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Me and my girlfriend have been in a relationship for almost 3 years now. We're very much in love with one another. She's my best friend, my lover, my everything. However, there's one problem here, and that is we're also eachothers first. She's the first girl I've ever had sex with and I'm the first guy she has ever had sex with. We both talk about moving in with eachother one day. We never talk about marriage, quite frankly, we just don't believe in marriage because there are too many risks involved. We don't only see marriage absent for OUR future, but also, for BOTH our futures (we just don't really believe in it *shrugs*).
Anyway, we both want to settle down with one another some day. However, we're both scared of settling (now). We both want to "get it out our system" before we decide to make that decision. Since we both haven't had other sexual partners we believe it would be a disaster to settle for eachother before playing the field.
We really don't want to break up, we're a team, she supports me, and I support her. We've faced issues in the past, mostly on my part, but I'm completely over that phase.
Does anyone know how I feel?
Can anyone help us?
What do you think we (me and my girl) should do about these feelings?
But you both admit you are not even committed to each other.
You should agree to date other people. It's what you both say you want. Your description of your relationship sounds very childlike, and I agree that you need to mature but by being in relationship with other people, not just having sex with others just to say you did.
You both have a lot of growing up to do. Free yourselves NOW so you can do that. If you find yourselves back together after a couple of years, THEN you can discuss moving in. But now is WAY too early.
Playing the field will not bring clarity or happiness, it will not solve any problems, prevent relationship disasters or scratch an itch. It will create distance between you, insecurity, and ruin your trust and intimacy, IMO. Lucky you for having found each other. If it is only the two of you for the rest of your lives, you have something wonderful and unique. You don't have to "settle" or move in together, just enjoy what you have. It is hard to find.
Me and my girlfriend have been in a relationship for almost 3 years now. We're very much in love with one another. She's my best friend, my lover, my everything. However, there's one problem here, and that is we're also eachothers first. She's the first girl I've ever had sex with and I'm the first guy she has ever had sex with. We both talk about moving in with eachother one day. We never talk about marriage, quite frankly, we just don't believe in marriage because there are too many risks involved. We don't only see marriage absent for OUR future, but also, for BOTH our futures (we just don't really believe in it *shrugs*).
Anyway, we both want to settle down with one another some day. However, we're both scared of settling (now). We both want to "get it out our system" before we decide to make that decision. Since we both haven't had other sexual partners we believe it would be a disaster to settle for eachother before playing the field.
We really don't want to break up, we're a team, she supports me, and I support her. We've faced issues in the past, mostly on my part, but I'm completely over that phase.
Does anyone know how I feel?
Can anyone help us?
What do you think we (me and my girl) should do about these feelings?
BTW I'm 23 and she's 20
I am going to say something you may not want to hear.
The chances that the person you are with in your early 20s is the one you'll end up with for life are vanishingly small. It can happen, but it is pretty rare.
That said, I think you are being more sensible about this than many people your age. Consider opening up your relationship a bit. No need to break up. Just switch from a strict monogamous relationship to what you might call a "monogamish" arrangement. Keep identifying each other as your primary partner. Just allow a little leeway when it comes to sexual exploration.
One warning: if you decide to open up your relationship, you may find is far easier for her to find other partners than it is for you. Far easier. The number of men who are willing to have sex with attached women is huge; the number of women willing to have sex with attached men is much smaller. This could turn into a source of tension between you.
Tough call. I know 2 couples like this one has been married for 14 years the other 22 years. The 14 yr one is very happy. The 22 one has issues but it all depends on how you treat and respect one another.
If you both are courious then you are no where near where these two couples are.
Tough call. I know 2 couples like this one has been married for 14 years the other 22 years. The 14 yr one is very happy. The 22 one has issues but it all depends on how you treat and respect one another.
If you both are courious then you are no where near where these two couples are.
Wait, I don't understand your post...
You say you know 2 couples like me and my girlfriend, but then say that if we're curious then we are nowhere near those two. Can you elaborate a little more, what similarities are you pointing at?
My high school sweet heart and I decided to see other people but stay in a relationship to each other. We eventually broke up but remain really good friends. You may not want to hear this - but I think that if you are truly with the right person - you don't wonder how it is with other people.
I am going to say something you may not want to hear.
The chances that the person you are with in your early 20s is the one you'll end up with for life are vanishingly small. It can happen, but it is pretty rare.
That said, I think you are being more sensible about this than many people your age. Consider opening up your relationship a bit. No need to break up. Just switch from a strict monogamous relationship to what you might call a "monogamish" arrangement. Keep identifying each other as your primary partner. Just allow a little leeway when it comes to sexual exploration.
One warning: if you decide to open up your relationship, you may find is far easier for her to find other partners than it is for you. Far easier. The number of men who are willing to have sex with attached women is huge; the number of women willing to have sex with attached men is much smaller. This could turn into a source of tension between you.
This is a great post.
Everyone I know who got married in their early 20s is now divorced. It's just extremely rare for a relationship to survive the vast changes people go through in their 20s.
And as mature as you seem to be, I imagine it would be very difficult to see your GF with another guy. After seeing her with another guy (or guys), it won't be easy getting back into a relationship with her.
But you both admit you are not even committed to each other.
You should agree to date other people. It's what you both say you want. Your description of your relationship sounds very childlike, and I agree that you need to mature but by being in relationship with other people, not just having sex with others just to say you did.
You both have a lot of growing up to do. Free yourselves NOW so you can do that. If you find yourselves back together after a couple of years, THEN you can discuss moving in. But now is WAY too early.
Sorry if it may seem like I'm making an assumption, but it seems that you're implying that our relationship is "childish" because we love, respect, and support one another. We're not obsessed with one another nor is there any codependency involved. I admit there was some of that in the beginning but we grew from that. From my description, I don't see what I said that would make us seem "childish"...
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