, she'd have the usable excuse that she doesn't have time to get it from the doc or whatever else...
well the thing thats striking me as more odd is that she is 3 wks preg. a doctor usually goes by her first day of her last menstrual period. by her saying that she is 3 weeks because the dr told her so, then that means she wouldve had to start her period the day you guys had sex. or the day before or after.
a woman usually gets pregnant around the time she is ovulating. thats why they have ovulation tests/predictors for couples trying for a baby. the dr would have either dated her back from her last period or they would have enough on the ultrasound to visually date it. either way, its still to early for HCG levels to be in the high numbers. it usually keeps increasing as the pregnancy progresses. her doctor would see how early she is and know that the levels are low because her pregnancy is very very early.
she may be setting up the "spontaneous loss of pregnancy" for when you start talking to her or giving her the attention she wants or if you guys get on better terms. she is getting the wheels in motion to protect her lie so that you will feel bad for her. like i said earlier, ANY attention is good attention to some people.
if you ask her those questions about the pregnancy that i mentioned earlier to ask and she starts getting all defensive then u know its her possibly faking this pregnancy. those are not intrusive questions..especially if shes claiming your the father. and ask them non chalantly in a conversation. dont fall into her trap of saying anything like "wow, we are gonna be parents"etc.. ask her
use some psychology on her.. if she accusues you of being intrusive then you tell her..
"u tell me im the father, so when i ask about the baby..im intrusive?"
"i ask to see an ultasound picture and u tell me im too intrusive"
"why r u getting all defensive for? i really dont know anything about pregnancies thats why im asking"
all i know is that alot of women would be very insulted and extremely hurt if their babys father refuses to believe or accept the pregnancy. stuff like that would make a woman very angry with the man to the point that she shows him 100% legit proof and inviting them to go to a drs appt with them OR wanting absolutely nothing to do with the guy so it makes me wonder why she wants to see you, have coffee with you, spend time with you .. all that.
it seems like as soon as you told her that u didnt want to see her again, she got pregnant.
i totally forgot to tell you this..ask her the due date.. if she stumbles on the question,, or has to get back to you then um yeah, shes probably faking because just about every woman knows their due date. unless she planned this lie all tooo well.
Yesterday I asked her a number of questions, such as which types of tests the Dr performed, which Dr. she sees, etc. She seemed to be getting irritated that I was asking questions, saying "I don't care if you believe me, I know the truth and that's all that matters." Then later she texted me to say that I had insulted her with all my questions...
Then, this afternoon she texted me today to ask if I wanted to get a coffee with her. Quite a quick turn around. What do you think? A devious ploy to get attention? Is she just trying to maintain contact with me in an effort to keep me in her life? It's hard to tell, because if she really is pregnant and it's mine I don't want to be a cold a$$hole, but I just have a very hard time trusting anything she says. Not at all going to meet her for coffee, but just trying to interpret her behavior and communications.
I think she is trying to get you to have sex with her again so that you can really get her pregnant. Just get an attorney and don't give her (your ons) any money.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
It's hard to know how to interpret this without knowing what you said. If you told her you didn't believe her, then she would be justified here. If you didn't say that, and just asked questions about the test and the doctor, something any concerned potential father would be interested in, then you may be able to cry foul.
What makes this whole thing suspicious to me is how it all started; SHE contacted YOU proposing casual sex. Then afterwards, she badgered you for lots more hook-ups. Even on CL that would be unusual. And you say you were very careful with the condom, no chance that any fluid touched her before you put on the condom? Then you would be justified in telling her not to contact you until she can prove the child is yours.
Now I'm wondering how he disposed of these condoms. Unless he flushed them down the toilet she could have retrieved them and used them to impregnate herself.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJulia
If she really is pregnant, it's going to boil down to a paternity test anyway. Someone else pointed out that she can't just put anyone down on the birth certificate and sue for child support, and I believe that is accurate. I am not sure whether a perception of culpability would mean anything, because if she fails the paternity test it doesn't matter what he said till that point.
In states like Kansas, in order to have the right to challenge a child being placed for adoption, soon after being born, the potential father must begin providing financial support starting at least 3 months into the pregnancy. However, if the potential father begins paying, and later learns he is not the father of the child, he could be required to continue paying.
Did I mention that the op shouldn't give her any money?
Last edited by trishguard; 02-01-2013 at 08:23 PM..
Is it common practice for the doc to send a woman home with a copy of the report? I would assume this is something that is kept in her medical records but not necessarily offered up without solicitation at the end of her visit. If that's the case, she'd have the usable excuse that she doesn't have time to get it from the doc or whatever else...
A patient can request a copy of anything in his/her file. And there's no excuse, because all she has to do is call the doc's office and request that a copy be sent to her. But you're right that she probably doesn't have anything in hand right now. She'd have to have it sent to her, then fwd it on to you.
wow trishguard, thats crazy that kansas has such a law! to even be declared not the father, u still might be required to pay?! wow.
thats a good thought too. Don Leon, how did you disposed of the condoms? did u flush them or throw them out.
OMG!!! u knw what i just thought.?!!.what IF, she is lying about being pregnant, and then she wants the op to hang out with her and then maybe one thing leads to another and they are having sex again and she talks him into not wearing a condom because she is pregnant already? meanwhile she really isnt but could possibly get pregnant in this case the 4th time around?
ok i think since u dont trust her intentions or even her word on things, i think its best to not see her or give her any money. maybe this is a scam. let her text you a picture of the ultrasound.. and /or if u want.. meet her at the drs office for her appt. then u could hear from the doctor how far along she is and all that. if she doesnt want you to go to the doctors office with her, then tahts another sign that she could be faking it. especially since she wants you to be involved in her life .. asking you out and all that, etc.
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